Do you consider your spouse spending time, when you are not home, online chatting for the purpose of "virtual sexual encounters" cheating?

[Typo]

Yes I do, unless you and your spouse have an agreement otherwise.

Absolutely

[shezbut]

Yes, I do consider that cheating ~ unless both of you have agreed to allowing that.

[Silent_tsol]

I agree that it is unless both people have agreed otherwise.

[Perna]

I don't find "cheating" a useful word. I would wonder why my husband was spending time online in "virtual sexual encounters" instead of doing something more useful with his time during the day? I would probably discuss it with him, learn more about him and his motivations and what's going on with him in his life.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't find "cheating" a useful word. I would wonder why my husband was spending time online in "virtual sexual encounters" instead of doing something more useful with his time during the day? I would probably discuss it with him, learn more about him and his motivations and what's going on with him in his life.

Really Perna?

If your hub were taking part in virtual sex, that wouldn't hurt your feelings?

I think that talking with him about it, to see his perspective would be helpful. I just know that I'd be very insecure and unhappy ~ it's "second nature" to me. Hard for me to imagine being able to accept incidents like that.

I would absolutely not accept that kind of behavior in my marriage, I don't care what the motivation. It is not acceptable. If he's lonely or unsatisfied or whatever, he has many better, honorable, constructive ways to handle that than screwing around with someone else on a computer. Why a woman would accept cheating in any form is beyond my comprehension. It is an insult to her worth as an individual and is demeaning of their relationship. It seems tantamount to accepting abuse from a partner because "they really didn't mean to hurt me".

[Sunna]

My insecurity is not my partner's responsibility. It is mine.

For example, if my insecurity is what made sex absent or unfullfilling in our relationship then my partner going online is in great part my responsibility. Yes, he did not have to do it. Yes, he could have accepted becoming celibate, so as not to make me feel bad. He could have been satisfied with self-pleasuring in a shower. To make everything about MY insecurity is a bit selfish.

But also I can see a scenario where this partner staying at home all day, is a man, unemployed, who can't find a job, who maybe gave up on trying to find a job, who has nothing to do, has to depend on his wife or girlfriend's job to live. He is depressed. He is feeling majorly inadequate and a failure as a man, and he is trying to make himself feel a bit "manly" by engaging in this online sex, even if it is an illusion. If that's what's going on here, no matter how insecure I am, this would not threaten me, this would make me feel compassion for him.

I don't know what's going on. I think it's a good idea to find out, before taking the high road.