[leidesdorff]

I'm married for almost 3 years. I think we're kinda new to this. BUT besides all the love and caring and everything, we dont have sex anymore. Dont know what happened. We used to have the best thing in the world, and suddenly stops. We dont touch each other in that way for almost 2 1/2 years. This cant be normal. Or I want to much? We are perfect in the relationship. We just dont do sex. He doesn't want it. He says that because his gain weight, that he doesnt feel comfortable with me touching him. But I simply dont now what to so anymore. I tryed to talk but gave up. He always says that will take care, etc etc, and nothing. Tried to talk him to seek help, doctor anything, but he refuses. And I'm going crazy. Cause I love him, but I need the physical thing. Am I doing something wrong?

[Perna]

Hello, leidesdorff, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). I do not think you did anything wrong, it sounds like your husband is having some issues. But, if he will not talk to you, that is not good, how can you help? I am surprised that he won't touch you though, do you ask him for that? Does he have men friends? Maybe he can talk to them or you can ask one you know well enough to talk to him?

[RomanSunburn]

Welcome to PC!

I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong, but you mentioned that he doesn't want you to touch him because of his weight gain. It sounds like he has low self esteem and body image problems. Have you tried maybe doing a sport or working out together? I would just say, "hey, why don't we go for a walk after dinner?" or "Do you wanna go for a hike or a bike ride this weekend?" Maybe there's an adult sports team in your area you could join together? (My town has co-ed kickball). Even just going to hit around a tennis ball would help. I think these things will help him get active which will help him lose some weight, but they'll also build confidence, which might help out in the bedroom. I wouldn't tell him you want to do these things with him cause you want him to lose weight, just spin it as something fun the two of you could do together.

Good luck!

My thought is you have to be more assertive. Your husband needs to know exactly how his unilateral withdrawal from sex is affecting you. Telling him what you told us is a good start. If your bipolar causes problems in the marriage, would he expect you to get help? I think you have the right to expect the same from him.

Good luck.

[leidesdorff]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

My thought is you have to be more assertive. Your husband needs to know exactly how his unilateral withdrawal from sex is affecting you. Telling him what you told us is a good start. If your bipolar causes problems in the marriage, would he expect you to get help? I think you have the right to expect the same from him.

Good luck.

Yes I've already sat him down and put in clean exactly as I put here on thread... I just dont know which buttons more to push and get a answer...

[leidesdorff]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

Welcome to PC!

I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong, but you mentioned that he doesn't want you to touch him because of his weight gain. It sounds like he has low self esteem and body image problems. Have you tried maybe doing a sport or working out together? I would just say, "hey, why don't we go for a walk after dinner?" or "Do you wanna go for a hike or a bike ride this weekend?" Maybe there's an adult sports team in your area you could join together? (My town has co-ed kickball). Even just going to hit around a tennis ball would help. I think these things will help him get active which will help him lose some weight, but they'll also build confidence, which might help out in the bedroom. I wouldn't tell him you want to do these things with him cause you want him to lose weight, just spin it as something fun the two of you could do together.

Good luck!

Indeed sounds like low self steem, besides hes a natural "alpha" or "leader" in wherever place. I tried to bring him on to do work out together or things like that, but he's really not into do it with me. And alone he just "forget" or is "too tired". I dont know where come all this. Even the possibility of he's getting a affair or I dont know, getting touch with his homossexual side crossed my mind... I'm almost sat him down again and asking him directly these questions to him... but i'm in a stage where i think that the more i try to get answer, more he'll close himself. :/ The last time he just sat and cry...

[Rhiannonsmoon]

He sounds depressed and maybe a chat to the family doctor would be the thing that may help both of you most?

Speaking from experience when I put weight on it was because of smoking cessation and it got worse when I started back on anti-depressents but we spoke about it and got back on the horse so to speak and then something else happened. But going to the doctor was the first step in getting things going again. Maybe a sex counsellor would help?

[acrazynao]

Lately I have not wanted sex w/my husband. Maybe its a mental block. we have been going through some issues. I have also gained weight. He needs to be able to talk to someone. I cant explain to him why I don't want it. I can hardly explain it to myself. When we start to get intimate I start to withdraw in my head. Its a lot easier to avoid it all together. I'm seeking help. You need to let him know, as I was let known that a relationship without intimacy isn't a good or secure relationship but asking for help isn't a sign of weakness.