[RomanSunburn]

Sooo, I'm having some struggles right now. The dumb part is it has nothing to do with me, but my emotions are still reeling.

Today, my best friend told me that he slept with his neighbor (they live in a duplex). Except, the neighbor is and has been in a relationship for two years. And she lives with her boyfriend. And the girlfriend is actually completely dependent on her boyfriend because she doesn't have a job. And my friend knows the boyfriend. And my friend kept giving bs excuses for why this was okay -- one of which really pissed me off. First he said it was okay because she has "mental problems" because apparently "mental problems" mean cheating doesn't really count (don't worry, I yelled at him for that one). He also said it was okay because she was hot; he wouldn't have done anything with her if she had been ugly.

He refuses to ask her to break up with her boyfriend because "he's good for her" and my friend doesn't want to be the reason they break up.

Basically, I'm having a really hard time dealing with this. He's my best friend, but he's doing something that really upsets me. I'm so disappointed, but I don't know if I'm more disappointed that he did it or that he doesn't seem to care that he did it, that he would do it again (apparently they both want to). He basically said that he doesn't feel bad about this at all because if the girl's boyfriend is too dumb to realize his girlfriend is taking advantage of him and not being faithful, then it's his own fault he's with her.

I'm just so.. flabbergasted. I'm angry at him. I can't believe him. He isn't the person I met and became best friends with. When we first met, he never would have done this, he refused to be friends with people that smoked pot, he rarely drank. Now he smokes and drinks to oblivion and sleeps with any girl that will have him. I know why he's doing this, he's desperate for love and affection and is taking this because he feels if he doesn't get it from her, he won't get it from anyone. But it's just horrifying to see what he's doing to feel wanted, to boost his extremely low self esteem. I mentioned that I missed the guy I met when we first started being friends. He said, "I kind of don't. I have more fun as the new me."

Baaah... how do I stop being so upset about all this?? This doesn't affect me, but I can't let it go. I don't want to stop being friends with him, I just want him to stop being this person I don't want to be around.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Sorry if I got long; just really frustrated and needed to vent and get some outside opinions to tell me to stop stressing over something that has no impact on my life.

[trance]

what do you mean has no impact on your life...it sure does have an impact on your life....this is a friend of yours taking advantage of a mentally unstable person...she may not even know what she is doing is wrong...but he does and he doesn't care...give me a break he is insecure and low self esteemed...this person has changed from the person you knew into someone you have no respect for...someone should tell the boyfriend and see if your buddy doesn't get his *** kicked...push this one to the curb...he would have no problem screwing you over given the chance...in my humble opinion...

[RomanSunburn]

I appreciate your reply, but I just have to correct you on one thing. I'm pretty sure she told him she has mental problems (he would have worded it differently if he was guessing she did), so maybe she is using it as an excuse for her behavior. Also, he is not taking advantage of a girl who doesn't realize what she is doing. She told him that she wanted to be drunk the next time they got together because it was her way of feeling less guilty. They both know they are doing something wrong and neither of them care, but it is not entirely on my best friend's side.

I have trouble with the idea of just kicking this kid to the curb. We are best friends, we've always gotten along great. He's really only gone down hill since I left the state (he lives in MA, I moved to WI about 8-9 months ago). He would always tell me things like I was the best thing that happened to him. We've been extremely close for almost three years. I just want him to go back to the guy I met all that time ago...

Thanks again for your reply; I really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.

[Leed]

I'm sorry but this guy is a pig. Any guy who would sleep with a woman who is basically "taken" is a pig. What if some girl did the same thing with YOUR man? What would you think of that woman? You'd think she was a pig, right? Well, that's what this guy is. He has no scruples -- of course she doesn't either. Neither one does. They aren't thinking about who they might be hurting. They just don't care!! That to me is unconscionable. they BOTH should get caught red-handed and then have to answer for it.

I HATE people who cheat! if they don't like what they have, then dump it and go somewhere else. And I hate the people who cheat WITH them. They're all PIGS.

[RomanSunburn]

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and to reply, Lee, I really appreciate it.

I"m just having a little bit of trouble with everyone immediately telling me to drop my best friend of three years at the drop of a hate for a REALLY poor decision he made that doesn't directly impact my life. Wouldn't it be better for me to stick around and guide him in the right direction; call him out on his bs actions? Make sure he doesn't make this mistake again? Make sure he understands what he is doing? This is a friend who has never intentionally hurt me; who has often been kinder to me than my boyfriend knew how, who truly knows me and doesn't reject me for who I am. I have trouble throwing that away when I know he would never throw me away.

I'm also far more upset with the girl involved in all of this than I am with my best friend. My friend told me today that she has bipolar (she did tell him), and that she is prescribed lithium. Brilliant girl that she is knows that if she takes the full and proper dose then she won't have the impulse to get black out drunk and sleep with every guy she sees. So what does she do? Doesn't take the full dose. She also was the one who came on to my friend first (I know this doesn't excuse his actions in any way), yet she refuses to leave her boyfriend because "she loves him." Personally, I figure if you love someone, you would do everything in your power to make that relationship healthy, stable, secure, including taking your medications, but then, that's just my opinion. For me, the person who has the most blame, although cheating takes two to tango and both are guilty of wrongdoing, is the person in the relationship. I've dealt with cheating before so I know how much it hurts and destroys you and your relationship, and I have trouble understand why anyone who says they love another human being would intentionally hurt them for their own fleeting pleasure.

Anyways, back to my friend. I made it clear that I do not approve of this at all. I really told him everything on my mind, how disappointed and angry I was, how if I met him today we probably wouldn't become friends, the whole nine yards. I also made a point of saying that I don't think he should even talk to this girl. I think I really got through to him. I actually made him cry; he was so afraid of losing me as a friend. I feel like this made him realize that doing what he did is not making him the person he wants to be, especially if the person he wants to be values our friendship and my opinion of him. I feel like that sounds a little high and mighty of me, but what are friends and lovers for if not to make ourselves better and happier people?

Anyways, thanks for reading and letting me vent. If anyone else has opinions how I should handle this or what I should have done differently, I'd love to hear them. I feel like I need to guide him in the right direction, almost like a parent. Thanks again!