[dashigara12]

I was friends with this one girl since September 2010 and she asked me to go out with her as her girlfriend in December. She had just gotten over self harming like, a week before, and she really liked me, and I didn't want to hurt her by saying no. At the time I thought I might feel something back for her, but I think my mind was making it up.

But I can tell now that the emotions were fake because I don't love her that way. I love her as a friend, but I don't know how to tell her that. I'm scared she'll go back to self harming. I self harm so I know what it is and what it does and I don't want her to go back to it because of me. I feel awful for starting in it, because I wasn't sure and I should've said no at the beginning, and I don't know what to do now. I don't want to break up with her because I'm scared she'll go back to self harming, but I can't keep living a lie 24/7, and I'm in love with a different girl who I've been in love with since August (even though she said no every time I asked her to go out with me...so I thought I had stopped loving her). I just don't know what to do. I don't want to cause her any pain. I'm her first girlfriend, and I don't want to be someone who just blows someone else off. I don't know what to do!!!???

[Soul Quake]

This isn't fair to you, and it isn't fair to her. You're just prolonging the inevitable which is - this relationship is going to end. She will be all the more hurt if you continue stringing her along.

The possibility of her self harming is not your responsibility. It sounds like there's a chance you two will remain friends, and if that's the case, you can be supportive after the break up.

But by all means, don't tell her you were being fake the whole time, it was all a lie, etc. Just tell her you think you're better off friends, or something equally benign.

Learn from this mistake, and don't repeat it.

[salukigirl]

You shouldn't have to feel guilty for having your very valid feelings. I hope she isn't using this to keep you like threatening to self harm if you leave. Is there anyone in her family you can tell before you tell her? Like could you go to her mom or dad and say you are scared she will harm herself and have someone in the family keep an eye on her? I understand the guilty feeling. I have struggled trying to break up with someone for fear that they would just be so devastated. It feels really good when they find someone else and are happy because it takes that guilt away. But in the end it's what will make you happy. I hope you can remain friends but I also hope you are not hurt if she cannot be friends with you after this. But being with her when you don't feel the way she wants you to is not fair to her either. The best thing for both of you is to break it off. I hope you can find a way to break it to her.

[Leed]

I agree with the other ~ it just isn't fair to anyone. You are going to have to sit her down, and GENTLY tell her that this just isn't working out. Tell her that the feelings you THOUGHT you had aren't there, and you want to be friends ~ just not "girlfriends." Tell her that you value her friendship greatly, but you can't go any farther than a good friendship. And tell her you didn't mean to hurt her.

The sooner you do this, the better because the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee