[Jenn1fer82]

I am a jealous gf not because of other girls but because my bf spends so much of this time on his computer playing pc games. Battlefield, Call of Duty, Heroes of newerth, and league of legends and it use to be World of Warcraft until it got too expensive for him. We've fought like cats and dogs, I've cried, ran back home to my parents and at my lowest point I took his keyboard and broke it into pieces. That wasn't my proudest moment, very much ashamed of it.

He tells me I knew of his hobbies so I shouldn't complain but I tell him I respect his hobby but it doesn't mean I should be ignored and last on his list because he wants to spend another hour on the computer. I've felt so guilty for feeling so much resentment towards his hobbies that I've found myself buying things for his hobbies such has pc upgrades. I'm sick in the head right! I support something that has made me feel so bad about myself because I find myself asking: what is it about me that he doesn't want to spend time with me.

He makes comment that we dont have as much sex anymore but how can I be in the mood when I've been ignored all day and the only time he wants to give me attention is after midnight when he finally peels himself out of his computer chair to come to bed. He said that I go to bed too early so that affects when we have sex. I told him he can spend time with me and if its before 1030pm we can have sex. he said its too early for him to come to bed because during that time is when all of his friends gathers up and begin to play. How I take that is, he would rather spend that time playing games instead of wanting to spend time with me and have sex. That really makes me feel bad as a woman. Am I not sexy enough anymore that I can't compete with a computer game? He's so much more interested in the games instead of me.

I dont like it that it takes me to cry and yell about him getting out of hand again with his games that he takes a short break and then find time to spend time with me but slowly enough he goes through his withdraws and goes back to his gaming ways. He doesn't know how to balance his time. I say you can having his games and me too but for him its either games or me. I dont know what more I can do and say. We've yelled about it, we've emailed about it, we've been civil and talked about it and it always goes back to him spending day and night with his computer. It is the last thing he thinks about before bed, the first thing on his mind and when he comes home from work he runs to that computer. I stand by and watch as I'm yelling for his attention. He can't hear me because he has his gaming headset on, which I had bought him.

[sunrise]

I think it sounds likd your BF is not ready to have a serious relationship. IF he is, he would attempt to put some limits on his gaming so as to have more time for his girl. If he wanted to try reducing his time gaming, he could try strategies such as setting a timer for 2 hours or 3 hours or whatever time he decides is his limit, and when the timer goes off, he is done for the day with gaming. For example, maybe he could do gaming from 6-9 pm each night, and then turn off the computer for good. If he is not willing to consider solutions like that, then I don't think he wants to be in a relationship. You write about how you don't get to have sex anymore due to his gaming. But what about the other aspects of a relationship? Such as hanging out together, talking, going for a walk, going out to dinner? Those are important too. Perhaps you can make a list: the positive things you are getting out of the relationship and the negative things. Compare them and see what you think. In your post you didn't write anything positive about this guy, so it makes me wonder why you are with him?

Good luck.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hi Jennifer,

It sounds as if your bf is a gaming addict and maybe he would find help in the addictions forum?

Your buying his upgrades etc is part of your enabling him yes but it is also part of your trying to be involved in his gaming in some way so that you can share some of it; though this rarely if ever works.

I wish you luck with this because it isn't going to be easy. Sometimes it is a matter of putting up or leaving.

[me@theattic]

I don't know if this would help, but I'm quite a gamer myself, and from what I know of male gamers, sometimes they are addicted to games to the level that they like the characters as well, and feels like they are part of the wold in the game as much as they are in the reality (or even the worst they think their real wold is in there) have you ever think to take part in that world he claimed so interested in any way. not to become and addict yourself but you know maybe there is a female character from that game that he likes, and you can play a cosplay to attracted him away from that illusion world away and return to you in reality in anyway possible?

(ps: English is not my first language sorry if there is any mistaken words)

[salukigirl]

I agree that buying these upgrades is enabling him to continue the behavior which makes you feel so left out. I feel like he doesn't understand that he can't have his cake and eat it too. He wants to do his own thing and ignore you during the day and then gets mad when you wont "put out" after being ignored all day.

