[TheDragon]

A few adjectives comes to mind when describing my immediate family. They would be controlling, neglectful, and abusive. One for each member of my family. A few months ago I was kicked out of home while hospitalized. Eventually I found a place of my own and settled in, however I could not retrieve important things to my life such as my laptop, IDs, and a few last bits and pieces.

After months of "talking it over" and "discussing" things with my family to get the last of my property back I realized it was going nowhere. I just wanted the last of my stuff so I would never have to speak to them again in the future. Last week after emailing my mother (who is the owner of my old home and the one refusing to give my property back) patiently, politely and in detail about what I need back and why, I got an email back from my SISTER who should not be involved in the first place because my mother does not like to deal with anything in her life.

The email I got back from my sister was passive aggressive and insulting. Furthermore it did not address the issue at hand other than saying no. I replied back asking if it was possible to just set up a time to at least get my IDs back as this was a pressing matter for me and they have promised for months now to give it back.

After sending this email I figured enough was enough and went to the police station and asked them what I could do about this situation. The officer gave me a number that helped people retrieve property from old homes. However they will not and do not intervene if there are items under dispute or if someone flat out refuses to hand property back. Basically they can't do much except keep the situation as calm as possible.

My concern now is that if I go with them to my old home to at least get my ID back (since you really can't say no to giving someone's ID to them...though the officer did point out if they really refuse nothing they can do...) I will never be able to get the last of my stuff out of spite for "calling the cops on my own family" or something along those lines (though they have called the police on me before and tried to have my arrested on made up charges).

I'm incredibly frustrated because it seems like there's nothing I can do but give up on my stuff and just hope to get my IDs back. I JUST WANT MY STUFF BACK AND TO GO ON WITH MY LIFE NOT PLAY SOME STUPID POWER CONTROL GAME!!!! I have so many other concerns that are more important to deal with and this one has been going on for far too long but this feels like it is the most frustrating thing because I know my family is trying to be petty, and trying to hold something over my head and nothing else. It is not the first time they have went out of their way to make my life difficult and I am SICK OF IT!

P.S. Forgot to add that I found an email reply from my sister to my reply about getting my stuff back. Once again the email was absolutely irrelevant and completely side steps everything I said.

[rubenesque]

I think its worth asking your contact with the of to get your belongings. And if that fails you can get new ones even if that is tricky. Especially if you do not have all your papers.

[lastyearisblank]

You can get new stuff-- buy a new laptop, get new ids. But it is ******** that your family is not willing to let you pick this stuff up.

(Really? I mean, really???)

I would suggest playing this one "soft." Deep down, everyone yearns for reconciliation. Especially harsh and judgmental families with strict rules about mental health issues. My family has cut me off more than once, just for having issues that fall outside their designated "zone" of ok family members. Go back and be what they need you to be, until you get your stuff back.. I know it sucks but it works.

They probably miss you more than they let on.

[sabby]

Sorry to hear about this issue TheDragon. I do understand how frustrating and maddening it can be when family does things like this.

I would say your best way around it all is to replace your ID's, get a copy of your birth certificate (usually about $5), replace your laptop if you can and write off the rest of the stuff for now.

I understand how it hurts, believe me. But I also think it will hurt you a lot more if you keep trying to retrieve your stuff and keep getting the runaround. Maybe this is their way of controlling a situation or you and also to make sure they hear from you. So go ahead and do something that will fluster them, get replacements and don't contact them anymore. That should get them wondering what's going on. Sometimes we have to cut our losses and move on.

There is also small claims court you can go to and sue them for your belongings. I'm appalled that the police won't do a "civil standby" so that you can retrieve your belongings. But, maybe if you get a judge to say you can have your things back, the police can be called for that civil standby then.

Wishing you well!

[Can't Stop Crying]

Have you looked into victim services at all? I know they helped a friend retrieve items from an abusive boyfriends home. You said above that your family is abusive and neglectful...maybe worth a shot?!?

[madisgram]

i think sabby's reply re small claims court is an excellent suggestion. i wish you well and hope you can get this resolved. if it were me after that i'd stay away from family. they are toxic, imho.

[ladyjrnlist]

Dragon, I think you should try to stop contacting them. They aren't good for you right now. I know money is an issue, but perhaps you can get your papers yourself. Get the copy of the birth certificate and go from there.
I am sorry that the people who are supposed to support you can't be bothered. That is unfair and painful.