[MariaMarieJME]

I'm 20 and he's 31...
My dad doesn't like me seeing him so he disallow me to have him in the house.
I live with my parents still because I've only been here for 4 years
I'm having a hard time finding a job because of lack of experience but I am still endlessly applying for one
I also have 25 credits this quarter so my time to work is limited until March when I'm finish, I'll be getting a degree.

My parents are also difficult people. they're nice most of the time but they can be two-faced people, they pretend to be nice to someone they don't really like. Plus, they always blame me for everything (and I mean it literally). They also expect me to cook each meal and everyday I'm home, clean up after their mess and all that. They even belittle me, like calling me dumb, and telling me how they see me growing old alone in the future. Whenever I date someone, they always think I seduce them into dating me they don't ever think they date me because they like me. They've also accused me of dating him because of his job and money which is very hurtful. Even though, they tell me that, I can't say anything because I'm financially dependent on them for now.

About him, He's a very very sweet guy.
He's very polite, does everything to cheer me up or make me happy
he has not slipped except that one friday night he had to cancel our date because he wasn't feeling well.
The relationship is new, around 1-2months but we both intend to have this for the long haul. He's still living with his mother but in the next 1-2 months, he's taking over the house. He's also working as an engineer.

I didn't want to sabotage the relationship so I have not told him.
I'm so stressed out. I'm so afraid that I would lose him.
The relationship is only 1-2 months (but we've been going out 3 months and have known each other for two years) We've always have been drawn to each other but some things got in the way and just last october, the opportunity presented itself and we took the chance.

Then here we are, we have a strain in our relationship

[LookingforCalm]

I'm so sorry about that! That sounds awful! And I know how hard it is to get a job!

The best thing to do, I think, is to find something small for a job. Work somewhere part-time. It will get your mind off things at home, and with going to school and such I would imagine even that would be taxing.

Your parents are trying to control you and make you feel like you can't ever leave home. It seems like they don't want you to be independent. By calling you dumb and that you'll never find a man is extremely belittling, and you have every right to speak up for yourself - but I bet you're afraid to do that.

But you have to. No one else can stick up for you but you. You're 20! I don't understand why they are making you feel so insignificant!

But remember - you're not. You're with a good guy, and you're happy. Don't let them take that happiness from you. And methinks soon that they will need to be confronted with this information.

Take care. Let me know how you are doing...

[Perna]

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time at the moment. I think, unless you pay rent to your parent, that you do need to do chores to make up the difference, pay for the roof over your head and food. Since it is your parents house, too, they can say who they like or don't like in their house.

I left home because my stepmother called me "stupid" one time too many. Were I you, I would make sure I spend most of my available time somewhere else, at school or a library
where I can study, search/apply for jobs or make plans.

I would tell your bf your parents don't want any of your friends to come to the house. You do not have to make it personal, do not tell him your parents do not like him, just that you are not allowed to have people over to their house. I don't think he will mind; the two of you can work toward after you finish school, have your degree and a job, and can get a place of your own.

[Leed]

I certainly don't understand your parents. They're giving you mixed signals. In one breath they're saying you're never going to get married. Then in the next breath, they malign the guys you meet saying "you lured him into your web" ~ what EXACTLY do they want anyway??? It almost sounds like they're nuts!!

I do find it kind of strange that a guy who is 31 "still lives with his mother." That would scare me a little. Has he EVER gone out on his own? Or has he always lived with her? If he's always lived with her, you just might have a problem. lol He would have difficulty separating himself from her, I suspect.

You're grown up ~ granted, if you live in your parents home, you have to abide by their house rules ~ but that doesn't mean that you have to accept their abuse. They have no RIGHT to call you names and you should tell them so - not in an angry scenario - but just remind them that name calling and verbal abuse is out. I wish you the best of luck. God bless. Hugs, Lee