[LittleForgetMeNot]

My current boyfriend and ex-boyfriend are in the middle of an ongoing argument that takes place on facebook with messages. My ex and I still talk every now and then but it's just as friends. My boyfriend hates him for all the hurt he's caused me in the past; he knew how much I loved my ex, how much he hurt me, he's seen me cry about it and feels the need to protect me as I'm much too nice and refuse to see the truth.

I was trying to play peacekeeper, trying to get them both to relax, ignore each other, as I've seen the messages they send. But last night my ex sent my boyfriend something and it hurt. He said that he knew my boyfriend was only mad because he hurt me, but that he had a good reason to leave and cheat on me and my boyfriend will find out soon enough what he's talking about. I read that and my jaw just dropped.

For my ex I've been absolutely forgiving. I've been giving him advice on new relationships, being a shoulder to cry on when his step-dad is being abusive. I've been there for him when he not only kicked me to the curb but emotionally beat me for months after we broke up.. And instead of him at least saying that he's sorry and all that was in the past, he says he was justified and my boyfriend is going to see how much of a horrible person I am and do the same? This has only given my boyfriend more of a reason to yell at him and I can no longer say that he's a good guy underneath.

I know I'm an absolute doormat and probably this is my fault but what am I supposed to do now? I'm not going to be talking to my ex for a long time, and I really don't understand why on earth he would say something like that. I can't deny that he's a jerk and convince my boyfriend to leave it alone anymore. I know that this is really immature of them both, but we're all young (middle - late teens). That's not much of an excuse.. but I don't know what to do.

[vintageromance]

I think you need to lay some ground rules down with your boyfriend. I'm sure you can understand why he's upset with your ex-boyfriend, but that isn't his battle to fight. You aren't with your ex-boyfriend anymore (and shortly, he won't even be in your life anymore as a friend), so I think you should tell your boyfriend to just drop it. If he wants to comfort you about past problems with your ex-boyfriend, that's fine, but that should be the extent of it.

You say you can't convince him to leave it alone, but you must keep pressing it. If he really cares about you, he'll drop it for your sake, because he cares about your feelings. Let him know how upsetting their arguing is to you and hopefully, he'll come to his senses and just be there for you as your boyfriend and not as your white knight.

[kaliope]

i question why you are still there for your ex when he treated you like trash. why would you be friends with someone that treated you so poorly and continues to disparage you? to end the arguments, the best thing to do is unfriend the ex, that will discontinue any negative interaction online.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by kaliope

i question why you are still there for your ex when he treated you like trash. why would you be friends with someone that treated you so poorly and continues to disparage you? to end the arguments, the best thing to do is unfriend the ex, that will discontinue any negative interaction online.

This is a bad habit of mine. I've done it as long as I can remember.. If I walk out on someone no matter how badly they've treated me I feel like a bad person. I think it comes from how I am with my mother (she's been emotionally abusive but I'm forced to play nice with her as she's family). Plus, my ex has a habit of coming to me for advice and to help me with things.. and I don't know I feel bad for him sometimes. Plus I've known him for over 2 years and I would rather us just slowly grow apart as we're doing now than just walk away.. I'm too nice, I know, and I also know that stop talking to him MIGHT fix everything but I don't know. My boyfriend doesn't want me to just stop talking to him for his sake, he just wants my ex to stop being such a jerk?

[OurLadysTears]

My opinion: don't let the past ruin the future. The relationship didn't work and he has treated you like crap oer and over. Now, you are allowing someone to be in your life that is causing issues with a relationship that could potetially go somewhere. I understand that sometimes ex's can be friends but often times too much risks are involved and there is no reason to keep someone around that is doing you no good.

[Yoda]

It sounds like you are having some problems with boundaries. Are you in therapy?

I see no reason to stay in contact with the ex. That cannot end well.