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#1
Jan 28, 2011, 05:15 PM
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comparing the person you are interested in, dating, wanting to talk to you from your first love?
I have a habit of comparing my first love (who cheated, lied,etc) to my guy friend that i have now. It seems like no matter how good the guy is. I always feel that that guy will do me the same way. I was soooo devastated when i broke up with my ex. The thing is that the relationship has been over for years now. Every guy that enters my life, i am very skeptical of that it is hard to give a guy a chance. It like i already have this mind set that they going to cheat, lie, etc. At the end, i will be hurt. I am tried of comparing because when i do this, i do not even want to try to put effort in the relationship. How do I stop this? It is soo hard.. 
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#2
Jan 29, 2011, 01:52 PM
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Good question!
In my opinion, it takes time to get through such a negative experience. You may need professional help to get through the tendency to have reminding throughts enter your mind whenever you do like a guy. It's as though you are angry with yourself. You blame yourself and don't trust your ability to pick out a decent man. (Just my interpretation...) If that's the case, staying out of relationships for awhile, while working upon making yourself feel more confident and secure may be the way to go. It sure wouldn't hurt! It seems that most people in life could use some self-love and acceptance ~ rather than continuing to kick ourselves for pain's that we've experienced. Best wishes to you ~ gentle hugs.
__________________
"Only in the darkness can you see the stars." - Martin Luther King Jr. "Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace." - Author Unkown |
 ButterfliPrincess11
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#3
Jan 29, 2011, 02:10 PM
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Hello, ButterfliPrincess11. You may not have dealt with the grief from the loss of your first love.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm |
| ButterfliPrincess11
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#4
Jan 29, 2011, 10:12 PM
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I agree with Byzantine. You haven't really dealt with the issues that plague now, therefore you cannot move forward. You're stuck in the past!
The only way to deal is to really try to get over this. Do what it takes - counseling, journaling - anything to get to the root of why you compare this person to all others. A relationship that is dead is like dealing with a death. That person that you invested in are no longer. When you can get past your grief, hopefully you can get past the notion that everyone else is going to hurt you too. I'm kind of dealing with the same thing, and am thinking of severing all ties with my ex-husband because it's getting weird. I have to put it to rest, and I have to move on. Hanging onto this only hurts me - not him. That's a good way to think of it, too. Good luck! |
| ButterfliPrincess11
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#5
Jan 30, 2011, 05:15 PM
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Quote:
You mention something about journaling? How could that help?
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#6
Jan 30, 2011, 05:18 PM
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Thank yall all. How can i get pass this? How do i let it go and be happy?
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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