[Arkyn]

Or at least wish me luck...

I know i'm a long way from perfect, but enough's enough.

[afterrain]

I hope everything works out for the best for you. Good Luck, I think.

[AvidReader]

Good luck, Arkyn.

[Kmbpeace1171]

Good Luck , that sucks, let us know how it goes.

[lynn P.]

Sorry this is happening and I wish you luck in this difficult situation. Be strong.

[Yoda]

I wish you the best.

[Silent_tsol]

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position.

I went back to your other post and noticed that you were considering suggesting a threesome with her affair partner. I would suggest you think very hard on that regardless of whether or not you know him. I can't help but think it would be very difficult for you and in the end only add to your hurt. If you've had an interest in a threesome before, it could be something to discuss down the road but I really think you are better off with a different 3rd party. If you haven't considered a threesome before this, question if you are thinking of this option as a way to keep her interested. YOU do NOT need to win her back. Even if it feels like it right now. Even if you are afraid of losing her. It is her job to win you and your trust back. Another thing I strongly suggest would be to ask that she cut off any contact with this man - NO they cannot be just friend. If they are in any contact, it will drive you crazy because having lost your trust for her you can't help but wonder...

[StrongerMan]

Good luck... stay strong

[Arkyn]

I do appreciate your comments, thank you.

I did confront her; I soft-pedaled, and didn't lose my temper. I'm paraphrasing, but I said that there were a number of events that I had noticed over the last few months, and I'd gotten very concerned, and looked into a few things, and I wanted the truth - when did her emotional affair with him turn physical? And she stumbled a bit, said she's suspected that I was reading her emails, and then admitted it.

(Please keep in mind that they have known each other as actual friends for years, that I'd never been jealous of him before, and that he lives far enough away that the don't see each other more than once or twice a year.)

But here's what's got me - no apology. Instead, what I get is a 'I should be able to have sex with my friends' and a 'I'm sorry you found out' and a 'I felt so disconnected to you that your feelings didn't matter'.

Wow. Not a nasty discussion, not a heated discussion, but pretty bad, I think.

I had really just one follow up question - because we know we're having trouble, and one of the things we've lost over the years is that deep emotional connection, and we both have said that we want that back. So I say to her: I want to have that deep emotional connection with you, because I still love you, but I need to know: do you want to have that deep emotional connection with me?

I get two responses: "I don't know" and "I don't think it can come back"

This sounds like it's over, right? I shouldn't pretend?

PS - we have 2 girls, ages 8 & 12

PPS - yes, I did consider traveling with her and the children on their annual summer trip to her relative's and once there, trying to set up a threesome, but that was a dumb idea from the start, and never did, nor ever mentioned it.

[swimjim]

Originally Posted by Arkyn

I do appreciate your comments, thank you.

I did confront her; I soft-pedaled, and didn't lose my temper. I'm paraphrasing, but I said that there were a number of events that I had noticed over the last few months, and I'd gotten very concerned, and looked into a few things, and I wanted the truth - when did her emotional affair with him turn physical? And she stumbled a bit, said she's suspected that I was reading her emails, and then admitted it.

(Please keep in mind that they have known each other as actual friends for years, that I'd never been jealous of him before, and that he lives far enough away that the don't see each other more than once or twice a year.)

But here's what's got me - no apology. Instead, what I get is a 'I should be able to have sex with my friends' and a 'I'm sorry you found out' and a 'I felt so disconnected to you that your feelings didn't matter'.

Wow. Not a nasty discussion, not a heated discussion, but pretty bad, I think.

I had really just one follow up question - because we know we're having trouble, and one of the things we've lost over the years is that deep emotional connection, and we both have said that we want that back. So I say to her: I want to have that deep emotional connection with you, because I still love you, but I need to know: do you want to have that deep emotional connection with me?

I get two responses: "I don't know" and "I don't think it can come back"

This sounds like it's over, right? I shouldn't pretend?

PS - we have 2 girls, ages 8 & 12

PPS - yes, I did consider traveling with her and the children on their annual summer trip to her relative's and once there, trying to set up a threesome, but that was a dumb idea from the start, and never did, nor ever mentioned it.

The fact that she admitted that she SHOULD be able to have sex with her friends while married to you is a real eye opener. She has entitlement issues. THis is a real problem. You need to focus on what is best for you and your kids at this point. Good luck.

[Ekman_Spiral]

Originally Posted by Arkyn

I do appreciate your comments, thank you.

I did confront her; I soft-pedaled, and didn't lose my temper. I'm paraphrasing, but I said that there were a number of events that I had noticed over the last few months, and I'd gotten very concerned, and looked into a few things, and I wanted the truth - when did her emotional affair with him turn physical? And she stumbled a bit, said she's suspected that I was reading her emails, and then admitted it.

(Please keep in mind that they have known each other as actual friends for years, that I'd never been jealous of him before, and that he lives far enough away that the don't see each other more than once or twice a year.)

But here's what's got me - no apology. Instead, what I get is a 'I should be able to have sex with my friends' and a 'I'm sorry you found out' and a 'I felt so disconnected to you that your feelings didn't matter'.

Wow. Not a nasty discussion, not a heated discussion, but pretty bad, I think.

I had really just one follow up question - because we know we're having trouble, and one of the things we've lost over the years is that deep emotional connection, and we both have said that we want that back. So I say to her: I want to have that deep emotional connection with you, because I still love you, but I need to know: do you want to have that deep emotional connection with me?

I get two responses: "I don't know" and "I don't think it can come back"

This sounds like it's over, right? I shouldn't pretend?

PS - we have 2 girls, ages 8 & 12

PPS - yes, I did consider traveling with her and the children on their annual summer trip to her relative's and once there, trying to set up a threesome, but that was a dumb idea from the start, and never did, nor ever mentioned it.

This doesn't sound good. Maybe it's worth salvaging but it would take a Herculean effort which I don't think she is willing to make. With kids involved, it won't be easy, but it sounds like it is time to part ways.

[Silent_tsol]

That sounds all pretty crappy but it's good that you were able to keep it together to get through the talk.

She absolutely owes you an apology, many. Yes, you may have been having problems in the marriage but she made the choice to cheat. You were in the same marriage, both with that loss of connection and you didn't cheat - don't let her blameshift any of this on to you.

Oh and I'm going to PM you a link I think you will find helpful