[kaw34]

First let me apologize for this post being so long! But I could really use some advice or opinion about my situation. Three months ago, I met the man of my dreams. I was a patient at a physical therapy clinic and he was a PT student doing his internship there. I fell for him quickly, he was the most charming person I had ever met. What amazed me was that he was falling for me, too. He started off by telling me he had a 2 year old son and he was single now. He talked a lot about his son and he seemed like a very loving and devoted father. After a month of working together, we started seeing each other outside of physical therapy. Things seemed to be going perfectly. We eventually took the relationship further and we slept together a few times. All while he was still working as my physical therapist. One week after us sleeping together, he told me there was something I needed to know. He admitted to having a 12 year old daughter he hadn't told me about. I was shocked. But he said he didn't know if I would have wanted to really get involved with him if I knew everything. He thought maybe I was too young to understand his complicated life. He's 30 and I am 22. I reassured him that I was OK with it and I wasn't upset. Later that same night, he called me again sounding upset and anxious. He then told me he also has a 9 year old daughter. So in total now, he has 3 kids (with 2 different mothers). I adjusted to this information and took it all in stride. I was already totally in love with this man, and I just told myself that his kids would be a bonus - because I love children. So, some more time goes by and things are going well. He is getting ready to introduce me to his children. I guess with him thinking about bringing me and the kids into each other's life he figured he would have to share with me this next piece of information. He then tells me he is still married to the mother of his first 2 kids. This is the first lie that really made me break down. I couldn't believe he could keep something like that from me. He made a ton of excuses about why he never got divorced, etc. None of it made sense. I knew he was just lying more to cover his tracks. Shortly after he spilled all of this to me, I found out that I was pregnant. He handled it well and seemed happy. I was nervous, but happy. Sadly, it ended in an early miscarriage. I was devastated. I hadn't realized just how much I wanted that baby with him. Only days after losing our baby, I spent the weekend with him and his children. We were having a wonderful time together. It reassured me that this was definitely the man for me, I truly loved him! That very night, he was talking to me about some intimacy issues I have. I told him about my fears of men, having been raped when I was 12. It was something I never really got over and I still struggled with panic attacks, anxiety issues, and severe depression. While I was telling him all of this, I could sense he was getting uneasy. I asked him repeatedly to tell me what was wrong. He finally told me there was something he had to confess. He had raped a woman in the past, when he was 17. It was his ex girlfriend. He told me he knew her parents were going to be out of town, and he took that as an opportunity to break into her home and hold her at knife point and rape her. I was horrified!!!! I can't even explain what I felt at that moment. I was sick, scared and confused. I cried so much that night. Only 2 hours after telling me this, he wanted to have sex with me. When I said No right off, he practically demanded it. He said if I didn't do it, I was saying he was a monster and didn't love him anymore. He went on and on, rambling to me about all kinds of ridiculous things - trying to get my mind off of the rape. He would not give up about having sex that night, and I said No. But eventually I gave up and just let him do it. He was so persistant and just would not leave me alone. I wanted him to know I did still love him, even though I was really devastated about what he told me about his past. At this point his 8 week internship at the physical therapy place was over, and we were together exclusively. I tried to just move on and forgive him for his past mistakes. I truly believed in my heart and soul that he was a changed man. Today as I sit here and type this, it is difficult to look back on. I thought things were so complicated then, but they continued to get worse. He admitted to raping another woman when he was 18... and yet another woman when he was 21. One of those women he was friends with, the other woman he did not know. At this point, I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I loved this man!! I could not believe what he was telling me!!! I begged him to go to therapy with me and get some help. He told me he had never seen a therapist and had no form of help for these problems. He told me he was molested at around 6 years of age, by a female family member. When he was 10 he was expelled from school for forcing a girl to give him oral sex. And yet, he was never in therapy! Amazingly, I got him to agree to see my therapist with me. Our first session turned out to be our only session. The therapist told us we absolutely needed to separate from each other. She said he had sociopath behaviors and was very dangerous. We broke up that same day. After 2 weeks of being apart I was losing my mind. I layed in my bed and screamed and cried hysterically every night. I tried contacting him and he would not speak to me. He told me in an e-mail right after the break up, that he was going to respect what the therapist told him and stay away from me. Since then, I went back to another old therapist of mine for another opinion and she also told me he sounded like a sociopath. Hearing that just killed me. He finally started speaking to me again, just a few days ago. I am still in love with him and still desperately want to work our relationship out. I still believe he is a totally changed man. But my therapists tell me that the first warning sign was him wanting to get involved with me when I was his patient. He also was inappropriate in some of the ways he touched me when I was a patient there, before we were together. I think of that and I am torn. I want to believe in him and I want to trust him. His own brother told me he has a history of physical violence with women, which he did admit to me himself in regard to his wife. I've spoken to the mother of his third child and she had told me to get away from him and never look back. I just don't feel capable of moving on from this relationship. I have never been in love before and this changed my life. He makes me so happy and he makes me strive for good things in my own life. I really believe he loves me, too. Like I said, we are speaking again now for about the last week. He thinks I am afraid of being alone with him, and part of me is. But I don't know how I can explain that when I love him so much. I really need help... advice, thoughts, anything. I want to believe there is hope for him and hope for our relationship, and that is what I continue to tell myself. Sorry again that this is so long!!!

