My cousin, the daughter of my mother's sister, has divulged to our family that she takes psychiatric medicine. Big shock to us (not) because so many of us do. However, she feels that my siblings and I have an excuse. We were the ones who were abused, neglected, and in a constant state of upheaval all throughout our childhoods. By extension, since I was so damaged from my own childhood, I could not provide adequate parenting for my daughters, so it would make sense to my cousin that they too need therapy and/or meds today.

She, on the other hand, had a stable childhood with loving parents. While my mother and I endured multiple divorces, her parents are still married to each other. She had a good education followed by a career in the military until she married and became pregnant, and now she has a loving husband and a second child on the way. Her life seems to have gone the way she feels it should have gone. Because of this, she wonders how *she* got messed up. This causes her to feel embarrassed, since she feels that any psychiatric issues in the absence of a bad upbringing would indicate her own weakness. Until now she has felt obligated to present a "perfect" front. She thinks she doesn't have an acceptable reason to be less than that.

My daughter and I have assured her, it's hereditary. It has nothing to do with upbringing. I could have had her upbringing and still have ended up with the issues I have. She could have had mine, and been no worse off than she is now. Nor is it a weakness, only a medical problem. In the back of her mind, she knows this, but she still feels on some level that if her illness is not the fault of her parents, then it is her own.

Is there anything else I can say to reassure her?

I think the best thing you can do is continue to be supportive.

It could be that with her "great" upbringing she didn't know much about these illnesses or heard that they were bad or weaknesses rather than actual medical issues...a lot of people grew up hearing that if it wasn't prevalent in their lives.

You can't make somebody accept something they aren't ready to accept, but you can be there for her to help her understand and to deal with it.

I hope that helps.

[Leed]

It doesn't necessarily matter if someone has a great childhood or not. Medically, things happen. Our bodies can attack us in many ways - and it certainly can attack us mentally ~ regardless if we were brought up in a castle or a hovel. Things just go awry, for no apparent reason. She certainly shouldn't feel ashamed!!! Some of the most respected and adored people in the world have had mental problems. So she's in good company!

I've been in and out of therapy most of my adult life, but it never kept me from getting any job I wanted; I never lost any friends because of it; and I never felt ashamed either. I feel it's no worse than having an extended case of the flu. LOL With proper treatment, one can recover nicely as long as she has the proper support.

You're a great cousin for writing & looking for help for her. Thank you. Hugs, Lee

[RomanSunburn]

I can kind of understand how she feels. I had a good, stable childhood with loving parents. I don't know that I ever felt that it was my fault that I was sick, but more of, why am I sick or am I even really sick? I've also had trouble reaching out for help in groups. After I was in the hospital, I wanted to start group therapy, but I felt so out of place in the one group I could find, that I couldn't continue. In my mind, it felt like "Poor little white rich girl."

In a way, though, my issues were hereditary, but I didn't really see it. My mom had depression when she was my age. My dad's sister has several issues of her own that had her hospitalized at least once while they were growing up. Both of my grandmothers had issues with anxiety. But, like your cousin, I think these felt far away and unrelated to what was wrong with me (even though every single therapist asks you the first session...)

I think if you just keep reminding her that it is hereditary, that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and just overall being supportive, there really isn't much more you can do. If she isn't already, perhaps recommend she see a therapist (sometimes it helps to hear something from someone that's not related to you), or if you go to a group session, you could ask her if she'd like to come along.

If she's struggling with anxiety, the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook has a whole chapter on "causes" of anxiety, such as neuro-biological and family hereditary and such.

I think it's really great that you're being so supportive to your cousin. I wish my cousins had been more understanding of my issues, but c'est la vie.