[twfdisturbed]

Hi I'm not sure where to begin with this but I'll try my best. The last relationship that I was in I was involved with a married woman who kept telling me that she was going to leave her husband. Well to say the least that ended very bad. But now on to my new problem this past Halloween I was working with a girl who I have known for almost 10 years now she just started working at the job and we really just now got to know each other. Well she told a few people that she liked me and word got back to me one thing lead to another then she kissed me. Ok sounds like a simple problem but this girl has a boyfriend. She says she loves him but at the same time has feelings for me, she told me she has never felt this way about someone since she has been with him. I told her to take her time and think about what will make her happy. But deep down its getting to me because I keep thinking shes not going to leave him. Everything seems fine when I'm around her but when I'm home I think about it all the time. I'm afraid I have changed the way I act around her in a way. But when we are together like I said its great. Could it just be that this girl has been in a relationship with this guy for 5 years and is scared to break up with him. I mean its only been like two weeks and we only get to see each other at work. Because we both go to school also. Could it be I'm scared to trust in her to leave because of that last failed attempt and I'm looking to much in to it? Because it has only been two weeks.

I'm sorry if that was very confusing I have a lot going on in my head right now. There are some differences in the two this one is staying honest about everything with me her feelings and she says she just doesn't want to hurt either.
So should I give her time or try to end it before I get hurt. Or am I just crazy and over thinking all of this. If so how can I get my mind off of it?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks to anyone who took time to read this.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

OK she is not married ...and you are both free to date...maybe just take your time both of you..but make it clear you will not sneak around as not to short change yourself....Thats maybe what I would do.

[jmo531]

After speaking with you tonight in chat, my opinion hasnt changed.

This girl has been in a relationship with the same person for 5 years. That is a long time. When someone is in a relationship for that long.....things tend to get a little "boring". When things get "boring", people will tend to look outside of the relationship for what they are lacking in the relationship.

I truely beleive that if this girl has true feelings for you and wants to persue a relationship with you, then she will leave the BF before that happens. She is really not thinking clearly right now.

I have been in the same situation has this girl and it is not easy for her right now. The choice she makes here will effect her entire life no matter what she does. Please stand back a bit and let her get some clarity on the issue.

No one is perfect, infidelity happens in relationships but, you dont have to help it along.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TWF)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[SilkySpeed7]

There is no real way to know whether she will leave or not. My situation is kinda the same. I have been with a married man whom I have known the last five years and five months ago we got intimate and he said he was going to leave his wife....of eleven years...ya right....well she shoudl be moving out this weekend....i never thought it would happen but it did and i am so glad i didn't give up........

some people dont leave though......not every story is happy........this is one of those situations no one hardly wins in........check out my thread the married man and I please help....about everyone told me to stay away.......

if anything pressure her and stop until she leaves or doesnt that is the only real way you know she is for real.

Of course it is hard leaving a relationship of so many years, one develops routine hard to just drop.....best of luck no matter what........

[seeker1950]

Hi, TWF, and welcome!
I say take care of yourself and your need for emotional security by not getting further involved until and unless she wants to end the 5 year relationship. You can be friendly to her without investing more emotionally until and if she will be there just for you. You don't need more anxiety and heartache!
Seeker Patty

[BlueFaith]

I agree with seeker. I don't think you should get involved further with this woman until she's able to make the decision that she wants to be with you... and only you. Take care.

[dottie]

Hi and welcome to PC. I look forward to posting to you and perhaps chatting in our chat room.

To put this concisely...and in clear terms, (because I can be longwinded) I would advise you to find someone who is completely unattached.I am well over a half-century yrs/old and I have seen such drama..and situation after situation. I do consider myself a pretty good judge on love & relationships.

TWFD...you also deserve the best that life can offer you. Getting involved in this situation will most likely bring you much unhappiness. Good luck to you.

~Dottie

[SpazKatt]

Twfd welcome to PC and I hope to get to know you better!
I agree with JMo *hugs*

[twfdisturbed]

Sorry it has taken so long to reply. Thanks to everyone for your advice. Me and the girl had decided to take things slow and keep everything open between us. She told me she and him have talked about breaking up and if they do me and her are going to start dating. I will post updates on this. But thanks everyone for helping me out.