Friendship

This is something I have been thinking about for years...just thought I would share it with those here.

I hate the way I compare my friendships to other people's friendships.

I am lucky to have many people who care about me. When it comes to friends...I feel like I don't have many...but that I have a lot of acquaintances. People who I enjoy chatting with and interacting with...but not many people I would call up and say, "Hey, let's go to a movie or to dinner"

In my mind, I am always thinking, "they have other friends...better friends" to do things with. For kids...it's like a best friend thing. (I hate the term best friend...causes a lot of heartache) I feel like I don't have a "best friend".

I have one friend that I am very close to...I've always been close with her. But I don't think of her as my "best friend"...she has a roommate that I would call her, her best friend.

Along the same lines...many of my friends are getting married and no one has even asked me to be so much as a guestbook attendant. I assume this is because of my looks, not that I am not a good friend. It would be hard for me to find a formal dress that would fit. I'm not highly upset over it...just...a little sad. One of my good friends (another friend and I helped her pass a class...the 3 of us were inseperable) from high school got married last summer...she was in my wedding...I barely got invited. I guess, when you think about it, it is my fault. I am the one who chose to go out of state to college. Away from my friends...experiencing different life experiences.

In college...I made friends...but no one close. I love all the girls in my class (they're all great in their own way)...but I was married. I had a different set of priorities. Part of me says my husband should be my best friend...and he is...but its different.

Even here! I find myself thinking..."are they just humoring me?" Oh...she's better friends with "so and so"...

Why does it matter?

"True friends are the people that are there for you unconditionally. They are the people that never question you and support you no matter what the circumstances are. They are the people worth living for." -unknown

I do this, too. And it doesn't matter how close I am to anyone, or how many friends I have, I still feel down on myself. I think the issue has more to do with self-esteem than anything else.

Just my two cents

Hello 1Day --

I have often felt exactly this way: that other people have more and better friendships, are somehow more engaged. I, too, don't have a best friend.

Since I became involved with the Sufis, my thinking about this is slowly changing. I don't feel as bothered about it as I used to. Many people have pitched in to help me get through the past two years. I was thinking the other night that there were many people who never offered me a place to say -- and I guess I thought they "should" have.

But then I thought -- but there was always someone who did invite me. And generally the people acted really glad that I was there, not like I was an imposition. It was as if being unemployed and having a breakdown was an opportunity for us to visit.

I have a spiritual mentor. Whenever I would complain, "There aren't many jobs in the newspaper right now," she'd reply, "You don't need a lot of jobs. You just need one job." So just turn it over to God that the job that is right for me is out there.

I thought about that with friends: maybe I don't have a lot of friends, but there was always a friend to pick me up, give me a place to stay, and that includes the loving people -- like you 1Day and SweetCrusader -- on the Forums.

Take care, 1Day.

Angela: You're probably right...for the most part...my self-esteem is good...but like everyone there are areas I am vulnerable. Plus the fact that I internalize those "inferior" feelings. I don't voice them. Apparently, I am good at covering my hurt. I could be an actress! (((((Angela)))))

W2F: First, what are Sufis? lol And you are right...it's quality...not quantity. I would take my one friend that I can call any time...day or night about anything over 100 good friends I can only talk to at certain times. Maybe I should just appreciate what I have. (((((W2F))) Yer so smart.

Thank you both!