Just Ended a Relationship w/BF

Hi, I have a habit of getting involved with men that are quite frankly no darn good. Earlier this year, I ended a two year relationship with a guy. I swore off men and was not planning on dating or starting a relationship with anyone else. There were patterns I had noticed in the men I had been with after I broke it off with the last one. They were emotionally abusive and a couple of them were physically abusive. They depended on me or their own parents for financial support. Just about every guy I have been with has moved in with me with promises to get a job, they were just going thru hard times, blah, blah, blah. But I always ended up paying all the rent, bills, buying groceries, etc.

So, I decided to look inwards and see what it was that kept attracting me to this same type of men. Again, I did not want a relationship with anyone. However, about 3 months after I ended it with Chris, (the two-year bf that I had broke up with) I met a guy thru a friend. At first, he was charming, sweet and seemed to really be interested in me and my life. I turned down his advances initially. I told him I didn't talk to guys. He started hounding me, sending texts, calling, visiting me, offering to take me out. After a couple of weeks of this I thought well damn, he's cute & even though I had my original stance of not dating, I thought why not? So, I agreed to a date. It just went whirlwind after that. Before I knew it, the dates turned into him coming to my place often, and then he eventually moved in.

Well, we are now 3 months down the road. He turned out to...surprise!... have the same habits as the guys from past relationships. He worked sparingly, I still payed all the bills. After a couple of months his interest in me seemed to fade and he spent a lot of time on Facebook chatting and turned out he was flirting w/other women. I suspect he was cheating on me. But what made me end it was how emotionally abusive he became. It was a very short amount of time but he started putting me down my looks, my mental issues and other things. That combined with everything else just made me end it with him for good. He is in another state now & has been there for about two weeks (turned out he was running from a warrant, oh boy do I know how to pick 'em) and is due to go to court today. I broke up if off w/him over the phone last Sat.

He has called me several times since. I kept it cordial and wouldn't say much to him until last night. I screwed up and called him. I didn't tell him I loved him, just that I did in fact miss him (doh!) and was hoping for the best for him. He said he was going to do what he had to do in court, would do his time and is planning on moving back out here to "work out what we have" in a couple of months. I know he is not good for me. His actions say that he is not good for me and does not have my best intentions in mind. But for the life of me, I just can't figure out why I can't let him go. I keep thinking to myself to just gain some self respect already and give it up. I know how this story is going to end. I've been there before and don't want to go back. But it feels as though I have failed if I give up on him. I'm trying to find a therapist and get into counseling. This is becoming frustrating due to not being able to find anyone available. I don't have any family and not very many friends to go to for support. I don't know I just feel so heartbroken at the moment. Disappointed in myself for getting involved with someone when I should've known better. It's so freaking hard to not pick up the phone and call or send him an email to find out how he is doing. I've called all the friends I can call to try to take my mind off of him. I'm planning a New Year's Eve trip to Disneyland and have been concentrating on that and participating in online contests to win tickets to keep busy so that I won't contact him. But it's just getting harder and harder through-out the day.

Any advice on my situation is gratefully appreciated. Thanks.

You have failed if you go back to him or take him back into your life!

Yea, this is true. I guess I'm just kind of coming to a point where I'm realizing putting up w/this is from a boyfriend or anyone else is just no bueno. Due to my past experiences I think part of me is trying to hold on in a sense just because getting treated like that is pretty much all I know. It makes me feel all torn inside, it's a really weird, indescribable feeling. The self-respect side of my feelings are winning though cuz I can say I have not called or emailed him today. Going to Disneyland is more important than him right now anyways.

Hello, wearethechampions. Do what is best for you. Good luck.