My bf bought Halo Reach and basically ignored me for a week or so. I was expecting it for the first week. But after that I told him that he was being a jerk by still ignoring me then wanting sex at the end of the day. He said he agreed and stopped playing it while I was home. We went back to playing games together and he asks me before he starts playing to make sure I wont feel left out by him playing. If he ignored those comments I made and continued it I would probably break his xbox and he knows that.

A while back right when he bought his iPod touch he was on it all the time. Like I said earlier, I expect him to be on it constantly for the first week or so from just being excited about it. But once he started bringing it to bed I told him if he didn't leave it downstairs when we went to bed, he would wake up and it would be buried in the yard. I guess I don't feel bad because I would expect the same thing if I was doing it. Sometimes that's the only way to get through to someone how ridiculous they are being. I don't like resorting to ultimatums but if he can't see the boundaries that you lay out plainly, then he obviously doesn't respond to normal social cues. And if you want to continue the relationship, you have to find his button that he responds to.

But that being said, I don't like the way I feel when I resort to those levels. So you have to think "Is this changing me as a person?" or "Do I like what this is making me become?" And if you don't like how YOU act due to HIS behaviors, then I think you have your answer. Relationships are all about communication and if it is a simple matter than can be resolved by talking or maybe even some counseling, go for it. But if this seems like some fatal flaw that actually goes beyond the games (i.e. just plain selfishness) then there really isn't anything YOU can do to change that kind of ingrained behavior. He has to be the one who wants to change it.

[Galetre]

Originally Posted by Jenn1fer82

I am a jealous gf not because of other girls but because my bf spends so much of this time on his computer playing pc games. Battlefield, Call of Duty, Heroes of newerth, and league of legends and it use to be World of Warcraft until it got too expensive for him. We've fought like cats and dogs, I've cried, ran back home to my parents and at my lowest point I took his keyboard and broke it into pieces. That wasn't my proudest moment, very much ashamed of it.

He tells me I knew of his hobbies so I shouldn't complain but I tell him I respect his hobby but it doesn't mean I should be ignored and last on his list because he wants to spend another hour on the computer. I've felt so guilty for feeling so much resentment towards his hobbies that I've found myself buying things for his hobbies such has pc upgrades. I'm sick in the head right! I support something that has made me feel so bad about myself because I find myself asking: what is it about me that he doesn't want to spend time with me.

He makes comment that we dont have as much sex anymore but how can I be in the mood when I've been ignored all day and the only time he wants to give me attention is after midnight when he finally peels himself out of his computer chair to come to bed. He said that I go to bed too early so that affects when we have sex. I told him he can spend time with me and if its before 1030pm we can have sex. he said its too early for him to come to bed because during that time is when all of his friends gathers up and begin to play. How I take that is, he would rather spend that time playing games instead of wanting to spend time with me and have sex. That really makes me feel bad as a woman. Am I not sexy enough anymore that I can't compete with a computer game? He's so much more interested in the games instead of me.

I dont like it that it takes me to cry and yell about him getting out of hand again with his games that he takes a short break and then find time to spend time with me but slowly enough he goes through his withdraws and goes back to his gaming ways. He doesn't know how to balance his time. I say you can having his games and me too but for him its either games or me. I dont know what more I can do and say. We've yelled about it, we've emailed about it, we've been civil and talked about it and it always goes back to him spending day and night with his computer. It is the last thing he thinks about before bed, the first thing on his mind and when he comes home from work he runs to that computer. I stand by and watch as I'm yelling for his attention. He can't hear me because he has his gaming headset on, which I had bought him.

Wow! I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was married to a man just like this for 10 years. Computer gaming is an addicition, just like alcohol or drugs. If he doesn't want to come out of his fantasy world & live in the real world with you, then say good-bye. He probably needs therapy to make a real change. The last straw between me & my husband was when he flat out told me that he knew he was neglecting me, but he wasn't willing to do anything about it. Hello! Wake up! This is still a problem between us as we have 2 children between us who spend all week with my & weekends with him. Last Monday they were 1-1/2 hours late getting to our meeting spot & I sat in my car in the 29 degree weather with my 11 month old baby waiting because of - you guessed it - computer games! Get out now - he's not going to change & it only makes you feel bad about yourself. Find yourself, do what you want to do & then only let a man into your life who respects who you are & loves you for it.