[Lexicon78]

Well, I guess the good friend I thought I had isn't that nice. Today we were talking on the phone and everything. Last night we were joking around and I made everyone gag because I mentioned about 2 guys getting it on. Ok, next topic of discussion...

She says she accepts me fully as being bi, even though it's not a life-style for her. Anyways, what she said right before she hung up really pissed me off. She said even if me and my boyfriend, who she welcomes fully into her home, were to break up she would still invite me there to her house. She said even if I was dating a woman I would be welcome...but my woman would not be welcome! I would have to come alone.

I'm really considering not going to the New Year's Eve party she's planning, and I'm wondering if I should even keep her as a friend! How could she say this to me, knowing fully how I feel? We're supposed to be good friends! That is certainly something I would never say to a good friend!

Yeah, I'm half straight and as long as part of me is straight she accepts that but she won't accept the other half of me, I'm finding out! I don't know whether to really ream her out or what!

[LMo]

That would %#@&#! me off too. She doesn't sound as open as she thinks she is.

For me, this would be a showstopper in a friendship.

[Lexicon78]

Yeah, I know. Well, my boyfriend kept pressing me and pressing me to tell him what was wrong and I finally told him how pissed I am at her. Well, he's not exactly speaking to me now either. He said I shouldn't tell anyone that I'm bi. That's it! I've had it!

[LMo]

You mean you're still with him? Lexicon, come ON! What are you doing with him?

[Maven]

I don't blame you for being upset. If someone accepts you as a bisexual and as a friend, they should also accept your romantic partners, regardless of gender. I would understand not permitting someone's partner if the partner were abusing your friend, but just because they're the same gender as your friend, that's wrong.

And if your boyfriend is embarrassed by or uncomfortable with your being bi, I recommend dumping him. You can do better.

[LMo]

your friend is demonstrating the difference between "acceptance" and "tolerance".

[Lexicon78]

yeah, I'm still with the jerk and right now that's putting it very mildly! If you heard me talking right now you'd think a trucker raised me! Everything's F this and F that...just because that's how I get when I'm this angry!

[LMo]

Ok, so why are you still with him?

[hillbunnyb]

Oy Vey Lexy. Whole of you or none of you is my vote.

[dottie]

There is a variety of subjects that for some... deeply challenge their moral/social sensibilities. The day you announced to anyone that you were bisexual brought you to a shakey place in our society. Surely you knew that...and now you will have to deal with what comes with that choice, in my opinion.

Your friend does not come across to me as being necessarilly not nice. She is well within her rights & boundries to invite whomever she chooses to her party. You can come to the party respecting the boundries she has set according to her moral /social sensibilities or you can, sadly for you, decide to take this as a "betrayal" and allow your anger to cloud the issue and possibly lose a good friend.

Imo..friendship is respecting the others' boundries...and feelings, both.

I can elaborate in another post..if this is too hard for you to digest. Take care...and don't let this drive a wedge into an otherwise good friendship?!

~Dottie

[Maven]

She shouldn't have to hide who she is, and she should be able to come out to her friends and be accepted. They don't have to agree with her sexuality, but they should accept her for who she is.

Of course her friend has the right to set rules as to who can come to her party, or her house, or whatever. But that doesn't mean it isn't disrespectful.

You talk about respecting others' boundaries and feelings...well, what about Lexicon's boundaries and feelings? Why can't her friend respect her? What if, instead of being bi, Lex was the mother of a mentally retarded child. If her friend didn't want mentally retarded children in her home, she has the right to make that rule, but is that really the person Lex should have as a friend?

[LMo]

Thanks Maven - your example is a great one! That's exactly how I feel about it.

I don't think that Lexicon should tell her "friend" off (to respond to her initial post), but I know that I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that.

[dottie]

I feel that you are comparing apples to oranges.

TGC

[LMo]

Ah well, at least we can agree to disagree. It's always important to have different points of view during a discussion. Life would be boring if we all had identical perspectives.

[Beautiful_Pain]

I personally wouldn't want to be friends with her if I was in your shoes, Lexi *shrugs* I don't see the difference between you bringing a boyfriend and bringing a girlfriend. But then I've been around gay people since I was very young and maybe more accepting than some