[SlatkaMala]

Logically I know that I'm not responsible for other people's feelings, but I hate the thought of hurting someone.

Some of you may have read the thread about the guy I thought was married. But he says that he's not and he's only had one gf at the age of 30 and that only lasted a few weeks and he's now 38. It always seems like he is living in a tree and I feel like I have to explain stuff to him because he's been so sheltered. I also am really scared about the idea of being somebody's first sexual intercourse experience. I've done that before and both guys that I was their first threw it in my face and berated me for it when we got into an argument. Needles to say, that really kicked me in the gut.

I did meet him one time. The conversation was so-so. We did kiss, which I feel kind of bad about. I've not emailed him for a few days because I want to sit back and think

Then I met another bloke on that silly match.com thing. He seems very nice. He is a doctor which is something I've never dated! haha. He has an eleven year old daughter who he loves more than anything and is so kind to her. We had a date and it went really well. He is very understanding of things because his own sister has mental health issues and he also had an alcoholic father. I felt a lot more comfortable with this guy than the other guy.

I dunno. I'm just really feeling all anxious. I've been through so much abuse that I always expect the worst out of anyone.

I am feeling super guilty about letting the other guy go, even though we were never an item to begin with.

Both guys talk about how crazy they are about me and I just feel so awful about hurting one of them.

[sarek]

If there are two guys, you cant stretch things out for long anyway and one of them is going to get hurt.

So I think, if your heart has already made a choice, follow that choice and do it sooner rather than later. Delaying what is inevitable anyway will only hurt people more.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I agree that you should tell the first guy that the relationship isn't going anywhere, and you just want to be "friends." If he gets hurt, that's not your fault. You are NOT responsible for how he feels. None of us has the POWER to make people feel anything! People control their own emotions. So if he gets hurt - that's his problem. He will get over it. But you deserve whatever YOU want. Don't hold yourself back just because someone might get their feelings hurt. You could be missing out on a wonderful relationship.

Go for the doctor!! LOL And I wish you the very best! God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

It doesn't sound like you have known these men for very long, are just "dating" and are getting a bit ahead of yourself (in bed)? A few dates does not a "relationship" make. Feeling sorry for the first guy is not the same as wanting to be with him or being able to do anything for him. You cannot change him/his past experiences and do not need to "do" anything to break up with him. If you would like to tell him you don't wish to see him again, send him an email or wait until he contacts you again and just say "no" to whatever he proposes, tell him you aren't interested or are doing a lot of dating right now and are not interested in going further in a relationship with him "at this time" (social code for, Don't-call-me, I'll-call-you).

[SlatkaMala]

Originally Posted by Perna

It doesn't sound like you have known these men for very long, are just "dating" and are getting a bit ahead of yourself (in bed)? A few dates does not a "relationship" make. Feeling sorry for the first guy is not the same as wanting to be with him or being able to do anything for him. You cannot change him/his past experiences and do not need to "do" anything to break up with him. If you would like to tell him you don't wish to see him again, send him an email or wait until he contacts you again and just say "no" to whatever he proposes, tell him you aren't interested or are doing a lot of dating right now and are not interested in going further in a relationship with him "at this time" (social code for, Don't-call-me, I'll-call-you).

Uh, I'm not sleeping with anyone!

[lastyearisblank]

Lol, I agree the doctor sounds rather more exciting.
It is not the other guy's fault. He will find someone. But I know how you feel. When an elevator door closes, and someone doesn't make it in, I always feel like it's MY fault. We're powerful people, aren't we, us people who are responsible for everyone else's feelings?

Maybe you could just tell him you really like him, and he's a great guy, but you found someone from your background (or something the guy has no control over) and really hit it off with them, but you hope you can stay friends as you really like his personality. No way he can feel bad from that!

Hello, SlatkaMala. You do not have to be involved in any manner with anyone. I do think it is a good idea to tell someone who seems interested in being friends or more with you that you are not interested, should the person contact you.

Being concerned about the feelings of others is good in my view, provided there is a proper perspective. Not to be friends with or date someone you are interested in to not want to hurt the feelings of another is more than reasonable people should expect from themselves.