[DivorcedWoman]

So here's another part to the story. My bf's ex wife is a drug addict but has his daughter most of the time. Things are going downhill for his ex fast and he could potentially get custody of his daughter soon. He was saying that he missed her and I said will you might have her full time soon. I asked him tonight if he was ready for that to happen and that it was a lot of work. He said yes, of course, I'm ready if it happens tomorrow.

He still doesn't have his license, doesn't have a car, which I know will take time to buy one, is out of work and hasn't really been looking for a job. He doesn't have a room set up for her at his place either. She is 8 years old and they still sleep in the same bed when she visits.

I'm thinking how is our relationship going to work if he gets her full time? We've been dating 9 months and we've spent a majority of our time together when we do and don't have the kids. His daughter doesn't like her father to show me affection so if she fusses about it he stops kissing or whatever. I got frustrated the other day and said something to his daughter that he wasn't hurting me and it's ok we've been going out 9 months but to no avail. All my boyfriend said was she's only 8 and she's sensitive so I said is it going to go on forever. His response was I don't know. His daughter will always be his daughter and I am just a girlfriend. Everything he said was in defense of his daughter. He didn't say sorry honey you know I love you and we will get past thing or anything reassuring just again she's 8 and she's sensitive.

I'm not trying to replace his daughter as I never will, but I fear for a future with this man if we aren't allowed to be affectionate with one another or sleep in the same room because it upsets her. He gave no indication to me that he was going to put his foot down or will he continue to give in to this.

Sorry I am rambling, but I just had to get this down.

Ideas, thoughts, feedback?

[turquoisesea]

Maybe you need to have a talk with him about this. Maybe the daughter is upset that you're not her mom... she might be jealous, she might be scared... its hard to tell but sounds like the bf will have to step up in many ways. Communication is most important here

[PleaseHelp]

Communication is very important. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. His twin daughters were almost 6 when we started dating. One (K) took to me immediately, S not so much. At first it was well they are only 6 and stuff like that. The girls did not have a room at his place at first b/c his bro was living with him. When his bro moved out, we turned the bedroom into the girls' room. That helped a lot. Both were very concerned about me taking on the role of their mom. We sat them down and explained to them that I was not replacing their mom. I wanted to be their friend and be there for them. It has taken awhile but they understand now. K calls me mom when they are with us. S goes back and forth b/t my name and mom. We told them they could call me what they were comfortable with. S and I had some run ins. At first my BF took her side, until one day he saw first hand how she was treating me. He put a stop to that almost instantly. S and I still have our run ins but it is getting better. However, my BF and I have always talked about things and have been on the same page when it comes to the girls.

Sorry for the really long post. I hope it helps or makes some sense. PM me if you'd like to talk. Being the "other" woman, by that I mean the kids might see us as trying to take them from their dad, is hard.