[valexand]

Vanish as if I'd never existed. I wish my parents could just gradually forget about me till the day my absence no longer hurts them. I wish people could just stop asking me about how my life is going since all they are is curious. Them knowing about my failures only makes them feel good about their life choices. I can see that. How happy they become when they try to comfort me. How they love comforting me....it makes them feel so good. Yes, they did a good deed didn't they....they comforted a person who's swimming in misfortune....

I have nothing good to offer anyone anymore. I have no joy to offer, no success, nothing good. I am the absolute zero and the planet can really do just fine without me. No idea why God keeps me around.

I wish I could vanish.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by valexand

Vanish as if I'd never existed. I wish my parents could just gradually forget about me till the day my absence no longer hurts them. I wish people could just stop asking me about how my life is going since all they are is curious. Them knowing about my failures only makes them feel good about their life choices. I can see that. How happy they become when they try to comfort me. How they love comforting me....it makes them feel so good. Yes, they did a good deed didn't they....they comforted a person who's swimming in misfortune....

I have nothing good to offer anyone anymore. I have no joy to offer, no success, nothing good. I am the absolute zero and the planet can really do just fine without me. No idea why God keeps me around.

I wish I could vanish.

When I offer comfort to someone it does make me feel good but not for the reason you think. It makes me share in the comfort, so that when I comfort someone I am comforting myself as well. I never think of 'good deeds;' if the offer of comfort isn't genuine, it isn't a good deed at all. If you don't have joy to offer right now, then allow others to feel it and offer it to you, even if you cannot feel it right now. Someday your turn will come. There is value in every human being because we are God's creation. I believe this and affirm this. If you are hanging out with people who do nothing but crow about their successes, then I think you are hanging out with the wrong people.

[valexand]

There are people like you that go out of their way to comfort people for all the good reasons. In my circle of people these types are so few. Most of the people around me are smug and only look into your painful world just so they can feel better about themselves....that they are much luckier. Most men don't do this but the women....OMG...the women are ruthless with this!

Thank you for your response. Truth is, for the past 4 years or so I've been losing control over my life. From bad to worse and though I'm trying, I can't seem to overturn my situation. I'm scared.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by valexand

There are people like you that go out of their way to comfort people for all the good reasons. In my circle of people these types are so few. Most of the people around me are smug and only look into your painful world just so they can feel better about themselves....that they are much luckier. Most men don't do this but the women....OMG...the women are ruthless with this!

Thank you for your response. Truth is, for the past 4 years or so I've been losing control over my life. From bad to worse and though I'm trying, I can't seem to overturn my situation. I'm scared.

I'm sorry to see you are struggling so much. Maybe if you post some of your concerns you think you need help with on the forums you might garner some good advice? People who need to boost their egos at the expense of other people are very difficult to bear. I confess I mainly just avoid them although recently I have had to spend significant time with one and I am feeling the strain, so I share in your pain.