[collegebound11]

Currently I am a high school senior, and I will be going to college in the fall of 2011. I have a boyfriend who is 21, and he has had at least 15 sexual partners in his lifetime thus far. He is my first boyfriend, first kiss etc. We started dating in August of last year. I am a virgin, so we have not yet had sex. It is clear that he is more experienced than me, and he is ok with waiting until I want to have sex. However, he has asked me on numerous occasions for nude pictures. I'm wondering if I should send them or not.
We do have a long distance relationship. (I am currently six hours away in the same state, so I see him on holidays and other breaks.) But, I do trust him, and I strongly believe that he has not cheated on me.
He is a kind person, but sometimes I wonder if I can accept how many previous sexual partners he has had. Only about 6 of the 15 or so have been girlfriends. He lost his virginity at an early age, and he told me that most of these encounters happened before he reached 10th grade and was mature enough to realize how dangerous his actions were.
We were friends for a while before we dated because I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship, so I found out a lot of intimate details about his previous sexual relationships. Maybe it was too much detail because now that we are together. I am constantly bothered by ALL of it!
I love him, and I wish he was a virgin like me, so I wouldn't feel like this. It bothers me that he has been so "passionate" and attracted to that many woman. Sex is sacred to me, and I feel like he has abused it. I dont think he deserves my virginity. He wouldn't appreciate it like a virgin would.
My big question is, has he had too many sexual partners for someone like me to deal with? I know this other guy. He is so sweet and a virgin my age. Sometimes I feel like I should be with him instead.

Hello, collegebound11. After reading your post, I think you already know the answer.

Definitely don't send the nude pictures. Even if you trust him 100% now, you never know what can happen with them, and it's just neve a good idea.

A lot of guys have sex at an earlier age than women do. If you are uncomfortable with the fact that your your boyfriend has been as active as he has, then it is definitely something to consider.

You are also 6 hours away - is that going to change when you go to college? Maybe you should date someone who you can see more regularly that is at the same point of discovery you are - since that seems to be important.

[madisgram]

re nude pics. imho i wouldn't do this under any circumstances. if on his cellphone can be shared or downloaded to his pc and lord knows where he might post it. once it's on the web he's exposing you, pardon the pun, to the world. many ppl wish it was not done and it can't be deleted.
byz's reply to the rest of your thread is spot on.

[turquoisesea]

Don't send the nude pictures. Even if you trust him 100% there have been so many people that do this, break up say a year later and then their pictures are all over the internet.

I'm also tending to agree with Byz.

From personal experience, if something is bugging you deep down about a relationship, especially about the sexual side of the relationship, it's not going to go away unless something changes and some things just can't be changed. You didn't say how old you are but I'll guess that you're definitely not over 25 years old, and by your username I'd guess younger than that for sure. There's no rush to have sex. Trust me it's something you want to treasure. You should wait for your first time until you're 100% ready. I'm not saying you have to be married or whatever, just that you know when you look back there won't be REGRETS of any kind.

Sex is sacred to me, and I feel like he has abused it. I dont think he deserves my virginity. He wouldn't appreciate it like a virgin would.

I have felt the same way in the past. Please, trust yourself. You said it better than I could.

Take care, I'm a pm away =)

[collegebound11]

Thank you for all the replies. On the whole pictures topic, I guess I just felt that it was a favor I could do since he is waiting for when I'm ready to have sex (we've been together since August), but I know it's a bad idea. I won't be going through with it.
Sorry I didn't add my age, but I am 18. He is 21. To add, we will be a lot closer when I go to college, so that shouldn't be an issue for us.
I'm just really battling the question if I should be with him or not because I'm bothered by all of his previous partners. Is it possible to let this go? I feel that if I had a conversation with him on my worries and feelings on the topic, (which I plan to do when I see him in a week and a half) then maybe I could be assured that he does appreciate and see what I have to offer because as I stated above, he told me that most of these relationship/encounters occurred when he was very irresponsible and naive.
He is very understanding, so I believe that if I told him what I needed, he would try yo relieve my worries with his actions (i.e. making sure that he displays the value he sees in me)
I cannot say that he doesn't do that now because I think he's been very patient and understanding in the sense of my virginity and this being my first relationship, but I think I need a little more. Am I asking for too much, if so, please let me know?

[Yoda]

My concern with his many sexual partners is did he use protection with each and everyone of them and does he now have a STD?

What kind of contraception will you use?

[SlatkaMala]

Whatever you do, NEVER EVER EVER send anyone nude photos of yourself. Those can fall into the wrong hands and all hell will break loose. Even if he didn't post them on the internet himself, that doesn't mean that somebody can't hack into a phone. This happened to Paris Hilton. Also keep in mind that if they were on his computer and he took it in for repairs, someone can get a hold of them that way as well. This is what happened with Edison Chen in Hong Kong.

Don't do anything that will compromise your safety!!

[lastyearisblank]

It's great that you're planning to have a conversation with him about it. The decision to lose your virginity can be a big one, for the relationship, for you as a person. It is really important to consider what emotional affects that will have. Only you can figure out what to do, though people on here have given some great advice as usual.

I don't know what to tell you but 2 things stick out from the post-

Decide what your heart wants, independently of what is going to happen next year with college. You might not even be together by then (I know it's hard to imagine but it's at least possible). Would you still be ok losing your virginity to him if that were the case?

Second, as a not-so-long-ago teenage boy, he will say pretty much anything that he needs to say in this situation, to make the sex happen. Just going by the fact that he asked you to send nude pics, it seems he is eager to move things forward! And that in itself is not a sign someone is untrustworthy. But I think you can tell if you feel safe with someone, if you look at their actions. So I would just go by how you feel about being together, and not just what reassurance you get.

Good luck!

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by collegebound11

I'm just really battling the question if I should be with him or not because I'm bothered by all of his previous partners. Is it possible to let this go?

That's one only you can answer truly to yourself. It will probably be a rough battle if you choose to continue - neither of you can change the past I don't mean this to be unsupportive, but going from personal experience it may haunt you for a long time, if not always os you really should try to address this issue asap. I'm not sure if talking about it will help you or not.

I think he's been very patient and understanding in the sense of my virginity and this being my first relationship, but I think I need a little more. Am I asking for too much, if so, please let me know?

you're not asking too much. you should be able to want 5 years or even more if you want to, it's your call, your virginity

[WolfsGirl]

You've gotten some great replies, here. I just want to address the partner issue. I have sons who are 23 and 26. I have a stepson who is 21 and a stepdaughter who is 18. There is absolutely nothing wrong in maintaining your virginity until you're married, or engaged or whenever you decide the time and person is right. I would guess, and I could be wrong, that you might have more than 1 sexual partner in your lifetime. It is a rare gift to find your soulmate and for him to be your first and only partner. I would also say it's a safe bet that almost ANY guy you're with has had more partners than you have. They start earlier, they're less discriminating, they're more promiscuous (as a group). In the future, if it bothers you to know how many partners "he" has had, don't ask. Just make sure he uses a condom.

When I was your age, it would have bothered me. Enough to kill the relationship? I don't know.... can't really say. When I found myself single again at the age of 48, there were so many more important things to me, the number of partners was irrelevant.

Good luck, hon. Hope you find the right solution.