[SeptemberMorn]

The daughter that hasn't spoken to me in about 7 or 8 yrs demands the ORIGINALS of her childhood pictures??? SINCE WHEN??????????????

Oh! And this isn't directly DEMANDED of ME! This is through my husband!!!! I hardly ever use "bad" words but... WTF??????????

for your peace of mind, tomi...copy them and give her the copies. you can do it at Walmart. don't tear yourself up over this. it isn't worth it. i wouldn't drag it out either. just for you, get it over with. xoxoxo pat

[SweetSunshine]

Excuse me? Uhmmm I would NOT give those up!
Those are YOURS!!!!!! make copies and let her have those. Call it good enough. She has no right to DEMAND anything of you like that Tomi!

Hugz~
Bethy

[SeptemberMorn]

I can F***ing well do it on my computer! But NO! She HAS TO HAVE THE ORIGINALS!! She gets a F****ing CD or she ain't getting ANYTHING!!! I can't believe this crap!!!! Her "family of origin never LISTENED to her," either! RIGHT!!!! That's why she had the best of everything, INCLUDING ME!!!!!

[Fuzzybear]

[SeptemberMorn]

I've been telling myself all morning that it's her mental illness talking... but it just isn't washing!!! #$%^*&*^%!!!! Now it all adds up!! David tried the same damn thing a couple years ago! No doubt she put him up to it!! And she admits that she hasn't done any scrapbooking in forever and has a stack of throw away cameras that need to get developed but she keeps forgetting to take them in. AND SHE WANTS THE ORIGINALS OF HER PICTURES?????????? She can kiss my rosey red!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tomi, as hard as it sounds, just do the easy thing and give her a Cd. or copies. the originals are yours. do it, dear, and move on. she's already gotten you upset today and you don't want it to drag it. beat her at her own game. okay? pat

[SeptemberMorn]

It's easier to DO NOTHING, Pat!! She ain't getting Jack %#@&#!!!

SHE'S the one that chose to allienate herself! SHE'S the one with the problem, not ME!! And all of this because Jerry asked her for ONE LOUSY PICTURE of MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((Mama))))))))))))))))))))

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Hey SeptMorn....to me..and this is me...you paid for the pics and all and shes being a b(*&h I would just give her copies at best..tell her take you to friggin court ..she wouldnt stand a chance what an ungratful brat you dont need this..I am sorry she does this stuff to you

[ozzie]

(((((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))) Do whatever feels right to you. If you do decide to make copies, make an extra one for yourself......to throw darts at.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Maybe she's watching, eh?

[SeptemberMorn]

This isn't the daughter I know and raised, Hun. This is her mental illness speaking for her. I'm over my initial rage. It's just so hard to wrap my brain around the fact that she can't remember how we used to be. My mom always applauded me for making my kids so independent and self-sufficient, so I don't know where this "enmeshment" came from. I know it takes two to tango but she won't afford me the opportunity of discussing it, even with a mediator or a T in the room, so I feel my way around in the dark. I'm thinking of just walking out of the dark and stop making mistakes. Just not deal with it anymore. There's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I could do right, so why try. All I wanted was ONE picture of my mother. Oh, well. There's plenty of those for my wall... just not the best one of her there is.

[SeptemberMorn]

I COULD make copies and keep those for myself. If I do that, though, I feel like I'm "enabling" her behavior and her skewed perception of me. I don't think so. She's crossing my boundaries yet again. No more. I gave up "Self" for my kids when they were growing up. It's high time I preserved "Self" now.

You know... I thought about your idea of throwing darts at her pictures... Nope... couldn't even do that. "Once a mother, always a mother." That's my first born and I still love her with all my heart.

[Genevieve]

Here's another idea, just because I tend to be as pigheaded as anyone has ever been in these things: If she really wants those pictures, in any format at all, she has to ask you directly. None of this going through someone else [expetive deleted].

Also, here's a funny for you: the woman in the next cube, having a heated telephone exchange with her sister -- apparently about how f-ed up her sister was from their upbringing -- hanging up and saying quite loudly -- "Sure, you came from a disfunctional family, we all came from disfunctional families. Hell, you and I came from the SAME disfuntional family!!!" Maybe you had to be there, but at the time it was so funny even she laughed at it.

