[lastyearisblank]

I hope this question fits in here.

Ok, I've been told that each my parents have traits of personality disorders.

Isn't this totally unscientific?

I'm also worried it's unfair to diagnose someone else with a disorder in absentia; I think diagnoses should be used to help, not describe "bad behavior."

Just curious for anyone who knows for sure a loved one has a pd, what did that change for you?

Have you asked a professional about your concerns? Even if it was a professional that stated your parents have traits of personality disorders, he/she should answer your questions, including the intended use of the information passed along.

[turquoisesea]

My Therapist recently said my description of a once-friend of mine sounded like he had a lot of aspergers type traits. I think she said this to help better understand the situation and to validate what I was feeling. Also I think putting a label on things sometimes makes it easier for us to comprehend. She definitely was not diagnosing this person, and the information was meant for me alone to help me move on and learn.

I don't know what who described your parents this way but perhaps they were bringing attention to the fact that your parents were acting abnormally and the situation wasn't completely normal?

Also not to nitpick here but having traits of personality disorders doesn't mean they do have those disorders, but it does bring attention to the fact they might or that they are acting abnormally.

Those are just my thoughts - I don't have family members who are definitely diagnosed with a PD, so I'm no help there.

Hope you find the answers you're looking for

[Leed]

If this "opinion" wasn't given by a professional, I would find it a bit insulting, to be honest. What proof did they have to give this diagnosis?? What qualifications do these people have that gave this opinion?? How could they tell without having "sessions" with them for a goodly length of time? These so-called arm-chair "experts" ought to keep their opinions to themselves. Unless they have a degree in psychoanalysis, they have no business diagnosing anyone.

Don't take this to heart. Chances are your parents are just FINE. People like this more than likely are just trying to make themselves look more important. Don't pay any attention to them. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

Everyone exhibits behaviors, sometimes traits, that go with all the "disorders", we're all human and subject to all the emotions and susceptibilities. We can't get into each other's experiences though so, looking from the outside, we can't know exactly what moves a person to do this or that activity. One person might isolate because they're depressed, another because they're anxious and a third for both reasons.

Behavior is too complex to fit others into convenient pigeon holes but that does not mean the classifications are useless. The classifications are for professionals so they can get a better idea how or where to start treating a person who comes to them for help. Some individuals like knowing how they are classified by the professionals they are working with.

A professional that uses a classification system in their work is going to use it to classify and often, that means all whom they come in contact with. It is partially how they "think" and perceive their world. If your therapist, from your description of your parents acts, felt your parents had traits of personality disorders, s/he probably has a reason for telling you, you should discuss it with him/her. It is not right or wrong, true or false, it's just a schema some use for understanding their world better. If you do not find it useful for you, then it is not useful for you. But to understand what another is saying/doing you have to talk to that other about it as anyone else's opinion would only be a guess.

[lastyearisblank]

Yup it was a professional. Thanks so much for your responses guys, much of what was said here is really thought provoking. I realize it's hard to really reply not knowing the situation.

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

I don't know what who described your parents this way but perhaps they were bringing attention to the fact that your parents were acting abnormally and the situation wasn't completely normal?

Originally Posted by Perna

The classifications are for professionals so they can get a better idea how or where to start treating a person who comes to them for help.

Yeah this is right on the money as well as what I find really ambiguous, about using the term pd to describe what is "normal" and "not normal" in one's parents. I mean do you then say, "I had a not-normal childhood?" "I am recovering from not being raised normally?" LOL! I feel like this is literally what my therapist is trying to say. What is a normal family? Is anyone or anything really normal? Is it worth having some sort of validation, to pretend that such a thing exists?

Also as Perna mentioned I am just not sure if it's ethical to describe someone having a PD if it's not intended to treat them (as in that book Stop Walking On Eggshells). I'm just really intrigued by the issues raised by this! Any diagnosis when you come down to it, can be taken pejoratively. When we seek treatment, we willingly take that risk. But we can't go back in time and make someone be open like that, so what is the point, after the fact?

Anyways.

[turquoisesea]

Completely know what you mean about the whole normal thing. It's a MYTH!

Pretty much the only point I can think of for a *very* delayed diagnosis of any kind is to help you in the present. Although we can't change our pasts, we are constantly defined by our pasts in many ways. My therapist works through a lot of things by going back, going back and gets to current events that way. It's kind of strange but it seems to be working (for me at least). In other words putting a label to what happened or what was going on may not be helpful to your parents but it *might* (or might not) be helpful to you.

I really think it's up to you how you take it. personally I like your approach and how you see so many of the questions this issue raises - I'm now officially enjoying this thread and glad to meet you xD

[lastyearisblank]

Yay I'm glad to meet you too turquoisea! Anyone who doesn't believe in normal is a-ok in my book.