My Parents-My Achilles Heel

This is the MAIN issue facing me today. I do have others that are right near the top, almost a tie, as it were, but this one is the motherload.

My father suffered from undiagnosed and untreated depression for years. My mother blames it all on his parents, (my grandparents) and claims he was abused as a child.

Now I dont know about that.

Anyway....like I said, untreated depression. At some point it got the best of him, and back in the late 90's he molested his granddaughter, my neice.

He went to prison for 5 years. During his stay, he was beaten by a cellmate to within an inch of his life. They had to drill a hole in my father's head to relieve the swelling and fluids.

My father now has the mental capacity of a 4 year old.

My mother...has had diagnosed depression for years as well...and this incident only further drove her deeper into it.

They moved away from us....like 50 miles away in the country.

Bottom line is, everytime I pay them a visit or call, my mother dumps on me. To the point where I have been suicidal after talking with her.

I havent talked to my mother since last spring.

I think about her often. And as a man of faith I struggle with this deeply.

It is one of my triggers.

Like I said, it is the major issue on the table at the moment.

I am 44 years old. I have my own family to take care of. I know all I have to do is pick up the phone and call her....but I know what will come out of it, if I do.

I feel like a bad son, for not being there for her.

And I am it. I have only one sibling. And my sister wont have anything to do with our parents since the molestation issue. I can't blame her, had it been my daughter, I would have ...done who knows what.

With all of that said....I dont know....it nags at me, infecting my mind.

Hello fps,

I truly doubt it was depression what drove your father to do what he did. The abused often abuse. You didn't do it so don't hold any guilt for it and don't feel that you have to try to excuse it to others. Sex offenders are sex offenders.

Your mother sounds like she's a passive aggressive by the way you describe her, and she would dump on you if you called. So you have taken the step of not calling to protect yourself; nothing wrong with that at all.

Please do not let your faith guilt you into having to suffer any more than you already have done. Modern families are no longer families and since the 2nd world war family has come to mean an imbalance of damaged people trying to make their kids behave in way they want them to when they had little to no structure themselves because of the euphoria after the war; particularly broken families whose children are then forced into accepting a stranger as their mother or father and it all has to be happy families.

Life is so complex these days and it is unfair to expect you to do something simply because a religion says you must. Again that is passive aggressive. You can send her a letter, a card, a note that tells her you are thinking of her; she can reciprocate, or indeed could have written you a card or letter, has she?

I just wanted to support you and let you know that you shouldn't feel this guilt that is taking hold of you. Wether a man of any one of a hundred different faiths, your truth is that she is toxic to you and there are no prizes for those who suffer, I promise you.

Take care and ease up on yourself

Thanks! The letter is a good idea!