You know what I always tell my friends about child-rearing? "True success in child-rearing isn't avoiding all mistakes. It's just making new mistakes instead of the ones your parents made." I'm sorry you're having this sort of upset going on. I hope things get better soon.

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
If she really wants those pictures, in any format at all, she has to ask you directly.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's exactly what I've been doing all these years, never mind the fact that they belong to ME. Whether things were perfect between us or not, she'd STILL get copies! LOL I don't know what the deal is with wanting the originals. :scratch_head: Except for my oldest son asking for the originals of his, which I think my daughter put him up to, none of the other kids have asked for theirs. Although...!! One DIL DOES steal some from time to time. I've found them on the floor in corners, on the floor of the laundry room, etc. I just take them back. Gonna have to talk to that girl!!

What's the deal with pictures, anyway???? It's not like it's so easy to get copies nowadays!

LOL "Dysfunctional families." I'll bet that was really funny to hear her. LOL

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
"True success in child-rearing isn't avoiding all mistakes. It's just making new mistakes instead of the ones your parents made."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

RIGHT ON!! I did a damn sight better than MY parents did!! My daughter knows it, too! Or... she USED to know it! Whatever! *I* know I did!! You know what they say about crap? It rolls downhill. Well, it stopped with me! Ah! Let's not get into that.

[bebop]

(((((((tomi))))))))))

[SpazKatt]

sorry to hear this... I'd say only do it if she calls you and asks you and she comes to you to pick up the pics... then giver her copies! *hugs*

[SeptemberMorn]

Thanks for the hugs {{{{{{{{{{{BeBop}}}}}}}}}}}}}} It helps me feel better.

[ozzie]

Here's another one for you. ((((((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

OOOOHOOHOO! You're a mean one, ain'tcha?? LOL That's why I haven't even given her copies, is because I wanted her to ask ME for them. Fat chance. IF she EVER gets anything you can bet your sweet bippee it's going to be copies! She lives out of town, though, so I doubt that she would come by and pick them up herself. Hell would freeze over, first. Just ask her! EEEESH!

[eskielover]

Tomi,

I am in agreement with the others of not giving her anything until she personally comes to you and asks nicely for them. Why should you go out of your way when you are being treated this way. If she wants them badly enough she can nicely ask you for them....& hopefully that will open the path to civil communication between the two of you. Maybe Jerry can suggest to her that it would be appropriate for her to handle it that way rather than going through him saying that it makes him uncomfortable to be put into that position. He shouldn't enable her avoiding you. If handled in a non-combatant manner by all it may be the one event that could smooth out the relationship.....if it works out even sort or ok, you might suggest helping her identify what the photos were of her younger years. It is just a suggestion, but sometimes what seem to be the worst situation can be a turning point in a relationship.

I know looking back at my relationship with my Mother......she was the one that would get into real pissy moods or what ever it was. We would be talking on the phone & something would tick her off for what seemed to me no reason at all. She would hang up & I would just let her alone.......within several weeks, I would get a call from her.....I would never bring up anything about what happened & she would just have let it go. Things would be back to what ever was normal for her. She was like that all throughout my life.....without any mental illness......even though in therapy, I have realized the problems that she had.....not that I didn't know it before that. I never did know what her problem was with things....or why she reacted the way she did. Guess that was one good thing with me is that when I would get mad at something, I would forget why I was mad within hours. Grudges were never my speciality after seeing how it destroyed my grandmother, making her a bitter person.

In our family, our photos have just been where they are knowing that they will be passed on sooner or later. Guess that is one good thing good about being a family of only children for 3 generations. Of course not I am going through the photos & don't have the foggiest idea of who they are & there are no names on the photos to give a hint.

Hope you can find the best way for yourself to handle the situation.....you have to do what is right for you. I am thinking of you.
Debbie

[mrb020377]

((((((((((((((Tomi))))))))))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

Thanks for your support, Debbie. That's exactly why I still have my original pictures. Like I said before, she's the one who made the choice to allienate herself. I begged her to talk to me before the final wall went up, but she refused. Ball is STILL in HER court. I'm NOT who she makes me out to be. Proof is right here on these boards and Jerry is back with me where he belongs AND happy, as SHE mentioned. If that alone doesn't untwist her perception of me, then there's nothing I can do. It's just so sad!!

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Mel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}