[rolan86]

I am a virgin and have been craving sex for too long. I just want to experience it already, and I know a girl who might want to hook up with me. The only problem is, I don't know if I can go through with it. Of course when I am fantasizing about it and looking into the future, it just seems like hey, go for it! But when I actually think about doing it, it just feels so wrong and unnatural. I told myself I'd give myself a month to just live and see if anyone special comes into me life, and if not by then, call up this girl, so you can at least experience SOMETHING in college. I don't even know if I like this girl, I barely know her. I find her attractive, but I just don't know her. I feel like I SHOULD be texting/calling her to see what she is up to, but it just feels so unnatural, in that we met on facebook. I haven't communicated with her in over a month. We made plans of meeting once school started, and after I got rid of my facebook, we had no contact ever since, never exchanged numbers. I feel so rude to her, she probably hates me for this, and I don't blame her. I basically got her hopes up and just... disappeared...

[Harley47]

Hi Rolan. I hope I can be of some help.

I understand your position very well. I'm in college myself, and I certainly understand that "craving." But you seem to me to want that special relationship, based on your language, and that this is your second choice, so to speak. I'd tell you to wait for that special time instead of doing it just for the sake of doing it.

As far as obligations go, you're not obligated whatsoever to have sex with anyone. That is a mutual, conscious decision that two people have to make. If you're not comfortable with the decision, it should be off the table.

Now that being said, you mentioned that you didn't know this girl well...why not change that? You may very well "click" with her aside from just a physical relationship. Why not talk to her a bit, see if you two are compatible dating wise, and go from there? Couldn't hurt.

Anyway, take care, and I do hope I was of some help. I wish you my best.

Harley

[Emotionally Dead]

I do know how you feel. I remember when I lost it, and I felt similar. Like I needed to go ahead and do it, all that. So I did. It was with a "girlfriend" but we had literay been dating for two days. She didn't know I was a virgin, I had gone through in my mind a million times what I needed to do and how to do it. I managed. Nothing went wrong. I was glad I had finally done it.

Problem was, I was in love with someone else. We had broken up months earlier, but I still loved her. We never did anything because we lived in different countries. Luckily, later on in life her and I got back together and we did get to meet and have that special bonding together. It was amazing, and though we broke up due to circumstances I still have yet to sleep with anyone else. I just can't now that I had her, I would just be settling.

Did I regret that she was a virgin and I wasn't? A bit. It did kind of bother me, but it didn't bother her. At least not that she let on. While I did kind of regret it, at the same time I was glad. I was glad my first time was kind of meaningless because I gained experience from it, and when it was time for her I knew how to handle it when she had never done that before. I think it kind of helped. So while I don't necessarily condone just doing it to do it, it isn't always a bad thing. It may release some stress for you, and when you do find that right girl you won't be so scared and have so much pressure. If you really want to wait though, I have heard great things about doing that. I didn't, so I can't really comment on how it is, but I am sure either way it will be amazing when you find the right girl. The choice is up to you whether you want to act on the urges now or not.

Hi rolan86 - i would exercise caution here, as you said you don't know this person and if you've never had sex before it is best to wait until you are ready and actually want to have sex with the person you're with. If you have doubts i think deep down you aren't yet ready for such an experience - and anyway there is no rule book saying you absolutely must have sex with someone during college. To me it just sounds as though you need to take better care of your urges - this is a natural thing to do and will hopefully mean that once taken care of you you can focus on more important things and get on with life. If its actual intimacy you crave i would work on getting out there and meeting new people - take time to know them and learn about them as much as you can. Hope ive been of some help. All the best.

[Leed]

Hi Rolan ~ I applaud you for asking for advice before just going ahead and "doing it."

Sex is SUPPOSED to be something personal and special. In the last several generations tho, it has become cheapened and young people are doing it with everyone, and anyone. It makes it a whole experience a lot less special.

In my book, you should wait for that special someone to experience your first tiime with. It should be someone whom you have strong feelings for --- even someone you "love" and perhaps think you may even have a future with. It shouldn't be a "one night stand." That cheapens your whole experience.

So wait until you find that special someone who you think you may want to spend a long time with. There is NOTHING WRONG with being a virgin and you don't have to broadcast it either. You're a good guy Rolan, and whoever gets you will be a lucky girl. Hugs, Lee