[emptybee15]

Girl, just RUNNNNNNN!!!! From the first lie he told, you should have cut all ties with him. Liars continue to lie, whether they are sociopaths or not. Don't waste ANYMORE of your life on him. PLEASE! I had a miscarriage when I got pregnant by my son's father the first time...it was a sign that I DO NOT NEED A CHILD WITH THIS MAN. My dumb ***** ignored it , got preggo a year later and after that he began physically abusing me. Long story short, my son is 7 now and has seen his father ONCE in his entire life.

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN! That is all.

[lynn P.]

I agree with emptybee15 - run for hills and never blink an eye. This kind of person can sell ice cubes to Eskimos and legitimize their behavior. Pay attention to the signs - he has a long history of raping and being violent with women, he batters his present wife, he over stepped his professional boundaries with you and probably will again with other patients and he's manipulative.

I'm very sorry you lost your baby. If you insist on having sex with him - use double birth control so you don't end up giving him another child and end up like these other women. You're also helping him cheat and you might one day be in her shoes. Sure he's charming - I'm sure all his other women also thought he was charming too. I wonder how many of his patients he's touched in inappropriate ways. You love what you think he is, but wait until he finds another conquest and you'll no longer be important. He presently cheats and batters his wife - that's not a changed man!!

[madisgram]

OMG, i don't know if telling you this will make a difference since you've already received excellent advice from professionals but my advice is cut your losses and ruuuunn-n! this man is dangerous to any woman or girl he's around. check out this site if you will. it's valuable info you need to know.
http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
sociopaths are skilled at gaining the trust of others, blinding the cautions of the target. in this case YOU. i do hope you will stay SAFE and stop any contact with him. find another pt therapist. your life as you know it is in peril if you don't heed the good advice you've gotten.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I know it will be hard but look at this as if you had a younger sister telling you all of these things. You need to see that this man is not good for you. For many of us, we cling on to people who will tear us down even more, we think we can not live without them. I don't know why but it just works that way. Once you free yourself of him in your mind and view it as a good thing, you will be able to happily move on. It's hard but you wouldn't want someone you love in a relationship like this, so love yourself and don't put yourself in it. I will be thinking of you and wishing you all the best on this.

[Flooded]

Changed man my fat arse!

[Sunna]

Completely agree. RUUUUUUUN!!!!

That said, I know it's hard to get over feeling in love. Ask your therapist for help. Some of the things you said, have nothing to do with you loving him, but with your self-esteem, such as "he makes me strive for good things in my own life". Dear lady, HE DOES NOT! That is simply impossible. What is happening is that when you believe you are loved, you feel empowered to strive, but the striving comes from you, not him, the belief powering it: "I am loved and lovable" also comes from you, because that man, that sociopath, DOES NOT LOVE YOU. I am soo, sooo sorry to be telling you this, but ask your therapist if she think that man is capable of love. What you've described, how he told you he is a rapist and then pressured you till you consented to have sex, that is NOT LOVE.

But cry, for you heart that's been broken. Cry, because your love and your goodness have been taken advantage of by a predator, but love yourself, and keep yourself away from him. Stop talking to him. Un-friend him. Block his phone number. Do everything to make this irrevocable, so you can't crumble under your sorrow and seek him again.

RUN, don't walk to the nearest door and never look back. Don't let your heart overrule your head about this. You are just his latest victim.