[Zloppy]

Fist let me start off saying that I am a guy, and I'm 19. I am quite shy too, and really sweet (as I have heard from people). So me and my past girlfriend have been friends for several years and started going out in high school, and we went out for about a year. Everything was amazing, and we both knew we were the ones for each other. And I definitely could feel that I loved her. We were both different in personalities, but we both liked the same things, and balanced each other out, and it all was perfect, and I was happy

But back this past June, about 2 and a half months ago she broke up with me. There are more details to it, but it's all stupid and would waste too much time typing. But she said it had nothing to do with me, and basically she was changing her life, and giving it all to God. Not that her life was bad to begin with, and she already knew God *sigh*. We are both christian, and out of the year together, we never had sex or anything (we agreed it should wait until after marriage). We got a little touchy-feely at times, but that's it. So in June she went as an adult on a youth camp for her church and while she was their she "realized how she needed to change her life" *sighs again* So she broke up with me because I was "in the way of God," and when she "loves God, she doesn't love me." I kept trying to tell her it's not one or the other, that she can have both, but she wouldn't listen.

Anyways... She seemed to somehow be over the whole situation almost instantly :/ And here I am 2 and a half months later wishing it was all a dream and that I would wake up and me laying next to her, all cuddled and cozy with my arms around her. But that's not happening unfortunately

She says she knows how hard it is for me to get over all this, but I don't think she really knows. There have been nights when start crying (in a manly way of course) when texting her good night, when I would give anything just to be able to tell her I love her. I have tried talking to her about how I still feel, and she just ignores me. The problem is that we are still both very good friends, and I don't want to give her up as a friend because she means so much to me. Like literally, so so so so much, and it would kill me not to ever see her or talk to her again. But staying a good friend, just makes me want her still anyways. So I am kind of screwed either way.

But that brings me to how much I care for her. I worry about her all the time, making sure she is safe, and that she is okay. And when I don't get texts back from her for a while I worry. I can't help it though. I care for her as if she were family, like a mother would care for her daughter (at least most mothers anyways). And I have never felt that much care and love towards anyone else. Even after these 2 and a half months, I still care for her just as much as I did before, and probably more.

Now she is off at college again, this time she is 4 hours away instead of being here at the community college like the past few semesters. I am happy for her to be at the school she wanted to go to, but I miss her so much. And it sucks not knowing what all is going on with her over there.

And I have tried getting over her, as much as I hated to have to. I started talking to some other girl a week ago, and she seemed really interested in me, and we went out once, and now she could probably care less about me. And I liked her, and tried to use that reason to help me get over my past girlfriend, and move on. It worked for a few days, then when she started paying less attention to me, my previous girlfriend just kept coming back into my head. And the past 2 nights I have had weird dreams involving my ex. One was that I was with her, and the new girl kept calling me, and I was ignoring the calls to be with my ex. Then last nights dream was that my ex was running away from me. :/

I just am tired of this. I would literally do ANYTHING to get her back, even if it meant I had to get rid of all my stuff, and live in a cardboard box the rest of my life. I would. But I really do think she is the perfect girl for me, and I hate letting her go away. I just hope that somehow she realizes she made a mistake breaking up, and if she could only understand how I feel. Because it is literally killing me inside. I have all this love for her and no way to express it all. Anytime I do even in the slightest mention anything about how I love her, or like her, or even mention in the most round about way of saying she is cute, she just ignores me So I finally broke down and typed this to at least let some of it out.

So sorry for such a long pathetic post

[Yoda]

You cannot know what the future holds. You have sweet memories of your first love. I still love my first BF and wish him much happiness but our lives went in different directions.

If you can stay in touch with your ex GF without agonizing over her then do so and perhaps get together during Christmas/summer break if it works out that way.

[kindachaotic]

ZLoppy, so,so,sorry you are still so hurt over your ex. From experience you think you are the only person on earth who could hurt/ache like this, but it will get better. She will either come around or she won't, but YOU will survive. Keeping busy & getting out & about are the best things you can do. Just try & remember there are still ALOT of potential soul mates out there & you deserve someone who cherishes you as much as you do them!
Take care & keep us posted.