[tawni1988]

I have been with my boyfriend for three years. About 8 months ago i noticed some changed in him. He had always been a little overly paranoid but nothing like what we are living with now, it all started about 9 months ago.. He thinks our house is bugged and that we are being recorded and than at work everyday his coworkers are rehashing everything we have said back to him. He thinks all our family and friends are plotting against him because they do not want me to be with him. Which is not true, i try to tell him these things are not true. I have been doing some research and I feel he has paranoid personality disorder. This stuff is literally killing me but I do not want to loose the love of my life. Im depressed and all my happiness is sucked dry. I do not know what to do? When i tell him he needs help and that I am willing to go with him he laughs and tells me " you will see the truth sooner or later", he tells me that I dont get whats going on. Im lost.

He thinks there is a website of him up out there that is secret and that everyone knows about it but him. I am lost and dead inside, I try to tell him to get help and he wont listen to me, but I love him. HELP.

[Leed]

He definitely needs help, but I don't see how you're going to get him to get help if he refuses to go. He's convinced himself that it's all true, and that YOU are the one who is naive.

Has something happened in the last 9 months to make this come about? Did he have any trauma, or any tragedy?

Perhaps if you suggested that BOTH of you go to therapy, he'd be willing to go. Then at least the therapist would get an idea of what's going on. He might be willing to continue going once the therapist talked to him a bit. I can't think of any other way to get him in a therapist's office since he thinks he's just fine. It might work, and it might not.

Best of luck ~ keep us posted. Hugs, Lee

[PaintTheRoses88]

tawni1988, I am going to tell you what everyone else is telling me to do in my situation (boyfriend with OCD and depression who also refuses to get help). Admittedly, your situation seems worse since you live with him and my bf is 4 hours away, also my bf's problems don't seem quite that severe. But if he refuses to get help, then you need to walk away. He could become dangerous with these delusions. It could soon get to the point where he becomes a danger to himself and others so you need to get out. And, to put it bluntly, I don't think he's in a state of mind where he can make decisions for himself anymore. Therefore, nothing you say or do will make a bit of difference.

You may be dealing with feelings of immense guilt because you love him and don't want to abandon him. How could you leave someone you love, especially when he so clearly needs help? Those questions are probably haunting you. Believe me, I've been there and I'm still conflicted over what to do so you may question my credibility here. (Which you should always do with anyone) But the fact of the matter is you cannot make him decide to get help. And it's already negatively impacting you, sucking dry your happiness, etc. This is not a healthy relationship anymore. Walking away does not mean you don't love him by a long shot. Love is not enough to keep a relationship going. He is not in any sort of condition to be the boyfriend you want/need. You can still be there on the fringe, but you need to make it clear that so long as he refuses to get help, you cannot be in a relationship within him. It's hurting you.

Consider this, you sticking around is only kind of passively reinforcing his irrational idea that everything is fine. If you leave, he might start to get a clue and it may give him the push he needs to get help. As I pointed out earlier though, his state of mind may make it impossible for him to make the decision anyway. Alert his friends and/or family and I would maybe consider contacting a local health professional for advice. Even maybe contacting the local police department through their non-emergency hotline. I know that sounds extreme, but it is imperative that others know about it in case he does become a threat to himself and others. I was on the rescue squad in college and I've dealt with mentally unstable individuals. It's not pretty. I don't want to scare you, but from what you've described, it could escalate into such a case, and then he would likely be forcibly hospitalized.

I know you love him and I *know* how heartbreaking and conflicting this is. It probably wouldn't hurt to get some therapy for yourself to help you cope with the guilt and depression you're feeling. If you want to PM me, please feel free because we are facing shockingly similar situations. You have my deepest sympathies over this issue and I wish you the best of luck!

[RomanSunburn]

I personally don't think breaking up with him will force him to get the help he needs. It will probably confirm his beliefs, if nothing else, and he might start isolating himself from the world.

I do agree that if this becomes a dangerous situation, you need to get out and protect yourself. You love your boyfriend, but you come first, always. If it suddenly becomes dangerous, call the police. They'll probably take him to a psych ward to be evaluated.

You should also tell close friends and family about the situation. Not just as a safety precaution, but also because you're going to need a support system yourself to help you through this.

If I were you, I would try calling a therapist and say, "listen, my boyfriend has become paranoid in the past 9 months. I'm not sure if anything has happened or not to spark this (if this is true). He refuses to get treatment. What do I do?" They'll probably want to hear all the symptoms and will probably want to start scheduling appointments with you. They might have ideas on how to get him help, while also giving you some therapy to help you through the emotions you are going through.

I was just curious how long you and your boyfriend have been together?

Take care! Keep us posted!