Abusers/Liars/Narcissists and STDs --- HELP PLEASE!

I know this isn't the place to post this, but I'm pretty desperate at the moment.

Here is my draining story.

There's a man at work that I spent over a year avoiding. There was something inside of me that said "BEWARE"... "DO NOT TOUCH"... Well, after I did a DBT program, I decided that what I was feeling towards him was silly. I didn't know him, and I had no reason to act this way. So, I let my guard down, and just what I expected happened... Within a couple weeks, he went in for the kill...

He spent a few days persuading me of what a wonderful, good person he is, and practically begged me to give him a chance. He showered me in the typically N lines of how beautiful I am, how much he can relate to me and how comfortable he is with me, how he saw great things for us, how he was going to take me on dates and shower me in compliments... Treat me like no other guys has... and all that.

Although the attention was flattering, I didn't trust what he was saying. I even called him out on it, and I even asked him one night if he was going to stop talking about myself and let me talk anytime soon. At the time he seemed annoyed, but continued with the chase anyway.

So, within the past couple months he has slowly and subtly broke down my sense of self. Making me feel absolutely crazy! Almost everyday he would tell me we would go out to dinner, hang out, do something, etc. Then after I got ready, he would be a no show. He wouldn't even address it when I talked to him a couple days later. One time we made plans to go to lunch. Showed up at his place at 12:30 after talking to him at 12, and he was home, but acted like he was sleeping as I waited for an hour.

He blamed his anxiety, and he would go from one extreme to another. One day he was egotistical, and telling me how he could have any girl he wants, and the next day he would ignore me or tell me how much of a bad person he is and how he hates himself. I remember one time us walking down the hall at work, and he's like "so, how does it feel to be seeing someone like myself?" I burst out laughing. He seemed so annoyed when I seemed ashamed of him. I didn't want anyone to know about us hanging out because of the reputation I knew he had.

He'd go on and on about his childhood, his father's death, his past drug addiction, the alleged brain cancer his mother had, and how much guilt he felt. He'd ask me for some of my sleep meds, and when I said no, I was automatically selfish. He once came straight out and told me he has cheated on every single gf he's ever had, and ofcourse, I stayed with him. He even went to the extent one night to tell me "well, that's what you get for sleeping with 100s of women" (talking about himself).

Anyway, six days after we had sex, I showed symptoms for herpes. I went to the doc and she confirmed with both culture and blood test. Since I was so concerned for his mental health and anxiety issues, I refrained from telling him until I knew it was positive. He SEEMED very compassionate, understanding, and most of all, he seemed very honest when he told me he'd been tested for herpes every year and has come up negative. I even went on to tell him how the HSV blood test has to be requested, and he assured me he had that added on there. He also seemed so sincere when he said "Don't worry you won't go through this alone, I'm going to be there for you and we'll work through this together..." along with many others.

This added extra anxiety to my already racing mind. I started having panic attacks. His unpredictable moods, isolation and herpes made me feel like I was going nuts.

He SUPPOSIBLY had another blood test, and the HSV results were indecisive/unclear. I told him that if he did come back negative, then I wanted to see the blood results. Then I got a call from my doc n she said that my levels were high and I may have given it to him although there's still a chance that he could have given it to me.

I couldn't let him continue to beat himself over maybe giving it to me, so I told him what the doc said. I had this terrible feeling I'd regret telling him.

Last week we went to lunch (first and only promise he kept), and we talked about giving us a chance. We decided to try it out. Then he continued to ignore me. Told me we'd hang out 2 days later, and never heard from him until I saw him 2 days later at work.

So, the other day I caught him at the beach with one of his exes. When I questioned him about this along a question about him telling me he was going to the docs on Tuesday, he got really nasty telling me "where i am and who im with is none of your biz. i'm going to the doc weds and i'm going because of you so know your role!" I couldn't get over it!!!! He then continued to tell me how I was the biggest mistake he'd ever made and how I ruined his life.

I saw him Weds, and I acted like he was invisible. I knew that if we came face to face I'd either break down crying or punch him, and that's exactly what he wants! He loves it. He's boasted about the reactions he's gotten from girls when he treated them badly. He also looked terrible though. Very anxiety stricken.

I knew he would have the results back yesterday, so I wrote him a message lastnight and I simply said "Blood results?"

He then goes on to tell me how he doesn't have a STD but he does have cancerous tumor and how he received his first chemo yesterday and he was very tired. Ofcourse he added that he would be okay.

I didn't believe him. I tried to gently ask him more details. I asked if he went to an oncologist and that I didn't think they did chemo that soon. He told me he found out two weeks ago. I wnted to ask him why he didn't tell me, but I knew he would turn around and verbally attack me. So, I asked if the doc had any explanation for the unclear results, and he replied "I DONT HAVE HERPES. I HAVE CANCER NOW DROP IT".

I asked him (out of concern ofcourse......) what kind of cancer it is, and he said that he preferred not to talk about it.

This whole thing just caught me by surprise especially the cancer part. He's been stressing over this blood test for the past month up until Monday, and then he completely turns it around.

Does this sound fishy to anyone else or am I being paranoid? Is it me? Do I press for the test results? Has anyone else ever experienced this type of situation????

To me this guy sounds pretty unstable. I believe in the general good of all people and I'm sure he's a good person underneath it, but right now it sounds like he's wrestling with so many personal issues that there's no way you can have a healthy relationship with him. I would guess he has low self esteem and that's why he's been sexually promiscuous (to fuel his ego) and that's why he bounces between being really egotistical and self-loathing. I would not stay involved with somebody like this. If you really want to have a relationship with him, yes the test results and honesty would be important to pursue. But it doesn't sound like he's ready to have a mature relationship.

Please ask yourself why you would have sex with someone who claimed to have had sex with 100s of people. I write this to you with the utmost concern for your well-being.

Add to this, why would you want to continue being around someone you consistently LIES to you & you know that what they are saying can't possibly be the truth.

I am sure there is some background reason why he is the way he is.....but I can guarantee, those types don't want to change their leopard stripes.

Why waste your time or energy on someone like that? No amount of love or caring will ever change someone who is that messed up because they usually NEVER get to the point of wanting to change & even if they were to say that they did....you couldn't believe them.

After your DBT class you should have believed your gut feelings & stuck with your avoiding him from the beginning. My DBT group taught me to be completely aware of the things around me & analyze situations before getting involved in them, not to blindly give people a chance. I am sure if you totally used your DBT skills you will know exactly how to handle the situation you are in & then maybe look back & see where you could have used your DBT skills earlier in the relationship you ended up in. It usually takes at least 2 times through DBT to understand & be able to put the skills better into practice....maybe it would be a good idea to retake your DBT training.