[Silent_tsol]

I've always had an awful time trying to open up and trust people. It takes a long time before I let someone past my walls. When I first started going out with my bf we had countless debates about how I couldn't trust him. Not even about big things, but small things too. I had no reason not to trust him, he's amazing, he jumped through all of the hoops I put infront of him. It wasn't until we were together for a year that I started opening up. Almost 6 years later, I still think about that. Even the fact that he was willing to stick through all of my issues should have told me to give him a green light. I do the same thing with friends. When I meet someone, I always keep things very superficial because I just don't know how to open up.

Fast forward to now. Last August my bf cheated on me. Obviously it dissolved my trust. It makes me so angry that, knowing how much it took for me to let him past my walls, he still threw it all away for nothing. That's a separate issue to deal with. It's going to take a long time to rebuild the trust between us, but it's a work in progress.

But here's the problem. Now my lacking ability to trust is even more amplified with everyone else. How do I trust that I won't get hurt? How do I let people in?
I don't know if this is really something I can get online advice with but if anyone can relate or has past experiences or has any tips I'd love to hear them.

[madisgram]

welcome to pc. i've experienced trust issues in the past. what i found was i was too willing to place trust in a relationship of any kind without using good judgement. that caused relationship and trust issues for me. it takes time to build trust. even with loved ones.
i wonder if something in your past skewed your ability to trust thus keeping ppl at a distance? this happened to me. you can learn how to balance this out but only if you are cautious of warning signs in a person. if you see warning signs, them talking about someone else in a gossipy way, etc. then back off being an open book. it doesn't always work to perfection. your bf is an example of violating your relationship in a big way. good luck with your re-building trust. it won't be easy. i'm sorry that happened to you.
therapy helped me to learn how to differentiate ppl who are trustworthy themselves vs. ppl who aren't. i couldn't do that alone. was clueless at first.

[Silent_tsol]

I can't think of anything in my past that would have caused the inability to trust.

I think I do look out for warning signs, I might even be hyper diligent about it. I don't think I've put trust in any relationship that doesn't deserve it. I tend to analyze the person way before that relationship even begins.

But the problem is that I keep even these people at a far distance. I'm the opposite of innocent until proven guilty, in my books you are a trust-serial killer until proven innocent.

I mentioned it once to my T but she basically said the part about "it takes time to build trust for everyone". Maybe I'll have to bring it up again

[danii24]

Some times you have to just trust people and give them the benefit of the doub if you dont u'll nvr be able to learn to trust. It is hard to trust poeple but i do agree with you there on that one. but if we nvr let are denfenses down then we will nvr feel proper love or friendships.