[23Michele]

what would you do if you were trapped in a house with someone who is a narsasist. the narsasist tells you everyday how lucky you are to have him. Yet this perplex you. You think "how can I be luck when I do all the work: cooking, cleaning, food shopping, working over 40hr a week." You can not ask a family member becuase there arn't any. You have no friends because the narsasist has scared them away. You are isolated. Your hope is gone. If you run you will suffer devastating consequences. What would you do?

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

i am speaking from experience,...very recently i found the strength to run,i found the strength to seek help,i found i really was not alone when i reached out,i found there was some protection from the consequences,but mainly self protection,i found i was not lucky to have him,in fact the opposite,i found how to see through his lies,i found the courage to stand up,i found once i was out of the situation my friends began to come back,and i found new friends,i found that everything i gave him i need to give to myself,i found through all the hard work of escaping there is eventually peace,,,,i am finding my self worth and happiness...

[donut]

Oh that sounds horrid. Narcassists are brilliant at making one feel grateful and crap about ones self. Hard as I know it is, particularly if he has all the money, I would run as far away from him as I could. For your own mental health get out! Do you have refuges where you are?

[IceCreamKid]

What do you think would be the devastating consequences? If you are being threatened or coerced (even if these are implied and not spoken out loud) I think you should tell someone: your boss, your doctor, someone outside your relationship you can trust to help you get some perspective.

[Rohag]

Summary of a Long Story: I ultimately found it necessary to terminate the relationship with such an individual. I lost and gained much in the process.

Your situation sounds scary, 23Michele.

[lynn P.]

Sorry you're in this very tough situation. If you work 40 hrs a week - can you support yourself. If you can I suggest you get out of this partner because a narsacistic person will never change and you can't be expected to tolerate living like this. Can you call your family and stay with them? I hope and pray you can get away from this.

[Leed]

The consequences are NEVER as devastating as your mind tells you they are. If this person is threatening you -- report him, but GET OUT. My ex threatened me for 26 years - but I got out anyway and his threats were empty. All he did was yell alot. So what? I wasted 26 years just to hear YELLING??? How tragic.

This person is taking your "power" away. He's making you feel "less" than a whole person. Take your power back and insist that you are just as GOOD as he is!! Get OUT - go to a shelter if you have to, but get out!! He has no RIGHT to make you feel like you do. You are just as good or BETTER than he is. You don't hurt people!!! This is your LIFE we're talking about -- get it back! Hugs, Lee

[salukigirl]

This sounds terrible. This surpasses emotional abuse because he has isolated you from everything that gives you your own personality. He isn't just putting you down but actually manipulating your entire life. What do you think he would do if you just stopped doing those things? If he came home and the dishes weren't done? Or maybe if the dishes YOU made were done but his weren't?

Sounds like those types of things wouldn't get through to him anyways. Sounds like your only option is to get out while you can? I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you can learn to stand up for yourself because it sounds like you know you are worth more than this. Find that courage to tell him to SUCK IT!

[Perna]

I would use the time he or you were not there to widen my environment. I would take whatever children are home during the day (i.e., not at school) and take them out to libraries and other "free" places and meet other people, explore women's shelters in the guise of giving cast-off clothing to them, etc.