I've met this man online...

Hi, all,
I've met this man online while playing on Club Pogo. He is very handsome, age 61, retired, planning to move to Florida from Maine. He's emailing and IMing me frequently. I find myself at once flattered, and at the same time a bit impatient and even annoyed. He's divorced 5 years, having spent the past years in Maine caring for his ailing parents, now both deceased. Looking to move South, he has even insinuated he would move near me! He's handsome, seems honest, and is inteligent and articulate. What is it about me that is feeling reticense? I do! I can really admit, I'd like a relationship with someone who wintered in FL and summered in Maine! But I don't want anyone "underfoot" at this time. I'm flattered and a bit taken aback by the attention. What do y'all think?
Seeker

I can understand the waryness of it all, I have that with my new boyfriend, it's like I don't really want someone close to me but at the same time I do. Trust has always ended in hurt.

I do think you should be careful though hun, people aren't always who they say they are on the internet. I'm not saying don't do it, if you decide to, that's great, just be careful.

xx

I would meet this man in person asap to see if what he says online is really true. I have met men from the internet and they are not at all what the seem like online. Yes, they were charming, intelligent, frequent emails/ecards, phone calls, shared interests,.....etc. Trust me...meet this man in person asap...online IMing....etc is a fantasy world...meet him in person...then you will know the reality of the situation.

Take Care,

Dublin_75

If you meet him in person, meet him in a public place. Lots of people around.

And dont agree to go back to his/your hotel or home! Just meet him again for another date if you want to...but always in public and take your own car.

patty, how long has it been since you posted about being over "needing" a man and being happy on your own. please go back and read your posts to see what you were thinking then. men online can make themselves out to be "George Clooney", if they want to. goodlooking, charming, articulate, etc. it is very easy to sit in front of a monitor and tell someone what they want to hear. very, very easy. too easy.

he could be looking for someone to support him..he could be looking for someone to abuse.....people are online, by the hundreds of thousands, looking for something that we don't think they are looking for. please, please, please, rethink this. please go slow.

it it sounds too good to be true, it probably is....love, pat

How long have you "known" him? I met my husband online, but we talked (JUST talked) online and on the phone for over 8 months before we ever met. Even then it was just for a weekend and then back to our separate corners so to speak.

Don't let anyone rush you into something you aren't ready for, ever. If he truly is what he says he is, he won't mind if you need extra time to be more comfortable.

Part of me wonders if his sense of urgency is age related. Sometimes people who are older feel this urgency to be with someone because they "don't have much time left" (of course, that happens with young people too).

I say trust your instincts and follow them. Mine seem to be right, especially when I disregard them.

Gosh seeker,

I have followed your experiences over the last year, and now something new is happening!

Now that I know you a little I am going to be brave and say that IMHO you may be putting out lots of friendly vibes and men are picking up on that.

The question is - what do really want to do about it, in your own heart? We can give lots of advice but I think that you will be guided by something deeper inside yourself.

Also I'm sure you wouldn't want to hurt someone who was genuine and kind either, so I would say to be clear with him about not being sure at the moment. As always, this is only my own view.

Good thoughts, M

Patty, you say you're "flattered" and a bit taken aback by "all the attention." Does that ring any bells for you? This guy is showing you all kinds of attention right off the bat and has even said he'll move close to you.

Slow down, put your head in the game, not just your emotions. Flattery and attention, flattery and attention. What is that telling you?

Hi.

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But I don't want anyone "underfoot" at this time.

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If you really feel this about the situation...I don't think it would work. I'd think quite seriously about this.

TGC

Thanks so much, all of you!
I've absorbed much of what all of you have written here throughout the day today. The bottom line is that I find myself not much interested in pursuing a relationship right now. He seems a very nice men, and I truly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. He revealed to me that he has been married three times. His employment history sounds sporadic, working in a variety of dissimilar forms of employment, then spending the past 5 years as a caregiver of elderly parents. Fayerody's comment of "looking for someone to take care of him" rings true. Also, YES, Myzen, I am probably sending out positive vibes, now that I'm happy and healthy emotionally. At the same time, I'm not feeling the need for companionship at all!, thus the comment about having someone "underfoot!"
The only sign of my struggle with solitude recently is my obsession (posted about here) of rescuing another pet or pets! I recognize the patterns, since I've done this repeatedly before when I was "man free~!" I currently have three pets as testiment to it! As well as several I rescued, spending large amounts to get them healthy and find them homes. This correlates totally with my intervals of being alone. This man in Maine seems a perfect "man-rescue" candidate! I am recognizing this, and my behavior patterns.
Thanks, all of you.
Patty

Seeker,

I would be extremely careful....seriously...I was conned by a man while living in a very, very safe neighborhood where I grew up...and that is what landed me on this site. I have always been a very level-headed, intelligent person and it can happen to ANYONE - it was a very serious, legally complicated situation that destroyed me and my happy family dynamics and has me in a knot - and I have been more 9 months - totally unable to function.

I am obviously biased in this area because of my past experiences, but I would hate to see what happened to me happen to anyone else. I was a very strong, confident person before this happened to me and I have totally changed...and just starting to come out of it.

The internet is even more dangerous in this regard - so please please be careful....I do hope you have a good experience.

Thanks, Yack!
Been there, done that...I'm talking about an alcoholic/addict who conned me and then stalked me after I bought my first house after my divorce 8 years ago. He ultimately broke into my house with a gun and tried to shoot me (gun jammed or I'd be dead!) I know there are con artists out there! I've experienced other almost as bad relationships, and so I am very wary. Perhaps as a result of all this, or perhaps just my age of 55, I'm just tired of it all.
Seeker Patty