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#1
Oct 08, 2005, 07:49 PM
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Ok, here's the deal. I am married, and have been for 7 years. I love my husband, and we have 3 children together. I really do love him. I'd never think of leaving him, and I'd never do anything "stupid" to hurt him. But the problem is that I have found myself literally obsessing over another man lately. Not just minor things either. I think about him all the time, and in every way imaginable. I notice everything about him.... and I like everything I notice. BUT I do still love my husband. So, what the HECK is wrong with me??!?!?! I feel like I am losin' it. Anyone ever done anything like this before? Any advice? Anything? I can handle anything anyone has to say! So let me have it if you think I need it! LOL
PS-This man isn't someone I am around every day or anything like that. Just someone both me and my hubby know.
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"There are things we need to forget and forgive, Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need." Silverchair- All Across The World |
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#2
Oct 08, 2005, 07:54 PM
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Jen,
When I was married, I did that, particularly around the 7 year period. Though I never loved my husband, I stayed in the marriage for 20 years until our daughter left for college. So this probably doesn't help you much, since you do love your husband. I was never unfaithful to my husband, by the way, during the whole marriage. But I do remember around the 7 year mark I was obsessed with someone.! Maybe that's what they mean by the "7 year itch!" Sorry, I know this isn't much help! Seeker |
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#3
Oct 08, 2005, 09:01 PM
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Don't do anything!! It's good to have a little bit of excitement, provided you dont act on it because you will regret it forever!! I went thru a stage in my marriage to my ex husband he was very mentally abusive and intimidating and put me down so much. So when I was paid attention by another man (also married) I acted on it, and had a one off fling, which made me feel even worse about myself!! Dont act on it hons!! All the very best and stay strong!!
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#4
Oct 08, 2005, 09:10 PM
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MP,
what you're doing is VERY common. it says to me, though, that you're stuck in a rut and feel the need right now for some little extra. i did exactly what you're doing as well. without telling hubby the "why's and wherefore's", could you tell him that you need a "perk" (in a very nice way of course). i think that might be the first thing i'd try. fantasy is a cool thing, i think. be safe and good luck! kd
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#5
Oct 09, 2005, 12:29 PM
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Don't worry, and don't feel guilty. Although I'm not in your situation, I've done lots of reading on relationships. Pretty much you are in LOVE with your husband and you are in LUST with this other man. Don't act on it, and follow everyone else's advice!
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#6
Oct 09, 2005, 10:50 PM
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Thanks everyone. At least now I don't feel like I am losing it. LOL I will never act on these "thoughts".... EVER. I love my hubby WAYYYYY too much for that. I was just a little worried that something was really wrong with me! Now I am so relieved! LOL Thanks again.
(((Hugs Everyone)))
__________________
"There are things we need to forget and forgive, Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need." Silverchair- All Across The World |
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#7
Oct 09, 2005, 10:51 PM
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KD... you may have something there when you say I might just be stuck in a rut. Ya know, I think you may be right!
__________________
"There are things we need to forget and forgive, Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need." Silverchair- All Across The World |
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#8
Oct 09, 2005, 10:53 PM
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7 year itch, my friend, 7 year itch.
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#9
Oct 09, 2005, 11:08 PM
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((((((((((((((((jennifer)))))))))))))))))
ya know all those thoughts? they could be to your and hubby's advantage! you could turn this around into something really fun that doesn't look anything close to a rut! hehe. good luck. kd
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#10
Oct 13, 2005, 02:54 PM
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I agree with Kimmydawn. Its not bad that you are THINKING about another man.. we all have fantasies - its what we do with them that matters. Its kinda like guys going to a strip club - as long as they look and don't touch nothing wrong - especially if they come home and their wife, gf, or partner gets the benefits of his fantasy being stimulated.. Its ok to think of the other guy but just be sure not to call his name out during an intimate moment with the hubby.
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#11
Oct 14, 2005, 09:24 AM
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I agree rut or 7 year itch all the same to me. Being attracted to another when we are married is human we are not dead. It's what we do with it makes the differance. Using it, playing with it in your head or fantisizing about him to get stimulated I disagree with that being ok but that's just my opinion and I know it is not a well liked opinion. Takes much more creativity, time and comittment to come up with things to spice things up and much more pleasing and intimate then just fantasizing of another.
It is common after being married for a while that we end up getting so wrapped up in our everyday lives like bills, work, kids, friends, etc.... that we forget to do those things that use to come so easy to show each other we love and care for each other. Taking the time is very important. larks |
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#12
Oct 15, 2005, 05:09 PM
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Sometimes I think we are so desparate for change in our lives that we start to believe the relationship we are currently in is dead/fizzled and so we start believing life could be so much better with him or her or .....
Maybe it would be best to just see what is leading you down this path> |
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#13
Oct 16, 2005, 08:23 PM
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If in your shoes I would probably have a heartfelt conversation w/my husband & let him know what was going on in my head.
I shouldn't even offer advice - compared to what everyone else is saying, I'm a very bad woman because I act on sexual thoughts (but I also have an open marriage, so think what you will about me)... buuuut, we are at the basic level, a primate & when most primate behavior (especially bonobo chimps, who are genetically very close to us) is analyzed - monogamy just isn't natural. Having fantasies is perfectly natural, desires, wants, needs... all perfectly natural. There's no need to feel guilty or bad because you're having fantasies. They can be a lot of fun!
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For every ailment under the sun, there be a remedy or there be none. If there be a remedy, try to find it. If there be none, then never mind it. |
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