[Confused&Don't know]

I met a girl a few months ago and we started to talk a lot and get to know each other . We eventually started to like each other a lot but she has a boyfriend but she never sees him due to the fact that he lives 2 hours away and she is always the one that goes to see him. He's a immature teenager that drinks takes drugs and smokes mostly everyday. I'm nor perfect myself i have smoked but don't anymore i have NEVER taken drugs and NEVER will, but i do drink sometimes but not even nearly as much as him. We had a few kisses and a few moments with each other when we were drunk but that was because we were drunk, but the next day we spoke and kept on talking about it and how much we wanted to do it again but sober. We are always together and we always talk, we always tell each other how much we care about one another and how we would go out with each other if she were single.

I want her to be happy no matter what, we are good friends but we both want to be more but she has no intentions on breaking it off with her boyfriend. I know whats the point in me then if i say i want her to be happy but it's every day we tell each other how much we care and thats got to count for something. I have tried to get over her but every time i tell myself that i am, i just goes away anytime i see her all the feelings just come rushing back.

She has to avoid seeing her boyfriends family because they hate her, weathers she has met my family and they all seem to like her and she seems to like them and thinks their awesome to just quickly jump back to her boyfriend he has no money no intention on becoming anything or doing anything with his life and if he has any money he doesn't spend it on a ticket to come see her he spends it on drugs and anything else he can get his hands on.

Please help me out by telling me how to maybe get over her or to be able to love her and be happy for her i've heard every reply so please tell me something new thank you

[RomanSunburn]

I just want to preface this that I am completely against cheating in any shape or form. My best friend was in a very similar situation, right down to the drunken hook up followed by being sober and saying they wanted to do it again. There were other tidbits to his story that are probably different than yours. But I almost ended this friendship over what he was doing. I posted about it a month or so ago, so you can look up the threads if you're interested.

She needs to make a decision. She either wants to be with her boyfriend or she wants to be with you. Unless her and her boyfriend are both okay with an open relationship, then the two of you need to stop acting like a couple. Personally, I think you should cut contact until she figures out what she wants. It's not helping you any to be playing around with something you can't have. And besides, if she's willing to cheat on her boyfriend, and you two were to get together, who's to say she wouldn't just turn around and cheat on you?

I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but I got a little triggered when you used the exact same words my friend did. To me, cheating shows a type of character I don't want to be friends with -- complete disrespect for others, selfishness, among other things.

Btw, things did end up getting straightened out with my friend. We're still friends, he learned his lesson, but definitely not as close as we used to be. Cheating hurts more than those in the relationship.

[Confused&Don't know]

Yeah i get what you mean and your not being harsh i just really need option's, trust me i've tried to stop contact and everything but we always start talking again. We aren't well i'm not willing for her to cheat i don't want if anything us to start something over cheating she has said that she was going to break it off a few times with her boyfriend but she doesn't know.

I totally agree with what you said about cheating but the drunken part we liked each other way before we got drunk and anything happened. We just knew we liked each other a lot but the drunknes got the better of us. It wouldn't bother me as much if she actually seen her boyfriend but she hardly ever sees him :/

The way i've been feeling lately is just in and out of depression and it's over her but at the same time she's still the only person that can help but she's the one that causes it :/

[Perna]

I don't understand why she keeps up with the boyfriend if she doesn't get to see him unless she makes the effort, if he has a lot of "issues" with the smoking, drugs, drinking, etc. and if his family don't care for her. I'd be a little leery of getting much closer to a friend like that; does not sound like she has good judgment at all.

[lynn P.]

Sometimes in a love triangle the main person will make the other lover seem horribly bad to justify getting involved with the 3rd person. You're assuming everything she's told you is correct - what if it's not? Then only way this will work is if she completely breaks off with the other BF, otherwise you're both cheating. If she said she has NO intentions of breaking it off with the other guy - you should believe her.

You also have to think - would she do this to you one day and make you look like the undesirable one who deserves to be cheated on? You're participating in a love triangle. What does this say about her character and I think you deserve someone who only wants you. Keep your distance to avoid getting hurt. Imagine you were the other guy -there's no justification for cheating.