[vs tyrant]

Part of my condition is that I think everyone has an angle, that everything that everyone says has an underlying purpose. This includes my wife. If she says I love you, I hear "I need you to do something you aren't going to like", for example.

She knows I have this problem but she can't seem to accept it. Is there anything I can do to help her come to terms with my condition?

Hello, vs tyrant. In my view, you are the one that needs to come to terms with getting help.

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, vs tyrant. In my view, you are the one that needs to come to terms with getting help.

Good advice.

[sane1logic1]

Sometimes, words are meant to mean exactly what they say ...

[JustAPixie]

It is sometimes so hard to hear, but I'm going to say it anyway. Sometimes you must look at yourself first, especially if you have an existing disorder. This means in no way that your wife isn't wrong, or doesn't need to understand you, but you must decide where the root of the problem lies... Getting some outside help might be a good idea.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by vs tyrant

Part of my condition is that I think everyone has an angle, that everything that everyone says has an underlying purpose. This includes my wife. If she says I love you, I hear "I need you to do something you aren't going to like", for example.

She knows I have this problem but she can't seem to accept it. Is there anything I can do to help her come to terms with my condition?

It is good that you acknowledge you have this problem with misinterpreting what people say and always thinking the worst and that they have ulterior motives. The next step is not to get your wife to accept this problem you have, but to solve your problem. Just think how much better life will be for you (and your wife and family and friends) if you can learn to take people at their word and accept what they say as sincere. I am not sure how you will change this problem you have, but one idea is counseling. Perhaps some books out there could help too.

Good luck with solving your problem.

[vs tyrant]

I suppose I should have mentioned it first, but I am getting and have been through extensive treatment. I go to group, I have a T, and I was even admitted as an in-patient at one time. I try very hard to control my condition and come to terms with it. I always tell myself that I am the paranoid one and that I create these problems myself.

The fact remains, if we were capable of completely suppressing these problems we wouldn't need help in the first place. What I want to know is if anybody has figured out a useful way to help loved ones deal with these issues that we have.

I am new to this forum, not new to my condition.

[sunrise]

That is great you are getting help for your problem, VS. One thing that might help is if your spouse could speak with your therapist. She could have a frank talk and learn from a professional about your prognosis. (You could be there too if you both wanted.) If I was a wife and a therapist told me that my husband was working hard in therapy to conquer his problem and that others who worked hard like he did had been able to change, I would be encouraged, and not feel so hopeless in the marriage. Especially if the therapist could give some sort of time estimate, like if he could say in another year or so, I predict your H will be over these problems, because that is how long it usually takes people like him. That would give me a finite time I could hang on for. For me, this problem would be severe enough that I could not endure it indefinitely (a lifetime of marriage). I would need to have hope that my husband could solve this problem, or I would want out of the marriage sooner rather than later. Of course, if there are children in the marriage, there is greater incentive to hold out longer before splitting up (in the event you could not solve this problem).

I realize what I wrote may sound somewhat harsh, and I think it may be colored by the fact that I recently divorced after enduring 20 years of a marriage that was in many ways very painful for me because of my husband's personality, behavior, etc. I wanted to be sure to say that--so maybe take what I said with a grain of salt. Your wife may be feeling less hopeless or unhappy than I was, and that would be a good thing. If your wife is feeling very hopeless and unhappy, please encourage her to get counseling before her unhappiness reaches the point of no return.

Good luck to you both.

i recently came across a website & forum that is a support for people who have loved ones with personality disorders and some other disorders like bipolar. maybe she would find some of the info there helpful: out of the fog: personality disorder support

[ZaraLee]

I think, that there must be a reason that you don't believe that people mean what they say. And may be you should imagine what if your wife will always try to find some trick in your words. Try to have a rest and understand that if you don't believe the words of your own family, then whom else could you believe?

[vs tyrant]

Originally Posted by ZaraLee

I think, that there must be a reason that you don't believe that people mean what they say. And may be you should imagine what if your wife will always try to find some trick in your words. Try to have a rest and understand that if you don't believe the words of your own family, then whom else could you believe?

Well nobody, and that's the problem. I already know what the problem is (mentioned that in my last post). I am still not asking for clarification on my condition.

I am asking if anybody has found anything useful in dealing with loved ones that have trouble coping with your condition.

Thanks for the advice everyone else!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by vs tyrant

I am new to this forum, not new to my condition.

Hello vs tyrant,

I guess this is part of that problem? Thinking that there is an underlying meaning or reason for those offering their support? But I don't think there is vs. I do think that people care and are aware that it is just as important to try to fix it from both sides.

As for trying to assist her to understand, have you offered her any journal entries to read (if you keep a journal that is), or had her attend any Pdoc appointments with you so that the doctor can explain it to her?

I really hope you can move past this and bring yourselves closer together.