[momoko]

How can I not depend so much on the person I love?

We've been together over 6 months and I am very happy with him but because of my BP disorder I get very emotional and hopeless and then feel too dependent on him when coping with my symptoms. When he's not around to help me I feel upset because I think that I need his help to feel better. This leads to worrying and fearing things that are irrational or insignificant about his feelings for me and then I make him feel bad when I don't intend to.

He is always there for me the best that he can but is not a very serious person and doesn't like to feel upset if he doesn't need to.

How can I become more independent resolving my depressive episodes and feel secure so that I don't worry about everything so much? I really want to make this relationship work and if I keep depending on him to solve everything I'll never be able to cope on my own. I'm also worried he will begin to resent me expecting so much from him.

I know he will always be there for me and that we are happy but somehow that just goes out the window when I'm extremely emotional.

Thanks for any advice.

[Belle1979]

Are you seeing a therapist? Really mine helped me with tips and tricks to see different ways of doing/feeling/looking at things.

[lynn P.]

It's sounds like you have a nice guy....you're lucky. I think it would be helpful for you to ask yourself questions before you get your partner involved - like "do I really need to discuss this or can this wait or can I solve this on my own". When you're talking to him about something - it's good to give him a 'heads up' as to whether you just need him to listen or whether you actually expect him to help you find a solution. It's also good to ask yourself - is this a significant problem or could my emotional state be a contributing factor, therefore there's no need to bother him if you can control this on your own.

[bridgie]

Well what did you do before you were in a relationship with this man? Just remember how you took care of things when you were single. if its been 6 months and doing well I hope it continues. Good luck

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Please do not underestimate yourself and your ability to cope or manage yourself and your feelings even when they are at their most intense. You did cope and manage before this man was in your life and so you can do the same now that he is in your life

Being able to rely on someone is most different to depending on them and you are able to release any and all dependence and allow yourself to simply ask for his love and support when you are feeling less than optimum. Tell him that you do not do it to bring him undone, but that it is a symptom of your illness and that it will pass. Explain to him that all he needs do is hold you in his arms and support you with love, kisses of reassurance and understanding

And when you get lower than you expected to, come and read the replies that the loving people have put here for your support and your tears will start to dry and your smile will come out like the sun drying and brightening a rainy day

With blessings of love and support

Morgana

.

[ranragged]

I have this problem too and after rekindling a relationship I am trying very hard to not let my irrational feelings at times affect him and therefore get into a mindset of helping myself more. If this is possible with BP I am not sure, as I dont think that I have experienced that. I did go for counseling when we separated, and this helped a bit. I try to stand back, although it is possibly easier for me because I am in a long distance relationship, so I don't see him very often, and I have time to give myself space and become more rational, question my motives and attempt to deal with things myself first when I start to feel I need support. I try to ask myself does this really need to be said, or should I sleep on it and see how I feel tomorrow. I feel immensly proud of myself when I do manage to become more rational by my own device. I feel that I am in control then, and the realization of this is fantastic. I think that you are doing well because you are identifying and working on your problem here, and you really don't need him to make things better for you (meant in the best possible way). Although I do desperately like hugs and stuff when I feel blue, I am finding it's good to come here and look for support first.

Good luck with your relationship, you sound lovely and caring to me! :-)

[momoko]

Thanks everyone for your support and advice.

I have taken some of the advice and focused everyday so far on not letting my emotions get the better of me when interacting with my boyfriend. I've found that though it will take some time to change I have noticed an increased ability to question my behavior and the problems I feel I need his help with and hopefully from there I'll be able to eventually work toward resolving them comfortably by myself.

[lynn P.]

Good for you Momoko