[struggling67]

Hello...

I am fairly new and still trying to graps all that BPD entails. My counselor tells me that she thinks my ex boyfriend may have bpd. We live far apart from one another and we have been estranged for a while. I am wondering if maybe he does in fact have bpd. Can anyone tell me if any of the following things are indicative of someone with bpd. He would never say anything is wrong with him and would never go for cousneling, so there is no luck with that..I'm trying to figure it all out in my head...I'm so confused.

but here we go.

His dad was present in his life, but from what the ex has told me, his dad was cold and distant emotionally. The ex did tell me once that his dad hit him with a hammer. He also told me that his parents were very controlling so he moved away and keeps everything quiet. He is a very private person. It's ironic because his son is the same way and it bothers the ex.

1. The ex is a self proclamimed jealous guy.

2. The ex and I were estranged, again at this one point. Most of the communication came from me. He rarely called. When things were early on and good, he called all the time. Anyways, he happend to call on the fourth of July last year and i missed the call. I wasn't expecting anyone to call. I happened to see there was a voice mail and it was him in a very ticked off voice saying "oh nevermind..BYE!". I called back within 15 minutes. No answer....left a voicemail. Later sent a text and an email. No answer. He did not speak to me for 8 days because and I quote "I was too busy to take the call". He knows I have two kids.

3. He gets mad a lot like in the above situation and will say to me about other people "time to give them the old silent treatment". I got that a lot...once because the called got dropped and for no reason at all he thought I hung up on him. That shut out lasted 4 days.

4. My mom had breast cancer. She lives far away in the same town as him. I was going to visit her while she had surgery and visit him too. Just prior to going out there, I had a bad case of insominia..was owrried about my mom who had breast cancer, and a few other things all went wrong at the same t ime. He wanted to g out when I came into town and prior to that kept asking me what I wanted to tod. I kept telling him that it didn't matter to me, what was important to me was being there with HIM> WE could sit on the couuch and watch tv, it was just seeing him i wanted. He isnsited that going out and doing thins would make me remember more...I told him no, YOU are what will make m remmeber more and you dont' hae to go anywhere for that to happen. He asked again, and I said in a zombie state because I had insomnia "I will go with the flow" He BLEW up at me and cchewed me out. Told me I was being too mopey and if I was going to be mopey I shouldn't come out there to see him, because he has had mopey in his life before. He knew about my mom and all.

5. Lastly and I know this is long. Do peopel with bpd (and I know al lare different) say things wether nice or mean where you can hear t the comments or see them posted? Do they post thi ngs to rile you up or make you feel al warm and fuzzy in hopes that you will initiate contact? Mine is being a jerk and saying things he knows will hurt me..because he ca?? Normally I would have repsonded by now, but no, I won't. He has also posted some sex sexual kind of crap to which I haven't contacted him about. Is this in chance a way to get the other person upst enough to CONTACT them?

I'm curious and struggling...

Thanks

[Soul Quake]

Originally Posted by struggling67

Lastly and I know this is long. Do peopel with bpd (and I know al lare different) say things wether nice or mean where you can hear t the comments or see them posted? Do they post thi ngs to rile you up or make you feel al warm and fuzzy in hopes that you will initiate contact? Mine is being a jerk and saying things he knows will hurt me..because he ca?? Normally I would have repsonded by now, but no, I won't. He has also posted some sex sexual kind of crap to which I haven't contacted him about. Is this in chance a way to get the other person upst enough to CONTACT them?

Borderlines can be manipulative. Why are you reading his comments?

Hello, struggling67. Have you talked to your ex about your concerns? Is he willing to get professional help? Does he understand he is hurting you?

If not, it would seem your options are limited. If you stay, he will might well think he does not have to change (Too, you might get professional help for yourself. Even so, you will be accepting behavior you deem inappropriate). If you leave with the understanding you will not be coming back unless he actually receives professional help, the relationship might end, but you no longer will be subjected to emotional abuse.

Good luck.