Do I still love him?

How do I know if I still love my boyfriend?
Recently I've been extremely moody. I don't understand why this happens to me. My mood shifts like 180 degree and most of the times I dont know the reason why. He understands that however and I deeply appreciate that about him because I know how hard it is to understand someone that is too moody. Unfortunately, this has been affecting my feelings towards him (my moodiness that is). Sometimes I feel so much in love with him and I miss him a lot, but at other times I just can't stand him. He asks me "do you love me" or "do you miss me" and I just feel like I cannot answer him because the truth might hurt him. Then two days later I'd feel completely different about him and he senses that something is not right. He's wondering if i really love him like he does, or even love him at all. It's starting to get really confusing for me and I thought maybe someone could give me an answer or an advice, anything. I just want to know, how do i know if I still love him or not? After all, he really is a great guy.

Hi N.O.N,

Obviously the moods are a major contributing factor but you either love someone or you don't. If you are having thoughts that you don't miss him or you don't love him maybe it's time to really examine if you do or not. It sounds to me as if your moods control you instead of you controling them and to me that would be a major factor.

You either love someone all the time or you don't love them at all really. But you need to be prepared to face the answers to your own questions because if it comes out that you really don't love him, you have to do something about that. Who knows it is possible that the irritating relationship is contributing to your moodiness?

Best of luck with sorting this out

1 how do u feel after spending a whole week together?

2 how do you feel when u think u ll never see him again?

3 has he ever hurt u in any way?

Thanks for the reply Rhiannonsmoon.

Well, obviously my moods control me instead of me controlling them. This is how it goes: I shift from being okay to not okay rather quickly, that is within hours and for no big reason, and when Im not feeling okay, I'd be either angry or depressed.
I just don't want to lose him since he's my best friend and knows almost everything about me and understands me a lot.
I don't know...

Hey tatyana,

1. I never spent a whole week with him, but if i ever did I think i'd feel okay. Sometimes I see him everyday and we'd fight like any normal couple I guess, but it's normal to me. Ugh! I dont know..

2. Certainly i would feel upset and i can't imagine never seeing him again. I'm extremely used to him.

3. He has never hurt me. He treats me nicely. Never cheated or verbally abused me or anything.
However, sometimes i don't like his behavior. I feel like he is sometimes childish, he makes a lot of jokes and gestures. But i don't think that is enough for me to not loving him. Is it?

I don't think either you nor he should be quite so focused on the other person. What do you want for you? I would be wary of his asking too much whether you love him or not (he needs more self esteem and confidence about himself) and trying to compare who loves whom the most/best? Love isn't just feelings, it's actions. How you treat each other "says" a lot about how you care for each other.

Feelings are like weather and ebb and flow; we don't feel happy all the time or anxious or bored, angry, or any of our other feelings and we won't necessarily feel "loving" all the time even though we are with someone we love. Learn how your own feelings "work" so you can be comfortable with yourself and how you relate to others; that's what feelings are for, to help us with our relationships to ourselves and others.

It does not sound like you are in love with him. It sounds like you like him as a friend, you are very used to him and you dont want him out of your life.

Maybe you are scared to be alone? maybe you are unsure of yourself and maybe your mood and emotional states make you dependent on him.

Seems to me that if he feels unloved, and you are unsure - its maybe better to stay friends. This will be just towards him and would allow you to know yourself better.

All I can say is don't do the 'logical' thing and write out a list of pros and cons to weigh your thoughts. Because you could do this one day, come out with a ton of pros, do it the next day and come out with a ton of cons.

I was in this situation even a few weeks ago. My bf can be very childish sometimes and silly and goofy in situations that don't call for it. Then I started thinking....I wouldn't want to be with a guy who was super serious all the time. So then I'd switch back to being madly in love. Then he would do/say something stupid and I would think "I gotta get out".

I went and got this book called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. It's by Mira Kirschenbaum. Basically she takes you through situations that typically kill relationships. Some may seem small but, over time, end up destroying them. If you can make it through the book without having that revelation, then it kind of shows you "I'm making something out of nothing".

It kind of sounds like maybe your just depressed. Depression can throw people for a loop in every aspect of your life. Him asking you those questions could be a sign of insecurity or simply him not knowing your status in the relationship.

Have you ever considered that you may be sabotaging yourself? Sounds like you have a great guy. He treats you nice, doesn't hurt you and maybe just acts goofy sometimes. (All guys act like 12 yr olds sometimes and that's okay).

I have also been guilty of this. Things are just too good and I feel like "this is too good to be true. this can't be a decent relationship" and I sabotage it. I have done this with a few guys. Start accusing them of things and finding little things to complain about when really, I had it pretty darn good. So it is possible that these are your own insecurities surfacing.

I don't have a specific answer for you but hope that you can do a little soul searching to find WHY you are having these doubts. If you truly think it's him and not you, then I'd think about whether it would be better to leave. Good luck in your search.

hmmm...im having something similar problem. Is so difficult to explain are we behaving like that due to our mood or is due to our love towards him. How long is ur relationship with him? Did u meet anyone which makes u happier compared to him? I wonder r we in the same situation

[quote=salukigirl;1652531]I went and got this book called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. It's by Mira Kirschenbaum. Basically she takes you through situations that typically kill relationships. Some may seem small but, over time, end up destroying them. If you can make it through the book without having that revelation, then it kind of shows you "I'm making something out of nothing".
quote]

Hey, I requested that book from the library too! Haven't received it yet. Have you started it? Is it good? Have you come to a conclusion?

I kinda have a similar issue. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and for some odd reason i always get suddenly angry or depressed. I believe the reason i get that way is due to hormones or something else that i see or here trigures it. For example yesterday my boyfriend got a brand new car and i got very jelous and it made me depressed since i have to drive a peice of CRAP mini van and my parents cant afford to buy me a nice car like his can. I wouldnt say that i dont love him since its not his fault that i have mood swings. But i do question whether or not i actually do or not. So just let him know to be patient with you and hopefully he will understand.

i love her , i adore her , she feels like she doesn't love me anymore ... how to know the true answer ? any help ?????