[lachrymose]

I'm a extroverted people pleaser with a fear of rejection. Just getting that out there, I guess.

As a result, I've come to realize that I trust people to easily and quickly. I let them in because I want them to like me and it too often ends up badly. Its usually because I have misjudged their intentions or realize too late they aren't the type of person I want to be friends with after all.

I have to find a way to make friends slowly. Get to know someone over time, then reveal small things, let it grow.

I have to stop telling people things about myself that they just use against me later.

[Leed]

Gosh you described how I used to be to a "T." I was always trusting people very early on and confiding in this almost from the start ~ only to find out that their mouths were very BIG ~ and I'd get hurt because of it.

It seems like I've always had to learn the hard way because I don't stop and think. But after being hurt, I sure do remember not to do things like that again. Now I tread slowly ~ I only tell people on a need to know basis. If they don't need to know it, I'm not telling. This seems to work much better as long as I think before I open my mouth.

It works much better for me. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

((lachrymose))

I wasn't ever extraverted, I was introverted, but I made the same mistakes in my youth. As soon as a person showed some interest in me, I put myself completely into the relationship. Sometimes, I'd get lucky and the person was "good". Often, however, they weren't a great fit.

It usually turned out to be a "user". A person who got everyone to do whatever they wanted them to do by pushing them around emotionally. Freaking cruel people.

A few of those experiences and I began to turn even more inward. I don't think that's the best thing to do. A more wise, less depressive, technique would be to frequently remind yourself to take relationships more slowly. Don't put all of the effort into starting a relationship. Remind yourself that healthy relationships contain give and take on both sides. Don't reveal all of your life experiences with new friends. It should take time, trust, and a bond before intimate experiences are shared with others.

It isn't easy to take things slowly when you are so eager to have friends. Some people are just blessed with the gift of easy friend making. That is a very rare gift though. Remind yourself that most people do have to work to make new friends. And most people have anxiety about making new friends, which does follow us into adulthood. Just not as strong as it is in teenage years. So, it will become easier as you get older. Hold onto that thought as a hopeful reminder.

Hope that my words help you through more easily. Best wishes!

[lachrymose]

good advice! We moved to a new place 6 years ago and I knew no one here. I made some friends, and a few of them turned out to be the users and blabbermouths that really treat others poorly.

I'm not shy, can talk to people easily...it's the revealing too much too soon that gets me. I think I like the 'need to know' approach very much!