[Tokyovogue]

Hey everyone, this is my first post, and I'll try to be brief and to the point.

I have a fear of being abandoned by the person I am dating. I've carried this fear through previous relationships, and I've seen the pattern every time. I told myself this relationship would be different but I'm doing the same thing. I keep pushing my partner away - he never does - and I keep finding reasons not to believe we will work.

He's an amazing guy though, and I want to find a way to get over this fear. Him and I talk openly about both our problems - his is that he feels unable to love (anything). I've admitted to him that I'm afraid of relationships, time and time again, and for the longest time he was so reassuring, up until last week when I think it hit him that things aren't changing.

We went on a "break" as of yesterday so that we can give each other space. I need this so that I can stop thinking non-stop about him leaving me. Its effecting every other realm of my life.

How can I stop pushing him away?

I had this problem, I talked to hubby and we came up with a plan...

I could phone him at any time and he would talk to me telling me he loved me. That he would leave something special with me (his watch) and tell me to look after it. He would leave notes around the house for me to find again letting me know how much he loved me. assuring me he was not leaving. That if I told him to go (while having a row etc) that he would stop me by saying I love you I love you I love you over and over again, it would stop the row immediately.

This had to happen for a few months slowly lessoning in time to the point now where I am fine. I even laugh at myself for being so silly so often !

Give it a try it may just work for you...

[Tokyovogue]

Thanks for the advice. We're on a break right now - we said we'd do it for a few weeks, and call each other when we knew what we wanted. We're not broken up, we're not seeing other people, we're just taking time to ourselves. He needs some space and I need to work on myself.

If we do manage to reconcile, I think what you have is a great suggestion, and I'll be sure to run it by him. I think having something tangible to hold onto (ie. a watch of his etc etc) - something that reminds me he's still there with me, would do wonders. I wish I had thought of it before it came to this!