[UneasyPeasy]

I used to have a tight group of friends. The four of us were inseparable. Almost every day/night we would be together doing something crazy or nothing at all. No matter what was going on we were always just happy to be with each other. One by one, though, the group began to fall apart. One got married, one I had to stop all communication with because of his obsession over me (it got really bad really fast and it was destroying my romantic relationship), and the last one to leave...my very best friend in the world. She turned her back on me so quickly that I didn't even see it happening. We went to college and were roommates for two semesters (we had been friends throughout high school), but as soon as summer came, I never saw her again. This friendship was not just a normal one. We were like sisters. We shared our lives in such a close way that I felt that she was a part of me. When I tried to talk to her she would either not respond, tell me she didn't mean to be distant and we would hang out soon, or tell me she was depressed and didn't want to talk.

What I don't understand is, she talks to EVERYONE ELSE except me. If the problem was depression, why was it focused on me when I hadn't done anything at all? I was so confused and tried many times to get her to explain what had happened to make her abandon our friendship. I never got an answer. That all happened about 6 months ago. Ever since then, I haven't built any new friendships. I yearn every day to have her back in my life and to have that tight group of friends that we shared. Those were the best times in my life. I feel like I'll never have another friend like that. It's wearing me down lately and I don't know what to do. I'm clinging to my significant other like he's the last person on earth because I have NO ONE ELSE. It's tearing us apart because I'm suffocating him. I don't know why I can't make friends and why I can't revive what I've lost...

[cutebagaddict08]

I'm sorry to hear that. It's very hard when friendships end, and even hard when no one knows why. Some people do just grow apart, but from what you said, it doesn't sound like that in this case. Would you be able to ask her to meet you for dinner or coffee because you miss her? and try not talk about the past issues.

Sometimes people try to distant themselves from people they are closest to for reasons we will never understand. If she is suffering from depression, she may not be comfortable with you knowning or in her eyes 'calling her on it.'

Hello, UneasyPeasy.

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/736567
(you may have to register)

[turquoisesea]

Hey there, I think I've been in a similar situation.

I was really close with 2 people, we hung out together all the time for almost 2 years. One was my room mate for a time. Long story short, the guy "fell in love with me" and when I didn't return that he refused to even speak to me for months. Even now he's weird about it, and I honestly did NOTHING wrong in the situation. I helped him through a break up with his girlfriend, I was a good friend but never suggestive or anything. So that's the same as you, basically, I think.
The other - who knows? First it was that she was too busy with school and her newly found sorority group (which she left not long after) to hang out with me normally. then it was that I didn't call her enough over the summer (after she already wasn't hanging out with me or answering my calls in the first place. Then, it was oh we should hang out, but everytime we tried (or at least I tried) it didn't work. Now, she's my roomie again and we have not actually hung out for over 6 months of living together. She constantly says she wants to but every time I bring it up she says she's too busy and she'll do later in the week... and in the next 30 minutes I see her hanging out with *other* friends in a coffee shop.



I truly understand how horribly frustrating and hurtful this can be. My SO is also a huge part of my life right now because I've lost these people. But one person just can't make up for a group of friends no matter how wonderful that person is.

it's HARD to make new friends. Especially when you were so close to the old ones. HOW CAN YOU EVER TRUST AGAIN? after everything that happened? You have to be gentle with yourself and I think we both need to stretch our limits, and keep trying. Reach out as much as we can, and work to make new friendships with some new people. I think we have to let the others go - we can't change them, and it wouldn't be healthy even if we could.

Thinking of you, nice to meet you, and hope you can find some friends.

((((((UneasyPeasy))))))


ps: sorry if I talked too much about myself but our situations were so scarily similar I thought it would nice to share =)

[madisgram]

it's difficult to lose such good friends. sometimes as we mature ppl just move on. sounds strange about your friend but repect whatever is. she's doing other things and for whatever reason it's not working out with you two. i know it's like losing an arm or somthin' but reach out to others and new ppl will come into your life. stay busy too. less time to muddle over it. get involved with new things...join a hiking group or whatever with ppl with similar intersts as yours. when i was your age i remember this happening to me too. just be reassured new wonderful ppl will come into your life. some may remain forever. some may not. know you feel lonely so get cracking to make those new friends.

[ChrisLove]

Maybe your friend had secret resentment towards you. People grow up and apart, It's a fact of life. You should confront your friend and try and get the friend to tell you what's going on.