My best friend & I met almost 5 years ago. We met on a social networking site & immediately hit it off. We had so many things in common, a few of those things being very intense. I was going through a divorce at the time & she had just gone through a divorce a few years before that & was struggling with a relationship with her then boyfriend. We were also both struggling with financial problems. Besides these bad things in common, we also had some great things in common & have always had a great time together.

For the past 6 months or so, she has grown very close to the wife of a very good friend of hers. She had been close to this man for 5-6 years & he recently married. It was widely known in our circle of friends that this man was madly in love with my friend & every time a dating relationship of his would end he would wind up begging my friend to be with him. She has always claimed that she was not attracted to him & would never be with him intimately, but loves him as a friend. This man eventually met a woman & married her about a year ago. Since he has married, he still manages to flirt with my friend including sending her naked pics of himself & attempted sexting while he travels for his job.

Anyway, my friend has recently become very good friends with this mans wife & our friendship is waning. I'm not surprised that they have become close because this woman knew how close her husband & my friend had been throughout the years. I would definitely want to befriend my husbands very attractive female best friend too.

Recently, my friend has become very distant with me & the only explanation I have for this is because of her new friendship. Whenever I call her, she doesn't answer her phone. Many times she'll tell me that she'll call me to make plans & then I don't hear from her. She has also quit inviting me to get togethers with the circle of people that we hang out with. I'm not very close to some of the people in the circle so, most of my invites have always come from my friend in question. In fact, the other day we were walking together when she received a call from another friend & when she mentioned their conversation, it was clear that she didn't want to go into details about what they were talking about. Apparently, the converation was about some upcoming plans with "the girls". Apparently, I'm not invited.

My friend did mention to me recently that she wonders how much we have in common now. I'm no longer struggling with relationship problems (neither is she) & I no longer struggle with financial problems whereas, she does. In fact, I have loaned her money many times to bail her out of problems. The most recent was when she needed her entire rent payment. I couldn't give it to her so, she got it from her married friends.

Anyway, I'm really struggling with this. I honestly have no idea what to think. I have never done anything to hurt my friend & I have always been there for her. I've loaned her money, helped her with her child, her animals, her car, her house, & I would never do anything to blatantly harm our friendship. We have always been able to talk openly & honestly with each other & even when there's a disagreement, we can work it out without any problems.

When she recently mentioned that she didn't know what we currently have in common, I was honestly baffled. We are very much alike & even if we don't have those dramatic things in common that we had in the beginning of our friendship, so what! I personally don't base friendships on things like that. My friend & I get along great, we like the same things, & as far as I know, we respect each other. If she's looking to have those previously mentioned things in common with a best friend, I can't help but wonder what she is doing becoming best friends with this man's wife. This woman is happily married & quite wealthy. I simply don't get it.

(I apologize for the length of this, but it is the only way for me to convey the nature of the situation.)

I am not the type of person to just drop people as friends unless they do something to hurt me....& even then, I'm pretty forgiving. I base friendships on trust & respect.

So, are there any women out there who might be able to understand where my best friend might be coming from? I understand that people can grow apart, but when it comes to a 5 year friendship, I am not one to just let that go. To me, if the friendship has always been good, which it has, why just walk away due to a new friendship with someone else? My friend has always had numerous friends so it's not as if she doesn't know how to handle multiple relationships.

Also, when I asked my friend if I've done something lately that has bothered her, she said, "no, nothing". She's just been busy with the other girl & her husband.

Wow.....

[Flooded]

Sounds like she's found someone new to take care of her and use.

[Sunna]

It sounds like she is very involved with those two.

I know sometimes friendships fade when a person gets married, and his/her husband becomes the whole world. But she didn't marry them.

Or maybe she did. Well, not officially. Too bad she won't tell you. It would have been nice to include you in her new thing.

All I could advise you, be patient. Perhaps it's just a brief fascination that will pass, and she will give you the equal time, that your long time friendship deserves.

It's not nice, at all, though. Some people don't have a good friendship-needs-maintenance awareness. I know I was like that. Just following my new interests with no thought to feelings of neglected friends and then wonder, years laters, where have they all gone?

Originally Posted by Sunna

It sounds like she is very involved with those two.

I know sometimes friendships fade when a person gets married, and his/her husband becomes the whole world. But she didn't marry them.

Or maybe she did. Well, not officially. Too bad she won't tell you. It would have been nice to include you in her new thing.

All I could advise you, be patient. Perhaps it's just a brief fascination that will pass, and she will give you the equal time, that your long time friendship deserves.

It's not nice, at all, though. Some people don't have a good friendship-needs-maintenance awareness. I know I was like that. Just following my new interests with no thought to feelings of neglected friends and then wonder, years laters, where have they all gone?

Yes, she is very involved in them and she has mentioned it to me. Not in those words, but she has said that she and the wife have definitely gotten closer since the wedding took place a year ago and that they have the husband in common.

I think maybe the wife knows how her husband feels about my friend and their friendship is her way of keeping an eye on them. I don't know, but if I was her, I'd definitely be doing that.

About a year or so ago, my friend 'broke up' with a friend that she had for about 10 years. They met when both their children were small and grew up together. She ended the friendship because she said she didn't think they had anything in common anymore. I found this to be very unfair because I knew her friend had not done anything to hurt her and had always been there for her. Maybe she's now doing that to me. I guess there's not much I can do about it.