[acrazynao]

so im back again. i'm trying really hard to love my husband. we are spending time together and doing more activities that we have in a while. this is partly to us both being unemployed and him having a break from school. but i don't feel anything more than friendship toward him. i don't like when he tries to be intimate. it just doesn't feel right. the worst thing is i think its because i have feelings for someone else. that relationship isn't possible because of distance and his lack of trust in women. my husband thinks i am just not interested in sex at all, but how can i say that isn't true since i do have those feelings just not for him without hurting him.

i brought up divorce the other week. he doesn't think we should and that we should both keep trying. we both have depression and i'm seeing a T and we both have been figuring out meds for the last 6 months or so. i was sooo in love with my husband for 7 years, why did it dissapear? why can't i get over the little things that now add up and make me want to start a new life without him? why can't i forget about this other guy? why can i only think about having kids with the other man and not my husband?

i just wish some of it made sense. if i could go back to loving my husband i think it would be ok, but i don't know if i can.

[CindyLuWho]

I'm struggling with some of these same issues. I do know that you can choose to love. For me, I find that I am frightened by the intimacy due to previous relationships. Sometimes love mellows with time and becomes companionship. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the intimacy. Keep talking honestly with your husband and give counseling a try.

[momoko]

I think you should keep trying especially if he is willing to keep trying. Intimacy is tricky and may involve side effects from medication, depression and just being used to one another. I don't think that because you aren't intimate or find yourself attracted to someone else that that means you don't love him anymore or won't ever feel those things for him again.

Think about your relationship and the commitment you've continually made to one another and then compare it to this other man that you probably don't really know that well. Which do you feel has the ability to truly help you with your depression? Which, when things are at their best, makes you happier or more comfortable? It may seem like your husband is creating more situations to feel depressed but you know that he is there for you and trying to work things out while this other guy could just be a whole set of other problems.

Obviously there are situations where you should stop being in a relationship but especially if you are both depressed and have been in a healthy relationship previously it is more likely to just be a tough spell than a problem that will last forever.