[SophiaG]

If so, tell me about your experiences.

[Elana05]

Obsession: A persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.
Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

I just attended a codependents anonymous meeting for the first time this week.
So, yes I have constantly confused love with obsession throughout my life with my parents.
They were both alcoholics while I was growing up, (still are).
Growing up, I was constantly confused and hurt by their ability to put alcohol first over me. I knew that my mom's drinking was related to her deep sadness (depression) and so I thought if I could make her happy, then she would drink less and be there for me more. But.. I confused my "making her happy" with love. I became hypervigilant, obsessed with watching her behavior to see how she was feeling so that I could offer a solution to her problem of the day, make her laugh or cheer her up. This was not love, in retrospect it was was indeed a "a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling" - that I could fix her, lessen her pain, lessen her drinking and change the situation so she would be more present and available to me. Today I struggle with this, confusing love with a need to fix others' problems.

[Nightside of Eden]

To me, obsession is love and love is obsession. I don't know how you can truly be in love without being obsessed with the person.

But then I am crazy, right?

[EyesofSadness3]

Originally Posted by Nightside of Eden

To me, obsession is love and love is obsession. I don't know how you can truly be in love without being obsessed with the person.

But then I am crazy, right?

OOOO.... its alright. I know I'm obsessed with my boyfriend, who I've been with for 2+ years now. I love him, care for him, don't mind his flaws. I am comfortable around him. I think about him all the time. Then sometimes we get in fights, but we get over it. So yea, I pretty much agree with you Eden. Except, sometimes you can be obsessed without being in love.

[xadorningxwoundsx]

I think that the main distinguishment is whether or not the other person welcomes/shares the feelings. I've thought i was in love with a close friend before. I obsessed over making him happy, getting his approval. I felt jealous when he talked excessively to other people. Id say that, maybe in a lesser degree, these are traits of people in a normal relationship, but because he did not share these feelings i was called "obsessed". I have the same feelings for my current boyfriend, but with much less anger i suppose. In this relationship the only time the word "obsessed" has been used to describe me is to say that I'm obsessed with his happiness, more of a joke really.

So, to me, unrequited love is what people call obsession.

[madisgram]

my viewpoint is obsession is an extreme preoccupation over a person or thing. i can't think of anything obsessive as being healthy.
love on the other hand is unconditional.

I expect I have been mistaken about obsession, let alone love.

[lynn P.]

No...can say I've ever been obsessed with anyone. I have been in love. I wouldn't want to admit to glorifying anyone that much lol. I wouldn't make a good groupy either.

[joliette]

The only person I said I love you too, the only person I though I loved.. it was infatuation not love. It was, still is hard to admit that. Any guy I have "liked" was out of infatuation bc I am so desperate to have someone after being dumped by my first bf.

[xadorningxwoundsx]

Originally Posted by joliette

The only person I said I love you too, the only person I though I loved.. it was infatuation not love. It was, still is hard to admit that. Any guy I have "liked" was out of infatuation bc I am so desperate to have someone after being dumped by my first bf.

Id say you needed to work on being happy with yourself first, but then id be a hypocrite. Just don't rush into things or drop the L-bomb too quick. Some people get freaked out by that, and by taking things slow you're more likely to have a long-lasting meaningful relationship, and I'm speaking from my own experiences. It took nearly two months to tell the person I'm currently with that i love them, and so far this is my longest relationship and still going strong.

[lotusflames]

oh yes. been there done that. usually for a guy that i cant have and it lasts weeks or months

[Semlor]

I agree that love is an obsession and vice versa.

I have been obsessed/in love with someone I haven't even talked to. It's been going on for 8-9 months now and I really don't know what to do. I have never researched him intensely, but I have looked at his Facebook profile and generally admired him from afar. I feel as if my feelings are unjust and I think that I am a stalker, a creep and worst of all I think he is aware of my feelings and sees me the way I see myself.

[hoping4best]

Unrequitted love becomes obsession if u dont get over it in time. It happened to me. Im obsessed with this guy for more than 2 years now and it still comes as a blow in the face whenever i see him talking to this girl or hear about them being in touch.

[hoping4best]

I think im in love with him. But then my friends tell me that love has to be mutual so its not love. Frankly i dont know what it is ,but it sure as hell hurts.

[palemoss]

yeah i think after my first two breakups (14, 20) i was so distraught and depressed, and would obsess about the guys. stalkerish, really.

i didnt love them. gross. it took me a while to realize that i was just infatuated and loved being depressed and a mess..

[shezbut]

SophiaG,

Yes I have been obsessed. Once.

It was the most cruel, painful, humiliating experience that I ever accepted in my life. Obsession is the only word for it. I barely knew him. He didn't care about me at all. I was just another notch in is belt. But, in my mind, he was absolute perfection. And I would have done anything to keep him. I quickly passed the line of appropriate and actually followed him. Trying to do everything that I thought may actually lead to him to see my devotion.

That is obsession ~ and it's sick.

[loveangelmusicbaby]

Totally agree. I was obsessed with this guy once, now that I think about it, i don't know why i even wasted my breath over him. we only dated for a week but i could not stop thinking about him and wondering who is was with, etc. (ahem, stalking!!) for months! now that i have a wonderful boyfriend i could care less about him

[hoping4best]

I hate the word 'stalking' honestly, how are we supposed to get over someone in a flick of time. It takes time. And since we care about that person obviously one NEEDS to know what he is upto ^_-

[disguise123]

oh yes my teenage years were wasted on obsession.
Whats the term for a shared insainity?
Something deuce or deux. What ever the term thats what i had. Its can be over come though with time and enough distraction
Xx

[Rose76]

I don't agree that love is a form of obsession, except probably during the initial infatuation period. At that time I can see where it is very apt to be.

I came to be obsessed about a man with whom I did fall in love. Years of recovery from co-dependence helped by Al-anon have brought me to where I no longer am obsessed with him. I still am in love with him, and it is so much nicer to have the obsessive dynamics removed.

I think one of the hallmarks of obsession is overly frequent phone calling. If we had a fight, I would phone him dozens of times in one hour. I would phnone him at home. I would phone him at his job. I would start phoning bars looking for him. None of that goes on anymore. His sobriety helps, of course. However, I don't think I would get obsessive again, regardless. I just outgrew being that way.

Now he is kind of obsessive about me and sometimes phones me excessively. When he does that I feel like he is monitoring me, which he is doing. I had to make it a rule that he is not to phone me at my job. I've tried to teach him that being consumed with needing to know what I am doing and where I am and who is with me is unhealthy. We trust each other. It's not a matter of jealousy. I am not sure why he has become such a worry wort. Mainly, I'm so glad I don't think that way anymore.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by disguise123

Whats the term for a shared insainity?
Something deuce or deux.

folie à deux