I think I'm manic depressive

So I wrote this last week and meant to post it sooner, though at the moment I'm more manic and aggressive due to work related irritations. Anyways,
Here's what I wrote:
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I've always been a little afraid of living,
(maybe that's why I read so much when I was younger, as an outlet?)
I don't know if it's slight social retardation(from birth or from past drug use);
or from being on the lower end of the autistic spectrum (all speculation on my part, no actual diagnosis, I always come up slight less than the spectrum requirements); or merely a combination of low self-esteem and an ongoing inferiority complex I've always had. I have fleeting moments of high self-esteem and feelings of self worth, but it never lasts long. It seems like I am never the same person at any given time compared to another. I'm trying to increase my confidence and aspirations/ambitions for my life at seemingly no avail. Perhap I don't see it, perhaps I am improving(slowly). Unfortunately it seems that only time will tell.
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The part about not feeling like the same person at any given time compared to another could not be more true. Sometimes I feel there's a weak little girl part of me, and a hardcore angry punk chick ready to fight at the same time. Yet, at my core I'm mainly a calm and relaxed personality, striving for knowledge and peace and understanding. Yeah, I know that sounds lame, I once took a quiz on mycupid.com that said that I'm so nice I would make even Jesus throw up or something to that effect. And other quizzes say I'm good in small doses- so in other words, I annoy people in some way? God, I wish I didn't care so much about what others think, part of my problem is I care too much. Always have. I took another professional test through my therapist when I was still in college and scored like an ITSF personality or something like that which apparently only less than 2% of the population shares my personality. Just great. There in lies the rub I suppose. Well, that's all for now. Peace.

Hi Daisy,

I'm not sure I followed your post...you seem to have a lot of questions though...bipolar...autisism...feeling like 2 people...personality conflict...

Are you still seeing the therapist you spoke of? These would be some things that would be good to get some professional help on...maybe turn some of the questions into answers...

I am seeing a psychiatrist on a semi-regular basis, I think I need to mention this to her more. I take the mood tracker and a month ago I have more depressive results on the graph, while now it's less depressed symptoms and more manic symptoms. I'm more relaxed today but still have a lot of energy and bunch of different ideas at the same time. Like, for instance, it's my day off and I want to sit in the sun, but I also need to do laundry, and I want to go to Japantown and do some shopping and I want to make a couple meals for later, etc, etc- but I only have so much time in the day to get such and such done- my mind needs to relax! ha, a bit hypocritical of my previous statement, but At least I'm not agitated like I was yesterday- I'm happy and manic today. lol.

((DespondentDaisy))

Personally, I recommend taking the results of personality tests with a grain of salt. We are all human. Our moods can change from moment to moment. Remind yourself that we all have different experiences in life which shape our personalities.

The ITSF ~ Introverted Thinking Subjective Feeling personality style isn't necessarily a bad thing. Every possible letter in the test results with both positive and negative qualities.

Onto the worry about what other people think about you.....That's not an uncommon worry. Lots of us share that concern. I'd recommend working on developing self-esteem. Do things that you enjoy. Go places that you enjoy going to. Try not to worry that you're annoying people by being yourself. So sad to have thoughts and fears like that. Just push those thoughts right out of your mind when they enter. They're wrong!

Some people may become annoyed by you ~ just like some people irritate you. We're human. But, certainly not everyone. There are a lot of decent, caring people in this world who would like to hear what you have to say! Gentle hugs to you ~ please do work on building a sense of self-worth and respect yourself.

see a doctor if u have any doubts all teh best

Argh! Yeah, I'll be ok!. lol. Thanks for the commenting .

dont just say youll be ok hun defo get to doctors , part of bi polar is having days where u feel greaat and dont think uneed medication x

Glimmer,

Despondent Daisy stated she is already seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis.

Despondent Daisy, Hopefully you and your pdoc will get this all sorted out soon. Good idea to talk to your pdoc about this, good thinking with tracking your moods too, are you still charting them? That would be very useful for your pdoc to take a look at.

Shezbut had good advice, I was thinking along the same lines.

Glad your feeling happy today!

[quote=Anika;1897877]Glimmer,

Despondent Daisy stated she is already seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis.

Just block me Anika ur posts pee me off as much as mine do u u seem to jump on everthing i say leave me alone !! do u have nothing better to do then jump down my throat over everthing i put - i was not concentrating at the time as i was having to deal with 2 things and post stop being so judgmental

[quote=Glimmerofhope;1898658]
Glimmer, I was replying to this thread, not criticizing you, just letting you know because you seemed to have missed it. And then said what I wanted to say to the poster. I've never jumped on you as you put it. I disagreed with you one time. I've actually left you nice posts, I don't understand why you are so angry.

And I don't want to hijack this posters thread with this..