[2extremes]

I was wondering if others share their diagnosis of bipolar with others (besides immediate family, of course), or keep it secret. I find it difficult to form meaningful relationships with people when they don't know about that huge part of me. This disclosure would help explain some of my otherwise unexplainable, erratic behavior.

On the other hand, I know not everyone is "evolved" about mental illness, and certainly some people may shy away from me or make fun of me because of it. Furthermore, I fear it may negatively impact my daughter if her friends heard about it, which would likely happen if I were totally open. Consequently, I've kept very much to myself, have no close connections with people and feel very lonely.

[Elana05]

Hi 2extremes,

This is a tough one. I struggle with it myself. Sometimes I go out with my partner and her grad school friends/acquaintances. I don't quite know what to say at a party. Especially since I'm not working (in a job) right now due to depression and basically full time treatment; therapy, 12-step stuff etc. I used to not mention it. But the last time I felt kind of fed-up, so I said that I was dealing with personal issues as well as taking care of the house and continuing my artwork. Sometimes I say that I have had some health challenges that came up (all true - major depression is a serious health challenge)... I guess it depends on the person. I tend to read people and can kind of tell if it will be safe to bring in up in an understated way.

[tattoogirl33]

I have struggled with this exact problem as well, and although I have no real answer I just wanted you to know I sympathize with you..

[madisgram]

i protect my having bipolar to almost everyone. there's no need to feel you have to-your behaviors or not. too many ppl do have a distorted opinion about MI. even some of my family attribute everything about me as coming from my bipolar. i never discussed this at my workplace either.
even if you feel being bipolar is a huge part of you it doesn't define who YOU are, imho. why do u feel the need to tell ppl even if friends about this? i only do it if it's absolutely neccesary or i totally trust the person who is a friend on a "need to know" basis. it's worked for me and i don't feel guilty for holding this info back. i'm not ashamed of it, i just use good judgement based on my experiences.

[Perna]

I wouldn't think of it as "secret" exactly; your health difficulties are not most people's business? Why would you want to tell someone else? If your thinking is so you will be more comfortable saying, "Oh, the bipolar illness made me do it" if you act out or make a mistake, I think that will backfire. If it is because people pester you when you say you have been ill or have a problem, if people whose business it is not are asking you inappropriate questions and it's easier to tell than not, I think those sorts of people are likely to continue being inappropriate and give you their ignorant, thoughtless opinions of your illness, etc. So, why do you want to tell someone? Thinking it might make things easier for you without considering who you are telling and your reasons for telling that particular person is likely to make things more painful for you instead of easier and more comfortable.

I tell people on a " need to know" basis. My closest friends know. My casual friends do not know. I agree that if you're going to be in my life you should know these things about me. Obviously my husband knows. I did not tell my mother in law because I wasn't sure how she would take it and I thought my husband would prefer it that way and he ended up bringing it up to her recently by accident, so now she knows.

I've learned to be careful with who you tell - my one good friend, who I've known forever, will tell others, "Oh Jadedmoonbeam does very well in life while being bipolar"...so now people who I didn't want to know, do know. I know she doesn't do this to be mean....she's just kind of got a big mouth.

[2extremes]

As far as why I consider telling people I'm bipolar, I've noticed that I feel most comfortable around the people who know. Otherwise, I feel cautious and guarded around those who don't. I am concerned that people I'm "hiding" this from will notice my unusual, unpredictable behavior, and I guess I'd feel embarassed. So I find myself avoiding people, or keeping my emotional distance. Thanks for all the responses! They're helpful and thought provoking!

[mokie]

2extremes,

I also feel like you. I just feel more comfortable to share with the people who will be around me. Although I have found that some of my friends don't fully understand. Which I just try to explain more about it. I feel if they are true friends they will either want to be there for me or they can move on. They were not true friends. As well as my family members. I am adopted my mom and dad never excepted what I was going through, my dad tried towards his fight with cancer but my mom just can't except it. As for my birthmom and brothers and sisters, well they are Don't take meds they will just make things worse, PRAY to God and he will heal you, and one brother tells me that I should just snap out of it and not take meds cause he understands that his depression of being deported is the same. I told them if they wanted to keep in touch do your research or ask me to send it to you, it's not that simple. They never asked and now I just try to avoid them in a nice way. I don't need others in my life who I can't feel comfortable around them. Not sure if this is right or wrong but for me it is just much easier cause it causes too much stress and triggers me into depression.

[palemoss]

it's hard...i know, i wish i could just tell ppl that "hey i have a MI that's why...i was a lunatic last fall!" but they won't get it. hardly anyone will. people aren't as compassionate as you think...in my opinion...esp about MI. you just have to be vague when it comes to talking about your past and if you really know them, and know that they are true to you, then tell them slowly and gently, explain it to them, give em' some psychoeducation.