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#1
Jun 23, 2011, 04:26 AM
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As soon as we met we were family. Never did a day go by without us talking. Rarely did a day go by without us seeing each other. Usually at her house, I would spend the night. Her room felt like my room, I had my bag in the corner. I would sleep in the bed with her, or on the couch. I would wake up to the same familiar surroundings. Her parents cooking breakfast, and not even slightly making the opposite sex friendship as awkward as it could have been when I look back upon it. We never really discussed it, we did everything together. We were best friends, but would not admit it. I remember, a girl she told me was her best friend once saw me at the local mall without her and asked "Where's A?" I responded with "What the **** do I look like, her keeper? I don't know where she is... kidding... she's at home..." Home. Something that I referred to her house as.
As time went on, we became closer. We would go to parties, and fall asleep on each other, or spend most of the night talking. I was in love with her, but would never admit it. I have a hard time just typing it here in fact. The problem was, she was a looker. She had a bunch of guys trying for her all the time, I in fact, did not know a single male, ranging from the attractive, to the gorgeous that did not ask her out... and get rejected. They would all ask me for advice on how to get with her. I knew, that secretly she was in love with me as well, but she would never admit it either. Just a feeling I guess. The main reason I said nothing... was because everybody tried for her, everbody fell for her... and here I was... doing the same? I told her multiple times that her strange magics did not work on me, even though... they did. The years passed, I saw her through her breakups, and she saw me through mine never were they serious prospects, and as such never was there a time to feel jealous. We knew the others were flawed. Time went on and it was time to leave our parents houses and get a place of our own. We decided that we would get an apartment together. What could go wrong? We basically lived together anyway... right???? WRONG!!! Two months went by, and my best friend for years... and the one I loved. The one whose mere scent would have me on my knees... got what I thought to be a serious boyfriend one that I saw as perfect. He had an amazing car, a sixpack, a good job, and... he was highly sought after by the local girls due to his sexual prowess. In the popular crowd I was in, he was the cream of the crop, the king. Only fitting that he date her, the one that all the guys tried for, but never got. I guess I'll never know if she was in love with me, and waiting for me to make a move, or if we were just close friends. Although, my gut strongly says it's the first one. I still remember it vividly. It was the middle of July, and her birthday, she was hanging on her boyfriend, and I was trying to get hammered enough to forget that part. I did not succeed. Instead, I woke up with a skateboard I'd never seen before and no shoes, not remembering the night, but remembering the heartache nonetheless. The months passed, and I proceeded to branch out a bit. Go to parties without her, hit on women that weren't her. It was during this phase that I met someone. We started dating, I mostly wanted to date her to see if it would piss A off... it did. I asked A if she could move in with us, and A, not wanting to ever admit we had something, said yes. We went on a few double dates, and everything looked like it was on the up and up, A and I no longer flirted on a daily basis, and there was no sexual tension anymore... but we still had our friendship, and partners to boot. That was, until she broke up with her boyfriend. Things went down the *******... rapidly. I comforted her, and realized that I still had feelings... and by realized, I just mean admitted, since I knew all along they were there. On the other side, my girlfriend, started saying "I love you" and... while I did love her... she wasn't A. So I did not say it back. Time passed, protected sex turned into unprotected sex, and soon my girlfriend was pregnant. The tension rose in the apartment. A hating my girlfriend, and my girlfriend sensing tension, hated A in return. A eventually kicked us both out of the apartment claiming it is due to living complications, and the fact that we claimed we lived with her on taxes, while she did not. A blocked every method of communication and told me not to talk to her. I no longer talk to A. But I can't help but wonder at what we may have had. Was the sexual tension and flirtation even there? Or was it just perceived on my end? If I had asked her out, instead of letting it go on for years until she got a boyfriend, would she be the pregnant one? Or would I have been rejected and embarrassed? How can somebody that seemed so perfect, not be my match? How can such an amazing friendship, be so fragile? Don't get me wrong. I love my (now fiancee)... but I still can't help but wonder what if. I feel like a bad person for it, and usually it's not something at the top of my mind... but right this second, I'm having a hard time not thinking of her. I never got to tell her how I felt, closure would be nice. But not possible, unless I want to risk harassment charges. So even if nobody replies to this, since it's a long ****ing post. I at least said something that I needed to say... I hope you read this A. However unlikely that may be. |
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#2
Jun 23, 2011, 08:00 AM
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Ah, looking back. It probably was very different living than telling what one thinks one remembers. I think we end up with what we wanted or needed in some way or we would have actually done things differently back then. I think you are doing a little escapism with your thinking these days as being a father and taking care of a family are going to be a whole lot different from what has come before?
Our youth is full of learning exercises and our experiences aren't that broad because of our youth. Living together like you did, brother/sister/puppies  is always going to have a bit of a nostalgic air when you remember? If it's good (or bad) there wasn't much else to compare it to so it tends to take the air of being all good or all bad. It wasn't like that.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#3
Jun 23, 2011, 08:25 PM
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Is your fiancee your baby's mama?
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#4
Jun 23, 2011, 09:51 PM
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I think you should look up A and talk things out.
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#5
Jun 23, 2011, 11:53 PM
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Quote:
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#6
Jun 23, 2011, 11:55 PM
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Quote:
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#7
Jun 24, 2011, 12:02 AM
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Quote:
I'd rather not be the guy that is seemingly obsessed with somebody. Already tried talking to her numerous times. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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