Hopeless

why would a person hurt the one they love with words, when they know it will ruin the relationship? Espescially after getting a second chance?

Why? Well, either they spoke before they thought ~ or else they really want out of the relationship.

Either way, it ends the same way unfortunately. I'm sorry. God bless you and please take care of yourself. Hugs, Lee

I sometimes say things in anger that I regret later. I am trying to learn to control this, but I'm not perfect. And I have always had rules for fighting in relationships which I follow pretty religiously. One is "no name-calling". I know that words sting and take on a life of their own--they last for a long, long time, even after your anger has subsided. You can't take them back and do it over. The damage is done. Still, I say things in anger that work against my marriage. My T counsels me on this too. I'm working on it, but not perfect. So, if your love isn't getting counseling on this and has anger, that could explain it. The love might be there, but fear and anger come too. My T tells me my anger comes from fear, and it goes back to unconscious fears that go back to my childhood, and that's why I react so strongly.

So, I'd add a 3rd possibility--your love does love you and want you, but has fear and anger that they can't control yet. I'd try to work with him/her. Hubby and I have been reading an excellent book aloud to each other at night. It's "I Will Never Leave You" by Hugh and Gayle Prather. We found a copy for $4.00 including shipping at Amazon.com. (out of print I think) Gives you a lot of insight into why couples behave as they do, and new techniques for getting along better.