So I come home after being out of town for 4 days and the bathrooms all dusty and the garbage hasnt been taken out or anything and it's like he's been waiting for me to do it- oh and there was two big black marks on the bedspread and I had just finished washing some clean linens for the bed that morning along with some other clothes I brought with me on the trip, I thought perhaps he would change it as a nice surprise or whatever and have the place a l nice for me when I got home. I asked if he saw the marks on it and he said yes. So the place isn't a wreck or anything, it's clean and the dishes are done, but I just thought he woudl've at least dusted a bit- I had a tag from a new shirt I set on the bathroom counter(it's by the apt door) as I was heading out and it was still there when I got home. What the hell? Not like I expected him to throw it out, but I thought perhaps he would have anyway since he uses the bathroom to shower and all. I need to talk to him, because I'm not going to be the only one cleaning up around here. If so, we're going to have a problem. Oh, and there were some things in the fridge that had gone bad he hadn't noticed and a bagel wrapped up on the fridge that had mold all over it! Ew!

[Belle1979]

That would drive me nuts.... In previous relationships I have always been the one to do ALL the housework but have realised that it just makes me grumpy.. this time is different.

I'd have a long talk with him...but gently LOL men don't seem to see the need for tidying up - I don't understand it but they seem to have domestic blindness

[Perna]

It took me a long time to realize that how I want things is how I want them, not necessarily how someone else does. We have a loose agreement of his doing dishes, my cooking, that sort of thing (and we each do our own laundry but I do the "joint" laundry like towels and dish cloths, sheets, etc.) but if I don't like when he does the dishes, I can do them myself but that's not him not doing what he says, that's me wanting something different. If your boyfriend doesn't complain when things are dusty (no fair complaining and not doing anything with one's own complaints) then he doesn't mind a little dust; that's you who wants things dust-free and why should he have to do what you want? And "hoping" a male will become a good mind reader and "surprise" one by thinking like a female, I wish you luck with that one

Your style is "neater" and less dusty than his; that's not someone's "fault", that's just difference in style. If you put the tag for your shirt on the table on the way out (instead of seeking out the trashcan) why do you expect someone else to throw out the trash you made? Yes, it would be nice and you and I would throw away his trash if we saw it but that's us and how we were raised; he wasn't raised the same way but that doesn't make the way we were raised "right" and how he does things "wrong"! Don't make the mistake of trying to make him over in your image!

My husband is 8 inches taller than I am; have you any idea how hard it is for a tall man to look into the refrigerator (especially if the freezer is on the top)? Why would they want to bend down and find moldy bagels, especially if they didn't put it there/don't suspect it's there in the first place?

[RomanSunburn]

I understand your frustration with feeling like the only one cleaning. But at the same time, I've learned over the years that if I want my boyfriend to do something, it's probably not as obvious to him as it is to me. This means I have to gently point it out to him. But I"ve also learned that just because I tell him I want it done does not mean it will get done right then and there. If I really want him to do it, I have to let him do it on his schedule. Though, he does need some reminding from time to time, and even he'll admit that! But remember, if you want something done "right" (aka, your way), best to just do it yourself! That's a lesson I've learned the hard way myself (the number of times I've rewashed dishes ain't small )

A side note, my boyfriend and I never throw something out when it was the other's unless we know for an absolute, 100% fact that we can throw it out (and even then, we both feel more comfortable letting the other still throw it out). What if you had decided to return the shirt that the tag belonged to and he HAD thrown it out? You might have gotten upset then too, because it was yours and not his to throw out.

I would mention that you would like some help cleaning up around the house. See how he takes it, and if he starts to help out more. If he doesn't or you would like him to do more/something specific, then I would suggest talking to him, gently and patiently, and try coming up with an agreement on who does what and how often it gets done. Then write it down if you have to and both of you just try to stick with it.

Good luck!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I swear men don't do the dishes or anything else properly so that we won't ask them to do it again...a couple of broken plates, egg yolk on the plates....etc

But if you want things done your way you have to do it yourself