"Why?"

Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to this thread.
I'd say that some do, yes. I'm sure there are lots of ways to ask "why" questions.

I guess it's just me; I keep coming up with different ways "why" questions haven't worked well for me. Those ways may even all have something in common but I don't know how well I'm going to do at saying what that might be.
For me there seems to be a big difference between knowing for myself what happens, and reaching agreement with someone else that that's what happens. Suppose I'm 10 years old or thereabouts and I notice that almost every time my father teases me, I get annoyed. I try to make sense of it by asking (myself first), "Why?"

My private impressions, which I hesitate to share with him, are that he doesn't like me much, or he's mad at me for something and won't admit it, or he's mad at someone else like his boss and taking it out on me. If I were to ask him he might laugh it off with, "You're too sensitive." I could try to accept this answer: "He must be right. I have to learn to be tougher and less sensitive." I could contest it: "You're not being fair to me." Either way, it would no longer be so much an attempt to arrive at an understanding as a contest over whose story was going to prevail.

Fast forward a number of years, and I've pretty much given up asking "why?" in favor of looking at what happens. I'm no longer 10 years old nor in that family situation but if I were back there, I'd want to observe to myself: "He came home tonight muttering about the people he works with. Now he's kidding about unpleasant things he probably won't do to me (but might) if I turn my back. I don't like it, but do I think it's my fault he feels that way? Do I resent him for making me feel unsafe? Do I wish he'd leave his work issues at work? How would he most likely take it if I were to bring this up?"
So have I -- but to me, "Why" is usually less about how things work, than about what story we're going to agree on about how they work.

I wouldn't be offended; I'd just link you to where I answered your question.

Whenever I start thinking we might have beaten this "why" thing to death, up comes something new about it. And yes, it's amazing to me too how many different takes we have on it.

I ask why about everything....I have an insatiable curiosity and it gets me in tremendous trouble ...like the cat...and its "curiosity"....but...if I ponder...it is more about getting all views on a thing before settling on my own...cause I want the best surrounding insight before taking a stance.I am the same way with everything...shop for best value...see both sides...research ideals and law...on and on....seriously the curiosity of a cat and the ponderence of a sage....since as young as I recall....

Fool Zero....sounds like we had the same dad. Except mine would go from teasing to berating to humiliating to whatever-whatever. He seemed to get some kind of kick out of making me feel bad about myself....but that's a whole other thread.

I would be more into the knowing for myself. I wouldn't want to have to answer "why" to defend myself....I would likely drop it first thus no agreement.

Still thought provoking....but I don't know why. (sorry couldn't resist)

to all

So... after all these years, I happened to find another reference to "why?" questions in a recent Psych Central Article: Become a Better Listener: Active Listening
As I was saying (or trying to, at least)...

Only ask why for two reasons, If I don't understand and require clarity on a specific to understand the topic better.
To you it may not seem pertinent but to me it is to prevent me making an inaccurate reply.

The only other reason is if it appears the obvious has been missed. And even then it's just to clarify so I'm not stating something the poster is already aware of.