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#1
Jun 03, 2011, 07:35 PM
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ok ... I'm usually posting on the Bipolar forum, but I figured this question was best here in the Relationships forum.
My partner (I would say husband, but we're not legally married) tends to be the type to bottle up anger and then when something small happens he blows up. He is a paralegal and works with tough cases and even tougher lawyers as bosses. So at work he gets told what to do and asked to go here... there ... do this .. that ... and can't tell them anything in return. Once his work day or work week is over he really does not want to hear anyone (me especially) asking him to run errands or do much since it's all he hears at work. (which I understand) I am currently pregnant with our first son and am due in 5 weeks (July 9). I work from home (under the table) and have to use my cell phone all day long as well as our laptop. Today after working for only 1 hour my phone dies so I plug it in and it just wont charge. I had gone to a midwife apmt earlier and used up my lil bit of gasoline, so I email my partner and tell him that we need to get my phone checked or buy a new charger. I also said if I had enough gasoline I would go myself, but I don't want to risk being stranded with no gas and no phone while 35 weeks pregnant away from home. He replied that we would go after he gets out of work. I thought everything was fine. When he got home to pick me up and head out, he was fuming. He takes me to the Sprint store, the closest one was 45 min away and closed at 7pm giving us only a 15 min window to take care of the problem. He refuses to get out of the car and so I wobble into the store and try to get help. We have been tight on cash due to baby preparations, so when the clerk told me I had to pay 30.00 for a new charger and I did not have it, my partner almost had a conniption. He said we can get a better deal at Radio Shack and drove like a maniac over there. All to find out the charger was 26.00. Now, we get home 26.00 poorer and he is steaming mad at me for not having enough gas in the car AND making him spend money when we don't have it. He is refusing to eat dinner and is locked in our office smoking and watching TV and avoiding me. I don't know why this is making him SO mad ... It's nothing I was able to do on my own or anything I had control over. So, I opened the charger's packaging as careful as possible and went online (ebay) and looked for a deal. Found one plus a car charger for 5.88 including shipping!! I asked my sister to order it and once it arrives I will repack the one we bought and return it to Radio Shack. What was I supposed to do? Should I have handled it differently? This is not the first time he gets all angry at me when asked to run an errand, even when it doesn't even involve any money!! He has admitted that he needs to control his anger and not let the small things get to him. BUT he refuses to see a therapist or talk to me about his day at work to at least let out some of his issues. I am more worried about him losing his patience with our son when he's born. He's not a violent man what-so-ever and never even raises his voice at me, but just him being angry and pushing me away hurts enough. Any words of wisdom? I'm sorry this was so lengthy, I just need to figure out what I can do!! Thanks!
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"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe  Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."~Charlie Brown |
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#2
Jun 06, 2011, 05:26 PM
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Firebombing you and then secluding himself may not work well in the long run. Help him explore a more healthy way...maybe he can have a method of decompressing between work and home. I struggled with this transition a lot...I overdid myself so I could be at home at x time only never to be really present when I got home and I was poorly equiped to handle things that needed to be dealt with at home. When baby comes more stress will be present as you will probably "need a break" when he walks through the door...so I guess I would help him discover ways to better transition so he can be present.. Does this make sense?
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Direction  Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
 ScooterBug
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#3
Jun 06, 2011, 09:03 PM
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Some people need things to be nice and easy. When they aren't, they blow a fuse. We would have done the same thing with going to different stores and then returning to get the cheaper one. And my husband knows he has some anger issues etc and would never ever go see a therapist. He does have some outlets though - maybe he needs to go for a walk, a swim, a bike ride? Once you have your baby you can take the baby in the stroller together - exercise is a great stress reliever. I definitely go out of my way to keep things easier for my husband, because it makes my life easier. Some things are out of my control. You need to stay calm now, because you are staying calm for 2 over there. He needs to remember that when he's getting moody, he's being moody at 2 people now, even if you need to remind him of that. you 2 are going to have to have a heart to heart talk about how life is going to change when the baby comes - he can't just have a hissy fit and lock himself away. Try writing the things down that you want to talk to him about, not to bring him a list, but just so you have it straight in your head. Time to him to grow up and act like a big boy. |
| ScooterBug
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#4
Jun 07, 2011, 09:15 PM
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We talked about it and he said he does need to find a way to let emotions out better. He agreed to bring a notebook from work and start writing in it. I suggested also for him to write letters to our son. I had read online on a mommy to be website that dad's that have fears about what life will be like after the birth felt better when writing to the baby.
It also gives something cool for my son to read when he's older. He promised he would communicate more and try to think before reacting. I know it's not going to be an overnight thing, but at least he is working on it and admitted that there is an issue. Thank you guys for replying!!!
__________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."~Charlie Brown |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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