[sugaree22]

So my bf is 39 and I'm 22. We met at work and worked together for 3 months before we started dating. We have so much in common have a similar sense of humor and just really clicked despite our age difference...it was not even noticeable any more. Anyway I started living with him and things got serious quickly. everything was good but recently he lost his job and doesn't do anything all day. I go to school and work. He's seems uninterested in anything and is becoming boring to be around. He randomly tells me he's unhappy with me and that I'm the reason his life is like this. Then a couple hours later he acts like everything is fine but I can't forget what he's said. I don't understand. I'm loving and try to encourage him to finish school and find a job he loves. He's been really distant and I don't feel like he loves me anymore. I'm so attached or else I would just leave. What should I do ok confused?

[JeanneDoe]

Originally Posted by sugaree22

So my bf is 39 and I'm 22. We met at work and worked together for 3 months before we started dating. We have so much in common have a similar sense of humor and just really clicked despite our age difference...it was not even noticeable any more. Anyway I started living with him and things got serious quickly. everything was good but recently he lost his job and doesn't do anything all day. I go to school and work. He's seems uninterested in anything and is becoming boring to be around. He randomly tells me he's unhappy with me and that I'm the reason his life is like this. Then a couple hours later he acts like everything is fine but I can't forget what he's said. I don't understand. I'm loving and try to encourage him to finish school and find a job he loves. He's been really distant and I don't feel like he loves me anymore. I'm so attached or else I would just leave. What should I do ok confused?

Well I don't think it is right for him to blame his unhappiness on you.
We are only responsible for our own happiness, and I don't think it is fair for us to look to others to make us happy.
After all you could stand on your head for him and he could still be unhappy.
However, just because his happiness is his responsibility does not mean that you should not care about it.

I would talk to him more, ask him..
You say you are unhappy with me.. can you tell me why?
What do you want that you are not getting out of this relationship?

you say he says you are the reason "his life is like this"
What is his life like? Can he tell you why he feels you are responsible for why his life is the way it is?

Dont expect to hear answers you are going to like, they may be mean and unfair. However they may not be..
I would try hard to listen, and keep it about him and how he feels and what he thinks. Try not to take anything personally..
When people feel hurt they sometimes lash out..

I think that if you can get him to talk and open up, you will have a better understanding of whats going on for him, and then I would go from there...

I think its important to find out more from him..

I hope that this helps you. Im not sure if its the answer you were looking for.

[Perna]

If the relationship isn't working anymore and doesn't look like it can be saved because your partner isn't reciprocating in trying to save it; I would leave. Yes you're attached, that cannot be helped and it will hurt like heck to leave but you can't very well move on until you do, can you?

[Leed]

I have a feeling that he's really depressed because he lost his job. This is a REAL blow to someone who is 39 ~ he's used to being self-sufficient and now he has to rely on a 22 yr old to SUPPORT him!!! He's just lashing out at you because he's angry --- angry that he lost his job, and angry because you have to support him. Don't take this seriously -- he's hurting.

Take a few minutes to think about this -- Here's a guy at 39 who is being supported by a 22yr old -- that makes him sound like a gigolo. That's the LAST thing he wants to be!!! And what if his friends find out? He'd be MORTIFIED! Try to be understanding -- listen to him, and let him pour out his fears & feelings. He doesn't know what to do right now -- he's lost.

Best of luck. I hope he bones up soon and starts looking for a job -- but don't nag him. He'll probably do it soon. God bless. Hugs, Lee